Argument with DP -aibu?

[Apple6757]

DP works away and it's a 2 week away , 2 week home rotation.
He went to new zealand woth a friend 4 months ago and stayed there for his 2 weeks home, only coming home 1 day before he left for work so i didnt see him for 6 weeks technically.

We went on a short european holiday at christmas time. He's gone back to work today and i took him to the airport in the early hours and we're fine now. But yesterday, i dont know if i was being unreasonable, we were on our way to the shops and he brought up thst he might go to austrailia with his friend during his 2 weeks home.
I asked why it had to be the entire 2 weeks and he said it's because there's no point going to austrailia for a week. This started an argument because i said i wont see him for 6 weeks again and i dont get why he has to go the entire 2 weeks.

He then said that he needs to go on holidays with his friends too and I agree he does but does he really need to go the entire 2 weeks!!

We settled on him coming home 3 days before he leaves but i dont know if im being aibu

Firstly, partner implies living together, joint finances maybe, kids etc... that’s why people are focusing on it - you’ve given an inaccurate representation of your relationship.

He’s a boyfriend who you’ve been seeing for 9 months, the first few months won’t have been serious and he’s also been away for more than half of those 9 months. It’s not really that serious IMO.

He’s young and wants to travel - you can’t afford to (I’m assuming both in financial terms but also with time off work). Why shouldn’t he go on holiday (assuming he’s not cheating etc) ?

You have tried to exert control by making your displeasure known and it has worked to an extent - he’s cut his trip short due to your guilt trip.

General wisdom is that Australia is a long way away and generally people go for a minimum of 2 weeks (more often than not 3 weeks).

Is his job your issue or would you be unhappy with him going on these holidays if he had a high paying, local job I wonder ?

You sound needy and controlling and if I were him I’d be rethinking your relationship.

You've only been together nine months and don't live together. You're both young, I see no issue with him going away on these holidays. Totally different if uou lived together and kids involved. He wants to travel at this stage in his life. The fact you can't should not be restricting him.

So although uou don't think you're unreasonable I would agree with those who think you are.

You've been together 9 months, and you don't live together. I'm sorry, but I don't feel you can dictate where he spends his time off in this kind of situation.

If he chooses not to spend it with you, then that's very telling of how he feels about you.

After 9 months you should still be firmly in the honeymoon period, and he should be super excited to get home to you .. not booking to go to literally the other side of the world.

You can't force someone to be the person you want them to be.

He's just not that into you.

That's a bit unfair to say he chooses to not spend it with her and isn't that into her, he wishes to travel and has the opportunity. Nothing wrong with that, if it was a woman wishing to travel people would be saying go for it, and don't let a man stop you, if he cares about you he'd want you to go.

Sorry but I don’t think being in a “honeymoon” period means you feel you have to spend every moment of your time off with someone.

In reality, I’m not sure of many people I know who would want to spend every moment of their time off sitting at home with their new (relatively speaking) girlfriend rather than go on holiday occasionally (he may take a lot of holidays compared to most but it’s not like he’s away every time he’s off).

Being new in a relationship does not mean he has to give up his friends, life and independence.

Perhaps he’s not rushing things, rather taking it slow and getting to know the OP while maintaining his life and friendships. Better than rushing in and moving in together / having kids and then the OP being on here in a few months with the ever familiar stories of people who have rushed into such serious life changing decisions without really knowing each other.

I don't see a problem with this. When I saw your first post I wondered if you had children, as obviously that would be an entirely different situation, but you guys don't even live together. He wants to travel and has the means to do so. I don't see why he shouldn't go.

I agree that there is a massive gulf between what I would expect from a partner and what I’d expect from a boyfriend. I’m married and have very different expectations of and obligations to my husband/partner than my DD has from her BF of 6 months.

OP YABU.