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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He said his best friend’s wife was more attractive than me.

229 replies

WTAFFF · 01/02/2020 20:05

My DP said today that his best friend’s wife was better looking and more attractive than me. I didn’t ask him this question.

He can’t understand why I might find this a bit hurtful. AIBU?

OP posts:
busybarbara · 03/02/2020 00:24

When I said to him ‘so you think Jane is more attractive than me’?

I hope you’re able to find a man who can gracefully lie when you ask him questions like this in future

mathanxiety · 03/02/2020 05:41

It's not a stupid reason to end it.

If it's not right for you then nobody has the right to challenge your decision.

There is actually no such thing as a stupid reason to end a relationship.

Aderyn19 · 03/02/2020 05:54

When you say you've sent him home, do you mean on a permanent basis?
I never understand why women put up with this shit. If you haven't dumped him properly already, then please do - he isn't going to get better, only more of an arsehole once your lives too enmeshed to leave easily.
Since you don't live with him and have kids with him, you could be free of this misogynist prick right now!

Aderyn19 · 03/02/2020 05:59

Missed your update. Well done. As awful as you feel now, you did the right thing to feel happier in the future.

SnoozyLou · 03/02/2020 08:18

Fact is, if she is, he was just stating a fact to a mate.

In front of OP. If you can't see what's wrong with that, then good luck to you.

Beautiful3 · 03/02/2020 08:18

Well done op, for dumping his pathetic ass. Make sure your next boyfriend makes you feel beautiful.

Heymacarana · 03/02/2020 08:39
  • When I said to him ‘so you think Jane is more attractive than me’?

I hope you’re able to find a man who can gracefully lie when you ask him questions like this in future*

This, and I suspect the poster quoted was being sarcastic.

If he was right, and you knew he was right, it seems very childish to me for you to refuse to accept a FACT and for him to have to lie about something that is blatantly untrue.

If I partner did that I would just think they were being stupid, and would make it more difficult for me to believe anything they said in the future.

kingkuta · 03/02/2020 09:51

When I said to him ‘so you think Jane is more attractive than me’?I hope you’re able to find a man who can gracefully lie when you ask him questions like this in future

Or the OP could find herself a decent man who, shock horror, fancies her more than his mates missus and doesnt rate all women, including her, out of ten.

kingkuta · 03/02/2020 09:56

Fact is, if she is, he was just stating a fact to a mate
If he was right, and you knew he was right, it seems very childish to me for you to refuse to accept a FACT

In front of OP. If you can't see what's wrong with that, then good luck to you.

Exactly this

Rating women out of ten in front of his partner when he has already rated the OP and told her of her rating? OP is well rid of that twat.

And to call the OP childish is fucking hilarious given the context

Nanny0gg · 03/02/2020 09:58

@Heymacarana

Are you one of this 'speak your mind, a spade is a spade' kind of person?

busybarbara · 03/02/2020 10:06

Or the OP could find herself a decent man who, shock horror, fancies her more than his mates missus

How much you fancy someone is a different matter to how objectively physically attractive they are which seems to be the context they were discussing. Similarly you could find someone very physically attractive but not fancy them or even like them at all (Tom Cruise).

12345kbm · 03/02/2020 10:09

Make up some score cards and start scoring him and his performances. Score him when he comes out of the shower, when he's leaving the house, when he comes home, if he cooks, after sex. Tally up all his scores at the end of the week and have an appraisal.

M3lon · 03/02/2020 10:11

Well this is all very depressing.

Not sure if I'm more embarrassed for the partner how can't work out why rating physical attractiveness of women is a shit idea whether or not his partner is listening in, or for the op who also can't reject premise of ranking women's physical attractiveness and had to go try and force her partner in to lying that 'she's the most attractive to him' because she's presumably forgotten that she might have other traits that are important other than looks.

Just a shit show really.

messolini9 · 03/02/2020 12:31

Fact is, if she is, he was just stating a fact to a mate.
"Facts" @Heymacarana, require empirical evidence, & subjective opinion is not "fact".
You've also either chosen to skate conveniently over, or you have comprehension difficulties with, the repugnant ranking system that OP's ex was parading to his mate in OP's earshot.

If you hadn’t asked him, he would have never actually told you she was better looking than you.
Again - you have a comprehension challenge, Macarena. Try RTFT.
They both already knew.
Because as well as his reprehensible ranking of his wife's friend, this ex had previously ranked OP - & assigned her a 'lower' number.

OP didn't need to ask - they both already know.
I imagine her knee-jerk response in asking for clarification was a desperate hope for reassurance.
She knows better now, & I hope she will steer clear of any ridiculous jumped-up squit who behaves like this in future, because anyone, man or woman, who feels it is ok to rank human beings based on arbitrary subjective visual characteristics is pond scum.

HTH

Coyoacan · 03/02/2020 12:32

How much you fancy someone is a different matter to how objectively physically attractive they are

What are the criteria for objectively physically attractive?

Oddly enough you cite Tom Cruise; is having a big snout an objective criteria for physically attraction?

The truth is that beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

But really the OP's ex was just taking advantage of this situation to make her feel shit.

messolini9 · 03/02/2020 12:37

Grin Grin Grin Grin Grin
I do hope he has fun on his own ranking all the women who walked out on him. And well done, OP - 10/10 in fact.

Wine & cheers to that @Craftycorvid.

AryaStarkWolf · 03/02/2020 12:40

He said ‘oh yes she’s a solid 9/10.’ He has previously ‘ranked’ me much lower. When I said to him ‘so you think Jane is more attractive than me’? He replied do I disagree and that she is much more attractive than me.

Jesus he sounds like a pig and so does his friend, they rank each others wives/partners? gross

WellHolyGodMiley · 03/02/2020 14:02

Wish him the best of luck with all the Nines

Sickandscared · 04/02/2020 02:18

I am so glad you've dumped him. I hope you were vague and said you find him unpleasant to be around or something like that. I can just imagine a twat like him covering up the hurt of rejection by turning it into a hilarious story about how you flipped out because he stated the truth.

It is beyond me why PPs are missing the point that he unnecessarily had this conversation with his mate knowing it would hurt your feelings.

You are well rid of this loser.

themental · 04/02/2020 02:44

I'm glad the dumping was due to a culmination of events and not this specific one.

I probably have three friends who are for sure universally more attractive than I am. If my DP lied and said they weren't I'd tell him to get his head checked.

But I'd never say "so you think Jane is more attractive than me????"

Why would you do that Confused

Unless you're the type of person to shrug it off and see it as someone telling the truth, then I'd stop asking these questions.

I find lots of people "better looking" than my DP. But they're not him, which is what I love.

WellHolyGodMiley · 04/02/2020 07:51

Has he reacted with his usual lack of charm?

Butchyrestingface · 04/02/2020 08:02

Agree he sounds like a prick and who needs that?

However, @WTAFFF’s initial post was misleading, which makes me wonder - did you previously ask him to rank you?

Original poster
WTAFFF · 04/02/2020 08:14

Morning. Thanks for all your views. I didn’t ask him to rate me.

I haven’t heard from him. On reflection, I think the thing that bothered me was the rating of another woman in front of me. I asked him the question out of shock and hurt because I knew he rated me (much) lower.

OP posts:
BumbleBeee69 · 04/02/2020 16:26

good on you OP.. you know you deserve better Flowers

RogueV · 04/02/2020 22:19

Do you have kids together?

Sounds like you are well rid op Flowers

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