being told by other kids that my DD is annoying

[ilovepenguins79]

This week i have had two separate girls (both age 5 and classmates in reception with my DD) come up to me, looking rather pleased with themselves, to tell me that they find my DD annoying due to the way she hugs (around the neck and we are working on this, she's just a bit unaware of personal space).
I was quite taken aback and responded 'thank you for letting me know, we can all be a bit annoying sometimes can't we?'.
DD can get a bit over excited and forgets herself but (and i know i am biased) i couldn't see her going out of her way to speak to her peers parents about anything let alone something like this.

AIBU to be a bit taken aback by this?

I think the word victims is astonishingly harsh. You make it sound like they are being abused and as I said, if they are uncomfortable the hugging needs to stop. If you read my post properly you would see that I made that very clear. ALL of the children, including the OPs DD who has no malicious intent need to feel secure, safe and happy.

I don't want to encourage your derailment of this thread, Larry, but the irony of a post that has no bearing on the subject matter of the thread, just an ad hominem in fact, accusing me of loving the last word, isn't lost on me.

I will wait for all the convincing arguments whose existence you are confident of, but which apparently elude you.

...it is absolutely right to teach children not to say hurtful things especially as OPs DD was in no way being malicious.

An adult to whom a report is made should be able to rise above personal discomfort and accept that reporting a breach of personal boundaries is something to be lauded. An adult should also understand that the act of reporting shouldn't come with conditions that might put off a reporter. In this case, the adult took the report as a personal insult, which is very regrettable.

You can tell them that's not a nice thing to say, ask if they don't like the hugs and tell DD to stop. I should imagine that this is what the nursery teacher would do. This is the way that all feeling would not be hurt and the hugs will still be stopped in the future.
I hope to goodness that the teacher will do no such thing. There is no requirement whatsoever that children reporting unwanted touch spare anyone's feelings or consider 'manners' when making a report. In fact, considerations of the feelings of others, whether perpetrators or individuals they report a problem to, can interfere with efforts to get children to understand the seriousness of breaches of personal boundaries.

The teacher can teach the children not to call each other names, but she absolutely should not confuse that with language use when reporting to an adult.

The teacher can teach the children not to call each other names, but she absolutely should not confuse that with language use when reporting to an adult.
This.
It's two separate things. One is addressing any name calling, the other is a child reporting unwanted contact. There's no "but remember to police your language and play down how you feel" with the latter.

Amazing how this thread has got to 11 pages and so many posters haven’t managed to read the OP’s update so are accusing her daughter of ‘unwanted physical touching’ etc.

She says the girls in the class all hug each other in the morning. Her daughter isn’t running round randomly grabbing and hugging other children. The girls are saying that the way she hugs is annoying, not the fact she hugs.

That’s why the OP is trying to teach her daughter about ‘safe hugs’.

The DD hugs the girls around the neck, where they do not want her arms. If you do not want someone touching you in a specific place you have the right to object and complain, because it is 'unwanted physical touching'.

Monkeynuts18
It is unwanted unless the girls want to be hugged around their neck. They don't want to be hugged around the neck and find it annoying.

The messages we send children about personal space and boundaries when they are younger matter.

Lots of 'smug' patents around too unfortunately OP.

They don't want hugging around the neck... and the OP is addressing this by teaching about appropriate hugs... as she said.

Yes, but also complaining about the temerity and wording of the two small girls who complained, gossiping with a friend about the girls, and snubbing one of them.

The wider implications of her response to the girls - how we treat children who report unwanted touch - are really important.