Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He said his best friend’s wife was more attractive than me.

229 replies

WTAFFF · 01/02/2020 20:05

My DP said today that his best friend’s wife was better looking and more attractive than me. I didn’t ask him this question.

He can’t understand why I might find this a bit hurtful. AIBU?

OP posts:
Coyoacan · 02/02/2020 02:00

And of course, women never rank guys do they grin

I've never ranked men and if I loved someone they would have been a 10/10, whatever they looked like.

fastliving · 02/02/2020 02:23

Men that rank women out of 10 are rank.
Don't they know their penises get a little bit smaller every time they do that? They would if I ruled the world.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 02/02/2020 03:54

Dump the pig.
Seriously, he obviously has form for this and it will never get better.

Izzabellasasperella · 02/02/2020 04:06

Many years ago in a club a friend of my ex said to me and said 'you know you are really fucking ugly' I didn't want this guy to see he'd upset me so I went outside. Ex came out and I told him what his friend had said, all I wanted from him was for him to say something like 'you are beautiful to me' instead he said nothing making me feel like he agreed with his friend. Many years later I still remember it.
Your partner should make you feel like you are the most gorgeous person to them and you do the same to them.
My dh would never say what yours did op. It's hurtful and disrespectful and I can totally see why it upset you. It's not 'honest' it's just mean.

ladybirdsarelovely33 · 02/02/2020 14:52

What are your thoughts OP?

peanutbutterandbanana · 02/02/2020 17:22

Do you have kids? If not, get out right now. What a wanker.

AufderAutobahn · 02/02/2020 17:25

Anyone who rates other people out of 10 is a dickhead. Get rid.

Babynamechangerr · 02/02/2020 17:33

It sounds like he's more of a boyfriend than a partner If he lives separately from you,am assuming you also don't have kids.

Quite honestly I don't think your relationship can come back from this, you will honestly feel better having kicked this guy into touch.

Original poster
WTAFFF · 02/02/2020 17:41

Hi sorry I haven’t been back on.

I have told him we are over. I know this might be a stupid reason to end it but it’s the culmination of a long time and many hurtful events.

OP posts:
Frenchw1fe · 02/02/2020 17:44

I think you will be happy with your decision in the long run. A partner should make you feel cherished. I’m 60 plus and my dh thinks I’m the bees knees and I’m really not.

Bekstar · 02/02/2020 17:45

Do everything badly for a few days. Make his meal badly, burn it, make his coffee or tea wrong, deliberately iron creases the wrong way in his clothes. Wash his whites with something red. Then when he complains just smile sweetly and say "Oh I know it's shocking Your friend's wife would do it so much better wouldn't she" then watch him grovel.

SummerWhisper · 02/02/2020 17:57

@WTAFFF hope you are OK. Make it clear that you have ended it because he is a prick who doesn't respect you. Don't let him dictate the narrative about you being jealous of his friend's partner, in case that's the only way he can understand this. Tell him you want an adult, not an adolescent. Tell him he is boring. Flowers

EmeraldShamrock · 02/02/2020 18:07

He said ‘oh yes she’s a solid 9/10.’ He has previously ‘ranked’ me much lower. When I said to him ‘so you think Jane is more attractive than me’? He replied do I disagree and that she is much more attractive than me He didn't just come out with it. You did ask. Lots of women are more attractive than me if I asked DP he would probably answer honestly.
I wouldn't ask really though he doesn't rate women out loud. He admits Bhasha Mukherjee is a stunner a highly intelligent stunner. It doesn't make him love me less. Many man are more attractive than DP it is life if he asked I'd say it.
He's aware I think Thor is the sexiest man on the planet in my eyes.
Obviously there is other stuff in the ex relationship make you feel insecure.

saraclara · 02/02/2020 18:09

I wonder why he rated you in the past. Do you have a habit of asking questions you might not like the answer to?

Coyoacan · 02/02/2020 18:09

Oh congratulations, OP. A good partner should make you feel better about yourself, not worse.

I had a lovely boyfriend once who, knowing that I had not much confidence socially, used to tell me how much people missed me and wanted me to be there.

Many years later I had the opposite, one who used to make up nasty things people had supposedly said about me to make me feel shit. I know which category your ex-bf fell into.

saraclara · 02/02/2020 18:10

'rated' should be 'ranked'

Urkiddingright · 02/02/2020 18:11

Honestly I hate women being pitted against one another at the best of times but this is deeply hurtful and absolutely unnecessary. I would be reconsidering the relationship.

Newbie1999 · 02/02/2020 18:13

I’m guessing this is the straw that broke the camels back, rather than you ending it just because of this? Seems an over reaction if I’m honest. There are women I know who are more attractive than me, so I wouldn’t ask my husband what he thought because I probably wouldn’t like the honest answer, or would be annoyed if he blatantly lied - he wouldn’t win. He obvs shouldn’t have brought it up in front of you, but the reactions on here seem OTT (to me).

kingkuta · 02/02/2020 18:16

Well done OP You are well rid. You dont need a nasty piece of work like that draining your self esteem. Onwards and upwards!

EmeraldShamrock · 02/02/2020 18:19

It is the type of question to cause pain. You shouldn't ask unless you can cope with the answer.
It is similar to "does my bum look big in this" there's no safe answer without lying or being mean with honesty.

WellHolyGodMiley · 02/02/2020 18:20

Eugh.

He ranks women. They are not people, they are chattels that validate their owner.

Don't buy in to this crap by nervously asking for reassurance that he ranks you highly. Fuck that! You need somebody with a lot more maturity .

SugarMiceInTheRain · 02/02/2020 18:26

Well done. I'm sure your self esteem will improve being out of this relationship. The right person should make you feel like you're the most beautiful woman in the world, not compare you unfavourably to others. Congratulations on ridding yourself of this horrible specimen.

kingkuta · 02/02/2020 18:32

You shouldn't ask unless you can cope with the answer
She can cope with the answer and her answer is 'its over' and rightly so. If he thinks his mates girlfriend is so much more attractive than his own then he can fuck off and try his luck with her. Surely noone would stick with a man who fancies their mates GFs more than them. Youd have to be some mug to stay with someone like that

MsDogLady · 02/02/2020 18:35

You’ve made a very wise and empowering decision, OP. This was just the latest in a pattern of horrid behavior. Don’t let him worm his way back in.

converseandjeans · 02/02/2020 18:36

He sounds awful. Are you married? If not I would get rid!