Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argument with DP -aibu?

132 replies

Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:03

DP works away and it's a 2 week away , 2 week home rotation.
He went to new zealand woth a friend 4 months ago and stayed there for his 2 weeks home, only coming home 1 day before he left for work so i didnt see him for 6 weeks technically.

We went on a short european holiday at christmas time. He's gone back to work today and i took him to the airport in the early hours and we're fine now. But yesterday, i dont know if i was being unreasonable, we were on our way to the shops and he brought up thst he might go to austrailia with his friend during his 2 weeks home.
I asked why it had to be the entire 2 weeks and he said it's because there's no point going to austrailia for a week. This started an argument because i said i wont see him for 6 weeks again and i dont get why he has to go the entire 2 weeks.

He then said that he needs to go on holidays with his friends too and I agree he does but does he really need to go the entire 2 weeks!!

We settled on him coming home 3 days before he leaves but i dont know if im being aibu

OP posts:
Original poster
Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:04

Im 27 and hes 26 btw

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 02/02/2020 10:06

Do you get to take an equal number of expensive holidays?
Do you have children?

HugeAckmansWife · 02/02/2020 10:07

Well he's clearly not that bothered about spending any time with you is he? Australia and NZ in a short space of time is £££ also. I would ask if he pulls his weight when 'home' but at this rate, where you live isn't really his home is it? Just somewhere he stores his stuff, gets his post and presumably a shag. Not sure what the point is from your perspective. So no, YANBU and I'd be seriously questioning the relationship.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 02/02/2020 10:08

You say DP - is this a long term relationship? Do you live together, have children?

Could you join him in Australia?

RandomMess · 02/02/2020 10:08

Why can't you both go on these 2 week holidays?

Original poster
Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:10

My friends are all in serious relationships and tend to spend their money on holidays with partners (they only holiday about once a year, cant afford more).

Ive been with dp for 9 months so we dont live together. Im not on enough money to go on too many holidays either. Im hapoy saving to go away in summer. DP is on quite a bit of money so he said travelling and seeing the world is important to him.
I dont mind him holidaying with friends but it'd be nice if he gave us more time than one day together before hes away for 2 weeks again!

OP posts:
Thehop · 02/02/2020 10:11

He’s not that into you. Walk away. You’re not a priority to him.

Original poster
Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:12

I cant go because him and his friend have been planning this for a few months. He said in the car yesterday i can come with but he knowa full well i wont go when it'a just him and his friend and his friend is single so when they were in new zealand they were both drunk every night and his friend was constantly getting with girls,
That's not my kind of holiday

OP posts:
Bipbipbipbip · 02/02/2020 10:12

I'd cut my losses now and walk away.

Original poster
Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:17

Thanks for your advice everyone,
He apologised yesterday and said he understands why i dont want him to go the entire the 2 weeks but i didnt know if i was being controlling

OP posts:
WendyMoiraAngelaDarling · 02/02/2020 10:17

He's not really in a position or even that inclined to be in a committed relationship is he? I'd cut my losses on this one.

Original poster
Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:18

It peed me off more that before he mentioned about going away for 2 weeks,
He said "maybe we can go away for 3-4 days over summer"
So 2 weeks with his friend and 4 days with me Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:19

Dont get me wrong, im happy with a 4 days holiday but just the context annoyed me

OP posts:
Rezie · 02/02/2020 10:19

You've been together for 9 months, don't live together or have joint finances. It sound like you don't have the financial means to do these travels? Maybe you could agree a joint trip together somewhere so that you have time to save up. And if you are planning a future together this is a topic to discuss.

It sounds like traveling is more important to him than spending time with you, but I'm not sure he is totally in the wrong at this point in your relationship. Ita up to you to decide if you are ok with itm

Original poster
Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:20

I dont mind that he wants to holiday with his friend, it's the fact he doesnt need to go the entire 2 weeks

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 02/02/2020 10:21

If you’ve only been together 9 months, and actually only half that time, I’d be cutting him loose. He’s obviously not that bothered about seeing you much

BigPinkFlower · 02/02/2020 10:23

my dh worked similar, we used to fly out and meet him wherever he was based. The company covered the costs as it was the same as him flying home.

Is that an option?

underneaththeash · 02/02/2020 10:23

He's not your DP he's a boyfriend. Yes, he's perfectly entitled to go away with his mates whenever he wants to.
I wouldn't have even have thought to ask a boyfriend of 9 months about going away with friends - I'd just have told him when I was going.

I wouldn't be so clingy, or he may not be your boyfriend for much longer!

yellowallpaper · 02/02/2020 10:24

9 months is a short time in a new relationship, and people (both genders) usually are in love enough to want to spend all their free time together. He sounds as though you are on the periphery of his life, not a priority, and more of a convenience.

If he is this uninterested in spending time with you now, this relationship is very much on his terms and he will drop you in a moment if something else comes by. Respect yourself and find someone who sees time with you a priority.

BreatheAndFocus · 02/02/2020 10:24

It sounds like your a lower priority than his friend. It also sounds like he still wants to play young, free and single on his holidays.

I’d look for someone who was more interested in being a couple and who’d grown up a bit.

TitianaTitsling · 02/02/2020 10:25

If you've only been together 9 months and he's already been planning it for a few months I don't think it's unreasonable of him to go on a planned holiday.

Original poster
Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:25

@underneaththeash well it's respectful to discuss with your partner about going away, especially when youre away most of the year anyway.

OP posts:
airbags · 02/02/2020 10:25

You have been together for 9 month - ask yourself just how much of the 9 months you have actually spent with him. Much less than half of it.

He's young, has money and likes to travel with his friend. You are not his priority and due to his work things are unlikely to change. In your shoes I would get on with my life and that would probably be without him.

Original poster
Apple6757 · 02/02/2020 10:26

And it's not clingy to speak your mind. Bit tiresome that a lot of things females do is defined as "clingy",
I told him i wouldnt be happy with only seeing him one day,
Im not going to lie and act happy to be the "cool" girlfriend

OP posts:
JellyNo15 · 02/02/2020 10:28

You are just not that important to him. I wouldn't lower myself to sticking around for him to just to fit you in when he has nothing else on. You deserve better. A living relationship is where you both want to spend time together. Get yourself some self respect and move on.