To think there is a bit of a gang/bullying problem on here ?

[Usemyname123]

After reading through some threads, most posters are lovely, kind and helpful. However, there is sometimes this thing where when poster criticises the OP and all of a sudden most posters also gang up on him /her.
I've seen so many people told, "You need professional help." as opposed to suggesting that someone may find therapy helpful. Telling a stranger they 'need professional help' is out of order.
"You've posted before !!" Because apparently nothing can ever happen more than once. It's also not a crime to post more than once if people feel they want further help or advice.
Talking about the OP as if he/she isn't there. "She posted that 1 week ago" etc.
"You sound like a needy 14 year old".
I think sometimes it just goes a bit too far.

I've been on here for 10 years and I agree with the op.

I'm not sure what makes you think it's a new poster, people namechange

Some people can be nasty but it's an anonymous forum on the internet. You won't find different anywhere else. Most places are worse.

Don't fall into the trap you are being set by people who aren't posting in good faith. Ignore and move on.

Also, sometimes people just disagree and have completely different views and will believe you are wrong in your beliefs. That should be clear from what we've seen in politics and in Brexit. There is no point wasting mental energy disagreeing with people you will never meet if it has a negative impact on you.

I spend a lot of time on Twitter and in comparison, MN is an extremely safe place. There are lots of people offering valuable advice and support. The nasty posters will only ruin it if you let them.

@Usemyname123, with all due respect, why did you come back if it's that horrible? I never look at my old school and think 'hmm, I really fancy putting up with some more immature pricks who's opinion I dont care for. Might change my name and go back for round two...'.

Its about the piling on, hive mind that seems to exist on AIBU

Hive mind? Perhaps lots of posters just have similar thoughts about an op.
How should MN prevent posters from having similar thoughts to each other?

@busybarbara

The Reddit forum absolutely nothing like you describe. There is no collusion to come on here and "troll". Most of the posters on Reddit barely post on MN anymore.

They merely call out troll threads and I'll tell you what, I'd say a good 80% of threads mentioned there end up being taken down by MNHQ.

You really should get your facts straight!!

Here come the Reddit warriors to defend their nasty little club. Why am I not surprised

So you got a response that you dont like so automatically there must be roving gangs on here?

Good grief.

Maybe stick the childproof filters on your internet settings.

Or maybe people could just stop being cunts

Yes they could - but they’re not going to because there are cunty people about - so it would benefit Op to try not to let it bother her so much, or don’t post on AIBU.

You get to recognise the nasty posters, if you see their user names you know they will have written a vile response & they never disappoint. Must gave really sad lives, hiding behind a keyboard

I agree. There's being honest and then there are just people being bitchy. They will hang around threads like a bad smell, ready to pounce on the next person that disagrees. Mnhq do fuck all about it half the time, and even when you report a post, they aren't always removed.

@ShesGotBetteDavisEyes I agree, who thinks who is cunt is subjective and it’s highly likely a true wanker is going to drop just because they’ve been asked. It’s precisely due to this I don’t think it’s workable to set expectations too high.

I wonder if there’s a generational divide with expectations going on here. I fully expect the internet to be a harsh place. It does sting when you get your arse handed to you and there are always going to be posts that push your buttons but ultimately you have the choice to engage or not and how much importance you put on an anonymous persons opinion is entirely up to you. I’m late 30’s and have a general caution of the internet but I can imagine older generations not quite being in sync with the expectations of manners and younger not being quite as adapt as separating it from their real life given how insidious it is nowadays.

MN is no different to anywhere else on the internet and isn’t responsible for my feelings. MN can be a fantastic place to find support but that does mean that you have to pick and choose what you take from it (especially in AIBU).

Highly unlikely

Fgs I previewed and everything

"You've posted before !!"

That's because you get posters who post about the same issue again and again and again and never follow the advice that is the same on every single thread. It helps MNers to know so you don't answer the thread as it is wasted time as OP doesn't listen.

Yes unfortunately there is - some follow like sheep and its quite cliquey

And don’t believe anyone who says it never used to be like this its utter rubbish it’s always been like this it’s the nature of online forums

The bullying for a response from the op who has often understandably stepped away is awful

And agree MNHQ often ignore it - more clicks better for business

Anyone will say anything they want really, purely because it's a fake username and no real identity 🤷🏻‍♀️ people feel big with what they say when no one knows who they are👍

That's because you get posters who post about the same issue again and again and again and never follow the advice that is the same on every single thread. It helps MNers to know so you don't answer the thread as it is wasted time as OP doesn't listen*

Maybe the OP doesn’t agree with the advice, or the advice is batshit.

I was once “advised” to move my children to my step children’s home town and give up my job, also told to get an extension.

Should AIBU be renamed to protect unwitting lambs to the slaughter?

The Mean Streets of Mumsnet ?

Ganglands / CillitBanglands ?

Or perhaps The Naice Ladies Are Over There (with a link to Baby Names)

I see it occasionally, particularly the phenomenon of a strong early respondent heralding a flood of similar responses. However I do think the majority of pile-ons occur because there is something in the OP that a majority of people feel strongly about.

I also find it refreshing that AIBU is one of the few places where people can get their arses handed to them on a plate, in real life family and friends often act as a bit of an echo chamber so it’s good that there is a forum where anonymous strangers can give their true opinions.

CillitBanglands

Note to self: make appointment with Specsavers. It is not clitbanglands.

Or illicitbanglangs...

Who the fuck chose that brand name? They have FILTHY minds.

I think people are unkind and there is never any need to be unkind.

You don’t know what people are actually going through and I believe most people are decent people here.

That's because you get posters who post about the same issue again and again and again and never follow the advice that is the same on every single thread.

There is a term for it.
Askhole

There are certainly posters that go above and beyond to be cutting and obnoxious on every thread they respond on. They are a minority.

Some posters are blunt, but to the point and fair.

Often a consensus will emerge, but that can change through a thread. Occasionally it is unaminous. Quite often pages 1 & 2 will attract reactionary responses until some reason kicks in on page 3. The posts are more balanced through to page 10, but pages 14, 15, and 16 get derailed by a tangential debate

I rarely see bullying as in groups of posters regularly congregating together to target certain posters (although certain themes attract particular regulars). A culture of regular name changing does make that harder to identify and develop. There are normally sharp-eyed posters that do call out unpleasant regulars.

There are a lot of OPs who never seriously considered that they may actually be unreasonable and don't like the outcome and call "bullying" when people have been fairly civilised about disagreeing.

I do think there are particular groups of people who get an absolutely fucking hard time here.

Esp step parents and yes their is a step parenting forum but actually sometimes that is worse.

I remember one of those posters who returned again and again with the same problem. They got banned eventually. I'm not sure if they were really a troll or just stupid. They would name change but were instantly recognisable.

People would pile on on those threads, quite rightly. Other posters who had never come across the OP before thought they were being treated terribly but they didn't know the whole picture and the identical threads that had come before.

Sometimes people's behaviour is to warn off unsuspecting posters. Not all OPs are nice or posting with the right intentions.