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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Hen Party for a Vow Renewal - AIBU?

160 replies

NikkiR18 · 01/02/2020 20:45

This is bit of a long one so bear with me...

A close friend of mine decided last year that her and her husband wanted to renew their wedding vows this May after 3 years (she didnt like how the first wedding went and wants to do it all again, basically....). Me and another friend of hers are bridesmaids. They've booked a venue which has already changed twice due to her falling out with certain friends/owners, she's bought a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses for us, there's a table plan, decorations, centerpieces, the works. She has also decided that she didnt like her hen do first time round and wants to do it all again.

She wants a spa weekend away (2 nights) at around £100 each. A lot of the ladies were unable to get time off work or arrange childcare, but said they could attend a day/evening. This wasnt good enough for the bride and she is now complaining that if everything had been arranged sooner then none of this would be a problem. Us two bridesmaids agreed that we understood that the bride wanted to arrange the hen do and apologised for the miscommunication. We have tried to organise an alternative to which she threw what I can only describe as a tantrum, claiming that 'she can't be bothered now and doesnt want anything. She doesnt want to do anything else and now doesnt want a hen do at all. She wanted it to be about her and what she wants, now she isn't getting what she wants'. She has blamed everyone else for not sorting this sooner.

Now, AIBU to think that full-on weekend away hen do for a vow renewal is OTT and slightly self-absorbed, or am I a terrible friend for not taking the reigns and sorting something out sooner?

OP posts:
dayslikethese1 · 03/02/2020 13:26

I don't understand how people can afford one wedding let alone multiple ones...Will she be expecting gifts again?

DobbyLovesSocks · 03/02/2020 13:27

I've been to a vow renewal; the couple had been married for 40 years and the husband was undergoing cancer treatment and not sure if he would survive. They just wanted to re-affirm their commitment to each other. Party at their house after with the whole family. We all chipped in to send them away for a mini break after his initial treatment finished.
That was 5 years ago and he has just got his all-clear. Still very happily married

Spidey66 · 03/02/2020 13:32

Whenever I hear the words ‘vow renewal’ I think ‘who’s cheated?’

Don’t see the point of them really , and they this ‘hen party’ just reaffirms it.

WeeBitSleepy · 03/02/2020 13:34

I have friends who are not married who’ve been together years longer than your friend. Seriously, think it’s to mask a cry for help from your friend, is there something IRL she needs some support with? Better to be a good friend than a bridesmaid on this occasion.

Daftodil · 03/02/2020 15:26

Is your friend made of money?! Not many people I know could afford a full on wedding 3 years after the last one.

Kind of unreasonable to expect guests to shoulder the expenses (gift, new outfit, babysitters, travel, hotels etc) that go along with wedding attendance for a vow renewal (unless a significant amount of time has passed or one of them is dying...)

As for the hen do, call her bluff and say ok, if she doesn't want anything, that's fine, but if she changes her mind to let you know and you can arrange a night out with everyone.

BrimfulofSasha · 03/02/2020 15:29

renewing Vows after just 3 years??? has she got money to burn!

MrsBrentford · 03/02/2020 15:33

We have been married three years this year (2nd time) and we haven’t even framed any of our wedding photos yet Grin

She sounds like a twat.

MulticolourMophead · 03/02/2020 15:39

But gifts aren't traditional at a vow renewal.......

pigsDOfly · 03/02/2020 15:48

She doesn't sound like a very happy person if she needs this level of fuss to make things right.

I'm thinking pps who said someone has cheated are probably right.

Sounds very much like her husband has cheated and she wants him to promise his fidelity and life long love over again to make things better and make the cheating go away.

Whatever her reasons, you, nor anyone else, can make the wedding right for her; even if it is just because the first one didn't end up the way she wanted.

Personally, I'd let her get on with it and keep my distance. She sounds like a nightmare.

Starlight456 · 03/02/2020 20:44

7 pages looks like op isn’t coming back

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