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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hen Party for a Vow Renewal - AIBU?

160 replies

NikkiR18 · 01/02/2020 20:45

This is bit of a long one so bear with me...

A close friend of mine decided last year that her and her husband wanted to renew their wedding vows this May after 3 years (she didnt like how the first wedding went and wants to do it all again, basically....). Me and another friend of hers are bridesmaids. They've booked a venue which has already changed twice due to her falling out with certain friends/owners, she's bought a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses for us, there's a table plan, decorations, centerpieces, the works. She has also decided that she didnt like her hen do first time round and wants to do it all again.

She wants a spa weekend away (2 nights) at around £100 each. A lot of the ladies were unable to get time off work or arrange childcare, but said they could attend a day/evening. This wasnt good enough for the bride and she is now complaining that if everything had been arranged sooner then none of this would be a problem. Us two bridesmaids agreed that we understood that the bride wanted to arrange the hen do and apologised for the miscommunication. We have tried to organise an alternative to which she threw what I can only describe as a tantrum, claiming that 'she can't be bothered now and doesnt want anything. She doesnt want to do anything else and now doesnt want a hen do at all. She wanted it to be about her and what she wants, now she isn't getting what she wants'. She has blamed everyone else for not sorting this sooner.

Now, AIBU to think that full-on weekend away hen do for a vow renewal is OTT and slightly self-absorbed, or am I a terrible friend for not taking the reigns and sorting something out sooner?

OP posts:

Ginfordinner · 01/02/2020 20:52

She sounds extremely self absorbed and attention seeking. Why on earth does she feel entitled to a hen do now? Why can't she just have some quality time with her female friends (if she has any left)?

Onthetrain75 · 01/02/2020 20:54

She sounds like a nightmare. Why are you friends with her?!!

Noshowlomo · 01/02/2020 20:56

She sounds like a little bitch. She’s done it once, and it’s no one else’s fault she wants to do it again.!

Duvetdweller · 01/02/2020 20:56

You’ve got to be taking the piss

Ohfrigginghellers · 01/02/2020 20:56

Wow! This is nuts. I don't get vow renewals. You shouldn't have to renew them that's the point!

derekmorgan · 01/02/2020 20:58

She sounds like a massive bellend to br honest. Bloody leave her to it!

flouncyfanny · 01/02/2020 20:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1493413286 · 01/02/2020 20:59

This is ridiculous; I thought from the title that maybe she got married 20 years ago but why should people come to another hen do when they only went to one 3 years ago

BruceAndNosh · 01/02/2020 21:00

Her poor husband. I bet she's a nightmare to live with

Overandabove1 · 01/02/2020 21:00

It’s only been 3 years since her first wedding she sounds very OTT!

Foslady · 01/02/2020 21:00

That’s not a vow renewal - that’s a full blown wedding MKII! A vow renewal is about confirming their commitment, not wearing a different white dress and veil.......and bridesmaids??? she’s not a bride, she’s already a wife......
(Sorry might be a bit OTT but I still have my cold and I’ve had a shit week....)

PurpleDaisies · 01/02/2020 21:00

Having a hen party for a vowel renewal is clucking bonkers.

PatellarTendonitis · 01/02/2020 21:01

WTAF? Why are pandering to this narcissistic brat?

Cyberve · 01/02/2020 21:01

It's only going to get worse op. She's turned into bridezilla. I'm guessing one of them has been cheating and that's really why they are doing it again. She maybe thinks it must be perfect for the relationship to be successful this time.

I'd run away if I were you and expect to hear they've got divorced in a few years.

LadyTiredWinterBottom2 · 01/02/2020 21:01

It's a bit odd but if you don't want to be a part of it then don't. You don't need us to agree with you.

Scarydinosaurs · 01/02/2020 21:02

Ridiculous ridiculous ridiculous

Nirvana1979 · 01/02/2020 21:02

This is the craziest thing ever 🤣
I'd be saying i can't make it, I'm washing my hair or watching paint dry...

HopeYouStepOnALego · 01/02/2020 21:03

Jeez, she's only been married 3 years, hardly enough time for the ink on the wedding certificate to dry. Did the vows she made first time not mean anything? I don't get why people feel the need to renew them, especially so soon.

BennytheBall · 01/02/2020 21:04

Nightmare. What's the point of vows 'til death' if you then have to renew them? She's just a brat who wants more attention at another 'wedding'.

summervines · 01/02/2020 21:04

She's a classic attention seeker. Is she selling the photography rights to Hello?!

StandingOvulation · 01/02/2020 21:04

The level of narcissism displayed on the century astounds me.

Who had the affair?

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 01/02/2020 21:04

What is she going to do if she decides she doesn’t like this second wedding?
Is she going to keep redoing every three years or until her husband has had enough and gets shot of her?

I would quietly distance myself from this frIendship as unless she is amazing in ways not mentioned she sounds like a self obsessed pain in the arse.

GonnaBeMaayy · 01/02/2020 21:05

I think she just sounds like someone with hurt feelings tbh.

Ok. So she’s blown up and been a bit unreasonable. But I reckon she was just wanting something special. Like a wedding do over. But no one else understands. So she’s went and threw the dummy out the pram.

No one really understands or likes vow renewals. Vow renewals are really for whoever is pushing for it. In this case, it’s the “bride”. So ergo - hurt feelings and knee jerk reaction.

It’s up to you OP if you want to try and salvage it. Coffee and a heart to heart would be my first suggestion of an olive branch. If you’re not bothered then you’re not bothered.

TowerRavenSeven · 01/02/2020 21:05

I totally understand where she is coming from. My mother was diagnosed with a brain tumor less than a week before our wedding. She did attend but it was more like a funeral, people were crying at our wedding because of my mother - it was extremely hard to hold everything together. It was an awful day. She died five months later.

Five years later I decided I also wanted a vow renewal/read: new wedding. At the last minute I decided it was ridiculous, we were already married! Nothing was going to change the fact. We ended up having an anniversary party because it was too late to call off the caterers. All that said I think your friend is OTT! She had her wedding. It sucked, I get it. But it’s over and done and expecting people to take time off for “another’’ hen do is too much!

PlanDeRaccordement · 01/02/2020 21:05

A vow renewal after only 3yrs that is essentially a second wedding or wedding do-over indicates the marriage is in deep deeeeeep trouble.
I’d send my regrets and stay away.
She sounds like an emotional vampire that needs to create drama so she can feed off it all.

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