Hen Party for a Vow Renewal - AIBU?

[NikkiR18]

This is bit of a long one so bear with me...

A close friend of mine decided last year that her and her husband wanted to renew their wedding vows this May after 3 years (she didnt like how the first wedding went and wants to do it all again, basically....). Me and another friend of hers are bridesmaids. They've booked a venue which has already changed twice due to her falling out with certain friends/owners, she's bought a wedding dress and bridesmaid dresses for us, there's a table plan, decorations, centerpieces, the works. She has also decided that she didnt like her hen do first time round and wants to do it all again.

She wants a spa weekend away (2 nights) at around £100 each. A lot of the ladies were unable to get time off work or arrange childcare, but said they could attend a day/evening. This wasnt good enough for the bride and she is now complaining that if everything had been arranged sooner then none of this would be a problem. Us two bridesmaids agreed that we understood that the bride wanted to arrange the hen do and apologised for the miscommunication. We have tried to organise an alternative to which she threw what I can only describe as a tantrum, claiming that 'she can't be bothered now and doesnt want anything. She doesnt want to do anything else and now doesnt want a hen do at all. She wanted it to be about her and what she wants, now she isn't getting what she wants'. She has blamed everyone else for not sorting this sooner.

Now, AIBU to think that full-on weekend away hen do for a vow renewal is OTT and slightly self-absorbed, or am I a terrible friend for not taking the reigns and sorting something out sooner?

Your demented friend doesn't seem to understand the difference between a wedding and a marriage. A wedding is a (hopefully) splendid party on a single day. A marriage is for life. You can't fix a wonky marriage by rerunning the wedding day.

She's going to need another renewal soon at this rate..

3 years? I wouldn't have any part of it. It's ridiculous. Let them renew their vows every day in the comfort of their fucking living room if they feel the need. It's pathetic to feel the need to go through the entire charade again. Tell her to stick her hen weekend and her renewal up her self absorbed arse!

Batshit crazy. I wouldn't be entertaining any part of it.

It all sounds a bit OTT, but she has suggested that she'd rather not have a "hen" party at all than something that doesn't match her expectations.

I'd just acknowledge that "OK, if you feel that's best" and forget all about the "hen" do - then see if the bridesmaid status gets dropped too (I can't imagine you'd be too devastated!)

How’s she still married 😆, if she waits long enough she can redo the entire thing with a new husband, she sounds like such hard work! Renewing vows after 3 years, really? I mean do they really need renewing if you meant it the first time?!

Can’t she just have a nice anniversary party if she hated the first wedding so much? It’s all going to seem a bit boring and repetitive for all the guests doing an entire wedding again, does she not grasp that from the lack of enthusiasm from her friends?

What was first wedding like op?

Were you bridesmaid first time.

Obviously yanbu

She's a narcissistic bitch and you need to be as far away from her as possible. The silly cow.

That's ridiculous.

I've got a neighbour who is doing a big vow-renewal because she is terminally ill (they got married in a quick registry office Wednesday afternoon wedding because of cost, but she'd always wanted a big wedding and they originally discussed doing it on a big anniversary in 10/20 years) and even she's not demanding like that.

I wouldn’t be going to any of it. Vows don’t expire and she is already married.

Renewing your vows on, say, your Golden Wedding Anniversary I kind of get, but basically deciding to have a second wedding a few years after the first is absolutely ridiculous. Wanting to have an expensive Hen Do is even more ridiculous, and spitting the dummy out because her "bridesmaids" haven't planned things exactly to her specification is positively insane. Leave her to her crazy plans and find something more enjoyable to do on the day - it doesn't sound as if that would be difficult!

YANBU- the whole thing sounds ridiculous!

To be honest, I really don't get the whole renewal of vows thing. If they meant anything to you when you got married, you wouldn't need to renew them!

I have been with my husband for 10 years, married for 7 and neither if us feel a need to renew because we took it seriously the first time.

Likewise, my parents celebrate their 40th anniversary later this year, having been together for 43 years, no renewal of vows there either.

I only know one couple who renewed and that's because she had an affair

She's not a bride. She's a pita and should be ashamed of herself. Resign very noisily on Facebook or similar and explain its because of her greed and self absorption. You won't regret it.

She’s said she doesn’t want a hen party now. What a relief. No hen party then. She can deal with the fallout herself and you’re spared an expensive day.

She just sounds like an attention seeking idiot.

We've just been invited to a vow renewal and are a bit , DH asked tonight if they will be expecting more wedding presents or if we can just have the first one back and regift it.

Never occurred to me she'd be wanting a bloody second hen do but I wouldn't put it past her...!

Friends of ours had a vow renewal for their silver wedding. Interestingly, the vicar had no idea what this involved.

It was actually a lovely day and we had a lovely girls' get-together the week before.

Christ on a bike, WHY are you friends with this person?! 3 flaming years, she wants a complete take 2 of getting married and expects everyone to be cool with all the cost and hassle that entails? Has she sent out gift lists again?! In case it isn't abundantly clear from all the responses so far, no, YANBU.

I'd make my excuses and bow out of this now if I were you OP, I'd bet money that it's only going to get more bonkers...

@StCharlotte, a silver wedding anniversary is an actual occasion and maybe worth making a big deal of if that's what you'd like.

3 years is pretty random though, they going to do it again every 3 years?!

We did a vow renewal but it was because we were going to Vegas and I’d always thought the Elvis weddings were hilarious - I also hated my original wedding dress so I bought a cute new dress for this (wasn’t a wedding dress - it was a cute party dress), so we did it - just DH and I.

I love that we did it, but I cannot imagine making it a bigger party and expecting friends and family to bring gifts or go to hen’s functions etc.

Vowzilla wants a second wedding vow renewal to make up for her actual wedding being shite.

Vow renewal after three years= husband was caught shagging around.
Vow renewal after three years on the grounds that the wedding was shite= husband was caught shagging around on their wedding day.

I feel like I've missed a trick, here, after almost a decade of marriage.

I shall announce to the current Mr. Whatever in the morning that we must do it all again, only more fancy.

No, no, no!!! How narcissistic. It’s an absolutely ridiculous idea. Just ignore it.

Yikes! I'm planning our vow renewal just now. It will be for our 25th anniversary though. We're having a bash for family and friends this time because we eloped and we thought it would be fun. It's going to be a simple declaration in front of everyone, some food, then dancing. All I'm planning to ask the guests to bring is happy vibes - definitely not presents. Nobody is going to mistake this for a wedding. It's just a big party with a theme after all.

The point of a hen night is that you are celebrating your last night of being a single woman. Obviously that ship has sailed as she's married so it's even more pointless.

Were you at her first wedding? Did you know her then? What was wrong with it?