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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hen Party for a Vow Renewal - AIBU?

160 replies

NikkiR18 · 01/02/2020 20:45

This is bit of a long one so bear with me...

A close friend of mine decided last year that her and her husband wanted to renew their wedding vows this May after 3 years (she didnt like how the first wedding went and wants to do it all again, basically....). Me and another friend of hers are bridesmaids. They've booked a venue which has already changed twice due to her falling out with certain friends/owners, she's bought a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses for us, there's a table plan, decorations, centerpieces, the works. She has also decided that she didnt like her hen do first time round and wants to do it all again.

She wants a spa weekend away (2 nights) at around £100 each. A lot of the ladies were unable to get time off work or arrange childcare, but said they could attend a day/evening. This wasnt good enough for the bride and she is now complaining that if everything had been arranged sooner then none of this would be a problem. Us two bridesmaids agreed that we understood that the bride wanted to arrange the hen do and apologised for the miscommunication. We have tried to organise an alternative to which she threw what I can only describe as a tantrum, claiming that 'she can't be bothered now and doesnt want anything. She doesnt want to do anything else and now doesnt want a hen do at all. She wanted it to be about her and what she wants, now she isn't getting what she wants'. She has blamed everyone else for not sorting this sooner.

Now, AIBU to think that full-on weekend away hen do for a vow renewal is OTT and slightly self-absorbed, or am I a terrible friend for not taking the reigns and sorting something out sooner?

OP posts:
Oulu · 02/02/2020 17:58

They've booked a venue which has already changed twice due to her falling out with certain friends/owners

Falling out with people about weddings seems to be a bit of a theme with this person. You really need to keep well away from the whole thing.

AlpacaGoodnight · 02/02/2020 18:43

Total batshittery! Why would you agree to be 'bridesmaid', I would stop pandering to her as she is just going to get worse!

MsTSwift · 02/02/2020 19:13

It all sounds properly mental.

CruCru · 02/02/2020 20:02

I wonder why she wants this vow renewal? If her wedding was an ordinary one then it is a bit weird to want to do a vow renewal. However if her father got arrested / her entire family had a fistfight / her mother quarrelled with a bunch of people / everyone had norovirus and no one talked to or mentioned her, it is more understandable.

The problem is that weddings use up people’s money and emotional energy. It sounds as though you are a nice friend.

firstimemamma · 02/02/2020 20:04

The concept of a hen night for a vow renewal is ridiculous, as is renewing your vows after only 3 years!

Wellhellooothere · 02/02/2020 20:36

She’s either got serious mental health issues or is incredibly self absorbed...

HillAreas · 02/02/2020 20:59

She’s a twat.

CherryPavlova · 02/02/2020 21:07

It’s either not true or its entirely ridiculous.
One does not needed to renew wedding vows - in fact to so do rather undermines the notion of ‘until death do us part’. Wedding vows last until one party dies.
Three years on is barely any time at all. Does she have a princess attitude perchance?

Figgygal · 02/02/2020 21:09

She sounds like a massive tit
Back away gracefully op

kmammamalto · 02/02/2020 21:22

You know what, I actually think what is most sad is that you are her bridesmaid, and therefore I'm guessing one of her closest friends and you've written a horrible post about her on a website where everyone is now calling her names...

Durgasarrow · 02/02/2020 21:28

Your friend is insane. This story is one for the ages.

GabsAlot · 03/02/2020 00:00

You dont renew your vows unless theres something wrong i.e katie price and kieron and look how that turned out

loopery · 03/02/2020 00:08

The only vow renewal I’ve ever heard of in my neck of the woods is a couple where the husband had been caught shagging her best mate. Romantic! Not.

Imok · 03/02/2020 00:27

I'm another one who doesn't really understand how renewals. My promises included the 'until death us so part' or however it was phrased. To me, that means that those vows stand until either one of us dies, or, one of us chooses to break them. Don't understand really, why you would need to renew a promise that hasn't been broken.

Butterymuffin · 03/02/2020 00:46

Don't know if OP will be back now but..

Were you at her first wedding? Did you know her then? What was wrong with it?

Yes, I want this story!

I want to hear more about a two night spa for £100 each bargain

Me too!

Nothing says "Steve's been shagging his colleague at conferences" like a vow renewal after 3 years.

Nailed it. They should put this on the invites.

CrowleysBentley · 03/02/2020 01:00

I wouldn't go to the vow renewal or hen do, or be involved at all, she sounds like a fucking arsehole. Save yourself a lot of stress and money, and tell her to piss off.

clairedelalune · 03/02/2020 06:42

Why is anybody entertaining this idea?

DonKeyshot · 03/02/2020 07:33

WTF? A hen do for a vow renewal?

As PurpleDaisies said on p.1 of your thread, clucking bonkers, OP.

It's a relief to know she doesn't want one any more and one can only hope she's thrown her last tantrum before the do-over renewal.

thelikelylass · 03/02/2020 07:33

I read these threads sometimes and I get really jealous that I'm not involved with crazed people like this, I would love to be watching something like this unfold in real life...

Ginfordinner · 03/02/2020 08:02

I know what you mean thelikelylass Grin
I just don't know anyone in real life who would do this kind of thing, and if I did I expect they know they would get short shrift from me so wouldn't even ask me or try anything on with me.

CautiousPractice · 03/02/2020 11:18

I know someone who is hosting a vow renewal this year because she wants to do it "her way" this time. My favourite response to this was when her own mother said well you did it your way the first time, to which the retort was "I know but this time i'm having XYZ". Heaven forbid anyone suggest the whole thing is ridiculous and grabby (she expects gifts), because this results in uninvitation for about a week, before you get reinvited because less attendees = less gifts.

She has also demanded a pricey "hen" party which is going to run into the couple of hundred per attendee.

This is woman is in her mid 40s, this is her second husband (but they have been married over 10 years), and the renewal is at the same church, same reception venue, same colour scheme, same food, same pretty much everything - except the addition of a few attendees, the "wedding dress", and the addition of a theme.

Oh and did I mention this particular renewalzilla is my future MIL?

WonderWomanIsTired · 03/02/2020 11:40

Obviously OP YADDNBU.

Setting aside the fact that this is a vow renewal/do over expensive stag & hen dos are a personal bug bear. I was invited to a colleague's hen do a while back, I'd known her 6 months so didn't know her well and they wanted £600 for a weekend in Brighton. I politely declined.

I'm having a crap day but this thread is making me smile - sorry OP.

FWIW with hindsight there's plenty that I would do differently from my first wedding but I wouldn't. We're happy and that's what matters.

I'd understand if it was a big anniversary, their family is bigger and they want a good reason for a party or family get together but 3 years? It does smack of something else going on in the marriage.

To echo everyone else distance yourself and spend the money on you.

HaudMaDug · 03/02/2020 13:02

Vow renewals are the sticking plaster for broken vows.

dayslikethese1 · 03/02/2020 13:24

Wtf? Is this a thing?

What was wrong with the first wedding?

Your friend sounds like hard work.

NoMorePoliticsPlease · 03/02/2020 13:26

The whole thing is ridiculous, she wants another wedding to the same person!

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