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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask, if you had your time again, would you have kids?

416 replies

UndecidedOne · 02/02/2020 22:32

My husband and I don't have kids yet (he's 32 and I'm 27). We have bought a bigger house in preparation for starting a family, but I'm just not sure if I want kids or not. So would you have kids again if you could start over? And what do you like and dislike about being a parent?

OP posts:
augustusglupe · 03/02/2020 10:52

Yes, absolutely!! I have one grown up DD and it’s my only regret in life now, at 55, that I didn’t have more children.
I wasn’t maternal atall and got pregnant in my early 20s. I found the first years hard but tbh it’s made me grow and develop as a person myself.
I was the youngest of 4 and I suppose when I got pregnant, still quite immature.
Our DD means everything to me and DH and I just wish I’d had another.
Go for it!!

TheVanguardSix · 03/02/2020 10:54

Absolutely!! But I really wanted kids.
I have to say, if I never experienced the my ovaries going up in flames of desire for babies at the age of 27, I am not sure if I would have had kids for the sake of having them or because that’s ‘just what you do’.
I really, really, REALLY wanted kids, wanted a family. Equally, I found first time parenthood AMAZINGLY beautiful and totally soul-destroying at times. I’d do it all again without skipping a beat. But that’s ME.

PerfectPeony2 · 03/02/2020 10:55

I just posted about what a hard time I’m having with my toddler.

But yes 100% I wouldn’t be without her.Grin I had her when I was 26 and I’m glad I didn’t wait. By the time I’m into my 30’s we’ll have more independence and be able to have more days out/ holidays as a family.

NewYearmorestress · 03/02/2020 10:56

Either no, or sooner. Sooner because I wouldn't be so tired and older family members would have been able to have had /would be able to have more time with dc.
No, because various health issues meant I nearly died having dc.

user1494670108 · 03/02/2020 10:56

Yes without question although in my twenties I felt exactly as you do.
In our early thirties we both lost a parent, felt more established in careers, house, life in general and just gradually changed our minds.
Have never regretted it, they have brought so much joy, laughs, pleasure, new friendships, new experiences.
They're in their teens now and still make every experience, be it Christmas, holidays, trips to the cinema or just time at home, more interesting.

albus55 · 03/02/2020 10:59

I was always a little bit unsure and had doubts of 'what if' but went for it and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner! I have a 2.5 year old daughter and currently 8 months pregnant with number 2. Yes some days are hard but honestly the amount of joy and love you get is like nothing else you will ever experience. The good always out weighs the bad and as long as you're part of a solid team, it'll all be fine and you'll wonder what you ever did without them.

Grasspigeons · 03/02/2020 11:00

Its been lovely for me but i think i wouldnt have them for them. I hope they have a content life but i cant help feeling i brought them into a word of suffering. It was a bit selfish of me.

ShipwreckSuse · 03/02/2020 11:02

Yes, and would have had a second one sooner. I left a gap as we were moving country etc - now our son is 5, been trying for a year and the second baby is not happening. I wish I'd just tried again straightaway.

BurMaMa2 · 03/02/2020 11:02

No, Too emotionally damaged and bullied into it. . However, my son is now an adult with a wife and three children. He and they are resolute, determined and generally, I hope, happy. We are regularly in touch and they visit a couple of times a year.

MrsFlump · 03/02/2020 11:03

Yes, I would but would have them sooner so that I could have more than one. Like you I was undecided and the years just flew by until I was 41 and decided then that yes I really wanted children but because of my age I could only have one. We are really lucky to have him as I miscarried twins before we conceived DS, then it was too late to try again as the menopause started.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 03/02/2020 11:03

I'm interested in posters telling OP not to have DC unless she's "sure" she wants them. It seems like sensible enough advice but I'm just not sure that's realistic when it comes to Parenthood. How "sure" can you really be about something that you can't really experience until it's happened? There's no try before you buy when it comes to being a Parent. I have always worked with kids and loved every minute of it. I come from a large extended family so was always used to having children around and adored spending time with the DC of friends and relations. So I thought I had a pretty good idea of what I was letting myself I'm for and I was "sure" I wanted DC, I was absolutely adamant. I was one of those people that everyone said would be "a natural" and yet, I'm one of those who has answered that I would stay child-free if I had my time again.

We might like to think that we're in control but Parenthood is a leap of faith.

HolyChickpea · 03/02/2020 11:04

No I wouldn't. My DC is my world but I don't enjoy being a parent and my life was easier/better before.
I was not sure if I wanted children and I should have listened to my own doubts.
Sorry if that sounds harsh. I will of course never let my DC know those thoughts and they are very loved!

PooWillyBumBum · 03/02/2020 11:05

No I don’t think those who have kids (me included) can say with any confidence what life would’ve been like without it. Perhaps with the extra time/energy/money my career would’ve sky rocketed, or id be able to retire in my early 40s, or id have fostered deeper more meaningful relationships with friends or my husband. Who knows!! You can’t say what the path you didn’t take would’ve looked like or that you know whether or not life would’ve been better or worse.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 03/02/2020 11:06

Absolutely and definitely yes. Other people's kids are annoying, your own are the light and wonder of the world. First six months can be a bit of a shitter but generally fab after that!

TwoZeroTwoZero · 03/02/2020 11:06

No. Lack of money, lack of freedom and lack of time to do anything that I want to do. Environmental concerns - about both their impact upon the earth and the state of the planet when they grow up.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/02/2020 11:08

Yes absolutely

bengalcat · 03/02/2020 11:09

Yes but only had the one . Still carried on working , socialising etc and just hired a nanny / babysitter to facilitate the above . Haven't worked out the financial cost but doubtless could've bought a chalet in the Alps for the same amount .
Have enjoyed every age of DD growing up .

elliejjtiny · 03/02/2020 11:09

Yes definitely. If I had my time again I would make more effort to lose the baby weight (or not gain so much in the first place). I was totally in denial and thought I could eat whatever I wanted and it would all come off when I breastfed. That's the only thing I regret.

Glittertwins · 03/02/2020 11:11

No, knowing what I do now, I would not do it. At 27 I was dead against it too. Sometimes I wonder why I changed my mind a few years later.

TheVanguardSix · 03/02/2020 11:11

First six months can be a bit of a shitter but generally fab after that!

It's not all jolly hockey sticks.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/02/2020 11:13

First six months can be a bit of a shitter but generally fab after that!

ah no I love the new baby stage (although my two were really easy babies so maybe that view would be different if they weren't)

zafferana · 03/02/2020 11:14

Yes, I would. It's hard work and there are a lot of sacrifices along the way in terms of your adult life and your time, sleep, etc, but you only live once and for me a life without my kids in it would've been significantly diminished.

okiedokieme · 03/02/2020 11:15

Yes, and one more at least

wendywoopywoo222 · 03/02/2020 11:17

I wouldn't have kids if I had my time again.
I never had kids this time and have no regrets.

Hepsibar · 03/02/2020 11:20

I would but ... and the but is now knowing it is possible to survive 4 years of sleepless nights, multiple tantrums, juggle work and children, teen years, and so on ... it doesnt leave you unchanged physically or mentally and in my case all the childcare, support with school, activities, taxi duties, learning to drive and sacrifice in career and future pension has fallen on me.

I love my children to bits and am proud of them ... but dogs are much easier!

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