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Original poster

Partner hit me with a pillow this morning in anger

517 replies

Milosunshine · 03/02/2020 05:38

I’m aware a pillow isn’t the worst thing you can throw at someone however my partner has gone into an angry outburst because I haven’t made his breakfast this morning. For the past 2 years I have created a rod for my own back and woken up at 5am (2 and half hours before I am due to leave for work) and made his breakfast and lunch. I mentioned last week I was getting tired so at the end of last week he let me lie in. This morning he is infuriated and said it was one off. Just venting really as I feel so emotional and guilty 😞

OP posts:
HeadachesByTheDozen · 03/02/2020 10:46

Good on you, OP! You deserve so much more than being treated like this. It sounds like you have a supportive workplace, too. Cake

Booboostwo · 03/02/2020 10:46

Well done OP! Stay strong and I am so glad work have been understanding and supportive! Any time you waver and think of going back, re-read this thread.

CoolcoolcoolcoolcoolNoDoubt · 03/02/2020 10:47

Well done OP, my best wishes to you Flowers

HettySunshine · 03/02/2020 10:48

Well done op. You are taking a huge step in protecting yourself from an abusive man.

Stay strong and do keeping posting. You will get brilliant advice from the amazing ladies on this site.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/02/2020 10:49

Also, expecting you to get up at 5am to make his breakfast? That man has no respect for you. My DH get's up an hour before me for work and he tiptoes around the room trying not to disturb me. Please stay strong and stay out of that toxic relationship

Deandra46 · 03/02/2020 10:52

Tell him to make his own pissing breakfast, you're not his slave!

gottastopeatingchocolate · 03/02/2020 10:53

Well done for getting out, OP.
Take everything with you - remember any important documents.

Who rents/owns the home? Do you have joint accounts? Make sure that you can't get financially locked out.

Your IDVA will support you as you move forward. All the very best to you.

Satsuma2 · 03/02/2020 10:57

Well done OP, stay strong, we're all here for you at any time. Virtual hugs from me.

NotAPan · 03/02/2020 10:58

Oh love that's brilliant news. Big love to your head for being so wonderful too!

I'm so glad for you.

Now - important documents, basic clothes out first. Can your cousin be with you from when he gets home and finds out?

Jux · 03/02/2020 10:59

Well done, Milo!

Think of it like this: it took his mum 24 years of misery to leave his dad, but you don't want 24 years of misery ahead of you, do you, so you're breaking the bond now. You can have 24 years of happiness instead.

You won't find the right man as long as you stay with the wrong one - and you know he's the wrong one.

Snakelet · 03/02/2020 11:00

Just read the thread. So relieved you are getting support and are leaving. Don’t waver and keep going.

Wishing you a future of peace of mind, calmness and no more abuse. You have taken a huge step forward and your life will be so much better. Good luck and keep going.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 03/02/2020 11:02

OP
My heart lifted when I read your post.
I am so glad that you have RL support too.

Take all important paperwork and anything of sentimental value.

If you have a joint account take half of what is in there and put it in your personal bank account.

He may bombard you with texts, get your cousin to check them and save them if they are abusive. Don’t answer the phone to him and don’t believe any apologies.

Motoko · 03/02/2020 11:03

Well done OP, I know it's hard, possibly the hardest thing you've done, but it really is the right thing. Whatever he says or promises, you must never go back. It's all lies, and his abuse will escalate even more.

Take all the help offered, and just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

LangittleClegabbage · 03/02/2020 11:06

I am so pleased to hear this, well done OP! Please stay strong. You have done the right thing, but sometimes you will question this, until you are fully free of him and realise how good life can be.

I believe the Freedom Program has information about the ways he will try to convince you to go back to him. Please start the program so that you will be prepared for his tricks.

All the best OP - your journey to freedom and happiness has begun Flowers

billy1966 · 03/02/2020 11:07

OP, if you have a joint account, remove half
the money asap to a safe account before he can.

Get any paperwork you need from the house.

Protect yourself from this vile man.

MulticolourMophead · 03/02/2020 11:07

OP, I'm glad you've left. As others are saying, be practical, get all the financial stuff, etc, you can gather. Make sure to change any passwords you think he might know, and don't let him know where you are.

I'm another one, been there and left after 30 years, the DC both have MH issues but we are getting better 3 years on.

You'll probably find yourself weakening at times, and just keep reading this thread at those times for all the support. 💐

BercowsFlyingFlamingo · 03/02/2020 11:07

Well done OP. I'm so glad you got out before he ramped things up.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/02/2020 11:07

That's really good to hear - so glad your Deputy Head is such a proactive and helpful person! Now you just need to stick to your guns - don't fall for any bullshit lies about how he'll change, he didn't mean it blah blah - if you go back, he'll be nice for a short while but then it will go back to the way it was before and worse, because he knows he's got you where he wants you.

Hope this is the turning point for you Thanks

Juliette20 · 03/02/2020 11:14

Christ, if someone hit me with a pillow early in the morning I would properly lose my shit.

He is royally taking the piss and sounds nasty as others have said. Very well done for leaving. The next thing to do is make sure you are safe, and then never go back.

Ikora · 03/02/2020 11:14

Whatever he says or does please do not return to this man, he will probably revert to all kinds of stuff and make promises to try and get you to return to being his slave. You may feel some guilt or yearning but do not give in. He may even cry and it’s something you have never seen before to show his alleged depth of regret and love. All his behaviour will be manipulative.

His escalation after the PG is typical of classic abusive behaviour.

Good luck.

saraclara · 03/02/2020 11:17

Wow! Well done for acting so swiftly! And fantastic that your DH was so responsive and took time out to help you in such a practical way.

All the very best to you, and I hope you're able to get your stuff out quickly and straightforwardly.

saraclara · 03/02/2020 11:18

Oh! And by DH I meant Deputy Head!

KennyRogersWasNotInStarWars · 03/02/2020 11:18

Well done OP and good luck Flowers

Inherdefence · 03/02/2020 11:22

That’s amazing OP. Well done and best of luck Flowers

CatherineTheNotSoGreat · 03/02/2020 11:23

Have just read the thread and I echo everyone's advice.

I'm delighted to read your update. Best decision ever. Stay strong. Be prepared for him to plead, beg, promise the sun moon and stars to get you to go back to him. Please stay strong. nothing is surer but that he will not change, only get worse.

Wishing you all the best. Stay strong!