Partner hit me with a pillow this morning in anger

[Milosunshine]

I’m aware a pillow isn’t the worst thing you can throw at someone however my partner has gone into an angry outburst because I haven’t made his breakfast this morning. For the past 2 years I have created a rod for my own back and woken up at 5am (2 and half hours before I am due to leave for work) and made his breakfast and lunch. I mentioned last week I was getting tired so at the end of last week he let me lie in. This morning he is infuriated and said it was one off. Just venting really as I feel so emotional and guilty 😞

I'm glad your deputy head has been so lovely and supportive. I'm glad you have set out on this road I wish you well in your future and much happiness.

Well done.

Please now block his number, as he is bound to try to contact you (unknown numbers etc). He use the following to entice you back and then ramp up the abuse because you dared to leave.

Tears
Proclamations of love
Threats of suicide
Anger
Blame

He may even get a few flying monkeys to make YOU feel guilty about leaving him.

I also think you need to see your GP and to ring women’s aid. If you’ve already posted about him being awful, then you were already becoming aware that this relationship was not how it should be.

Keep strong and keep talking as abuse thrives on secrecy.

Amazing, well done OP - you're absolutely doing the right thing. I echo everyone's comments above. Get away from that awful man. Stay strong.

Oh fuck him. No. He is a misogynist and there's no way in hell I'd take this shit.

WOMEN ARE EQUAL HUMAN BEINGS TO MEN AND WE DESERVE TO BE RESPECTED

Wow. That is not ok OP!

There is a list on this website that shows you what to include in your safety packing list - take as much as you can

www.womenshealth.gov/relationships-and-safety/domestic-violence/leaving-abusive-relationship

You’re doing so well, stay strong and keep posting - the support you’ll get here is phenomenal x

When he realises you have left he will then say he is sorry. But remember, he’s only sorry as he’s lost control of you and the situation. He’s not sorry for what he’s actually done.

Well done OP. And remember - Whatever he promises, however desperate he sounds to win you back - DO NOT BELIEVE HIM.
Ending a relationship with an abuser can be a dangerous moment for many women. Don’t let him back into your life. Don’t be on your own with him in private. Don’t engage with him if he tries to contact you or comes round to your cousin’s place. Don’t give him an inch because if you do, you’ll never be rid of him. Be firm and resolute!
Take care

Huge well done for telling work and going to your cousin, it will take time but you’ll see how everything he has done over the years is wrong and you’ll rethink everything.
Telling people is the best thing to do and letting them tell you what is abnormal.

No amount of nicest person in the world counteracts one act of violence or forcing you to get up early for him and the control.

Brilliant op.

Remember he'll say anything to convince you he's changed/ you're wrong.

And you'll miss him and want to believe it.

But listen to the women on here who have done that and regretted it, you're doing the right thing

OP, well done - you are so strong. I'm so glad you have support in real life now when you need it. Remember you will also always find support on here - when you feel sad or angry just post and someone, somewhere will hear you and respond.

Good luck to-day - take someone with you to the house and follow the directions of your DV link person.

So glad you reached out for support and have been validated.

His reaction to you saying No, is very typical for an abusive man. It is why women are encouraged to say No - early & often - in relationships as how they react is very telling.

Well done for taking the first steps to get away from this. Its really not normal behaviour on his part!

And you say you do love him, I probably said that about my ex too but then when one day you meet a real decent man who treats you as we should treat each other you mightn't feel the same. I certainly realised looking back it wasn't really love and that what I have now (true respect for each other) is how its supposed to be.

Here's the link to what you need to pack:

www.domesticshelters.org/articles/safety-planning/packing-your-bags

My partner takes lunches to work every day. We make them the night before. He has a microwave at work and we usually have spare tea left over so he takes that or if not he will have sandwiches. I sometimes make it if I am pottering around or if not he will.
He would never start having ago at me or throw anything of the sort at me if I didn't make it. I am also tired a lot of the time at the min and often end up in bed early and he makes his own.
His behaviour is not acceptable and I would defo be telling him to p*ss off! He sounds controlling and abusive and that's not ok!

I've never been more proud of someone that I've never met. You're so much better than this, know your worth.
Well done and good luck with the rest of your life.

Well done op.

I left my abusive ex after a conversation with his mum asking her how she had managed to bring up children in it (his dad was the same). She basically told me she regretted it, she’d ruined her life and her kids. It’s too late for her but not for me and to get the hell out before children.

So I did

Stay strong, this isn’t love. Enjoy the rest you will be utterly exhausted

So glad you are getting out, his behaviour is not acceptable.

Well done OP. Keep strong and you will be fine x

Good for you OP. Honestly, once it starts, I've yet to meet anyone where it magically stops. It only gets worse from there. Here's to a much brighter future. I am so glad you can see you deserve a lot better.

So pleased to read this, OP.

Don't let him talk you round.

@nomorepies your impatient and dismissive post disgusts me. Why bother posting at all?

OP - So very well done!! You have 100% done the right thing. And at 5am tomorrow morning and every other morning thereafter you can carry on sleeping! As for the inevitable missing him and sadness, well, that is grief and will really hurt but it must be done for long term happiness. So I think you just have to stick your chin in the air, stay strong and ignore his attempts to get his domestic appliance working again, and fake it till you make it. With time when his influence has worn off, you will look back and examine his behaviours in a new light and then without him to tell you that all his choices are your fault, you won't miss him so much after all. x

So glad to read your update.

You matter. You are important. Don't ever let anyone take that from you. Abusive behaviour, however infrequent, is not committed by someone who truly loves you.

The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour.

Please, please contact a Women's Group or Women's Aid or look at a website like "When Georgia Smiles". Please have an overnight bag to hand and also have all key documentation bank accounts and your passport etc for the day when you are able to leave safely and you will need to plan it.

You are a very capable, brave and clever person but being all this means you allow yourself to put up with this awful person who has obviously got some serious personality disfunction.

A relationship is not a balancing scales where you can/should stay if you are being abused less than half of the time. The good times do not "outweigh" the abusive times.

The only acceptable level of abuse is none.

Look after yourself, you deserve better.