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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

He said his best friend’s wife was more attractive than me.

229 replies

WTAFFF · 01/02/2020 20:05

My DP said today that his best friend’s wife was better looking and more attractive than me. I didn’t ask him this question.

He can’t understand why I might find this a bit hurtful. AIBU?

OP posts:
elc19 · 01/02/2020 22:23

"A solid 9/10" how old is this moron? I'd be tempted to text his friend and make him aware that your husband and his friends discuss his wife's looks etc and explain how uncomfortable it's made you.

I know that sounds petty but at least he might get a bollocking!

What a prick.

ILearnedItFromABook · 01/02/2020 22:28

Still thinking about this...

On one hand, some people are more attractive than others, and even if you love someone, you may not find them as "beautiful" or physically attractive as many others. Also, would it have been better if he'd lied and said you were more attractive (to him)? It would've been a lie, and you'd have known that.

On the other hand, he could've been much more tactful in his answer, and he really shouldn't be so tacky as to be talking about this, anyway (and he's even more of an idiot to do it in front of you).

Final verdict, he's gross for rating women this way, and at the very least I'd tell him I didn't want to hear another "rating" out of his mouth ever again. (Even apart from everything else, who really cares how he ranks attractiveness? Why would anyone want to know who/what he finds appealing?)

I suspect that the kind of man who does this is probably a jerk or less than satisfactory in other ways, as well. It might not be a bad idea to take a step back and re-evaluate the relationship.

doolallylala · 01/02/2020 22:30

It's immature but I would say "that comment hurt my feelings, most of my ex's had much bigger dicks than you but I kept it to myself.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 01/02/2020 22:31

It doesn’t really matter in what context the Situation came about - the fact is it’s disrespectful to talk about women this way and it gives a good idea of what’s kind of man he is (a misogynistic one who places a lot of importance on looks and weighs women up against one another)
I would never rank my dh out of ten in the first place and he wouldn’t me. He wouldn’t sit and talk this way with his mates. It’s just distasteful and thick.
He’s basically sat there saying he fancies another mans wife. And op isn’t supposed to be bothered by that? What a dick!

Frenchw1fe · 01/02/2020 22:31

Tell him being single is a much more attractive proposition than being with him so he can fuck right off and see if anyone in Jane's league is prepared to date him!

Ohyesiam · 01/02/2020 22:31

And of course, women never rank guys do they grin

My mid teens to my early 30s were a shag fest of assorted men.
I’ve never ranked one of them. It never occurred to me to, probably because they are people not things.
Never heard any of my friends do it either.

doolallylala · 01/02/2020 22:32

Giving him the benefit of the doubt my friends husband is objectively very good looking. He's not hot though & I'm not attracted to him one bit.

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 01/02/2020 22:33

I’ve never ranked men either, and if I was having a conversation with my mates about who I fancy (Michael Fassbender I’m thinking of you!) I certainly wouldn’t be so insensitive to do it in front of dh!

Folicky · 01/02/2020 22:34

Cruel. Not a nice trait. Is he resentful and hurt about something in his own life?

Aquamarine1029 · 01/02/2020 22:37

Are you really not questioning why the fuck you're with this man? Are your standards really this low?

Closetbeanmuncher · 01/02/2020 22:37

A man who speaks about women as if he's judging a crufts show is definitely not for me, he needs to learn some fucking decorum for a start.

Are you able to go into more detail about
the past comments and behaviour please op?

Porkeypine · 01/02/2020 22:45

Pretty sure I’d be filing for divorce if my DH said that to me!!!

I’d probably calm down after a while and not divorce him, but yea that’s a big smack in the teeth that!! Poor you.

Snowfalling20 · 01/02/2020 22:46

Yep I give him 1/10 for crass, hurtful, demeaning words.

Porkeypine · 01/02/2020 22:50

My husband called his ex GF Beautiful. To be fair she was 😩 and I had a few drinks and said she looks like a fish 😳🤦‍♀️ I suppose I wanted him to agree but he got defensive and said she was beautiful.

I know I was in the wrong but I suppose I was testing the feelers as to how he viewed her. I thunk she’s prettier than me but I didn’t want my husband to say that. It back fired big time after a few drinks etc....

Next day he said ‘but she is beautiful I’m not going to lie’ 😳 we got over it but yes it’s shit like

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 01/02/2020 22:51

Yes, that would ... rankle.

But maybe you should reply:

'How drôle, darling. It was only last Tuesday that your friend told me - as I was lying next to him in bed - that I am much prettier than his wife.'

ironicname · 01/02/2020 22:52

What @Ninkanink said.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/02/2020 22:53

Tell him that's how she managed to get a much better-looking and sexier husband than you did.

Cheeky sod!

ShesGotBetteDavisEyes · 01/02/2020 22:58

but she is beautiful I’m not going to lie

That’s the whole point though - he should lie. It’s called being tactful. Or he could say “yes, sheilas good looking and all but you’re fucking gorgeous”. Its disrespectful to sit talking about how you think your ex or someone’s wife is “beautiful” or ”9/10”. Are These men just not very intelligent?

ElevenSmiles · 01/02/2020 23:00

So you have a list of things he's said and done to you but you choose to stay with him. More fool you OP.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 01/02/2020 23:02

Insult me once, shame on you.

Insult me twice, I will jam my biro so far up your nose . . .

OutwiththeOutCrowd · 01/02/2020 23:09

There are ways for a DP to be honest about this sort of thing....

'Yes, objectively speaking, she is very beautiful but she just doesn't have your sparkle.'

It's not difficult.

'

kingkuta · 01/02/2020 23:09

He sounds fucking horrible and I've no idea why you would stay with him.

Jux · 01/02/2020 23:10

I agree, the sort of men who rank women are generally not v bright, immature and punching above their weight (if they're not incels).

You deserve better; much better.

RightOnTheEdge · 01/02/2020 23:10

Urgh! He sounds like a teenager.
I get why you said you didn't ask him because you didn't ask him at first him and his mate started the thing.

You said you sent him home. That's great if you don't live with him. Easy to dump him then. Set your bar higher OP, you don't have to put up with this idiot.

FenellaVelour · 01/02/2020 23:12

Ugh, ugh, ranking is grim. Utterly adolescent. I couldn’t be with a man who did this.

I’ve also never known a woman do this.

I once wrote a “Top 10 Men” list in my diary, mind. I was thirteen years old.

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