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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to not of let this woman touch my baby

201 replies

flower1994 · 01/02/2020 18:26

had a really strange experience (in my opinion) happen in large supermarket earlier. was walking around with my 10 week old daughter in her pram when this older woman I would say in her 70s appeared out of nowhere and said rather consistently "you must do me a favour. you must let me touch the baby. you must let me touch her!" I was quite freaked out by this and backed off, turned my daughter away and said no. she asked rather aggressively "why not?" I said because I dont know you and she looked at me disgusted, stormed off whilst saying "the generation of today"

was I unreasonable to say no and be freaked out by this?

not sure if this is a generation thing or if people allow random strangers to touch their babies who are this young but I have to say I found it seriously odd!

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 01/02/2020 23:12

I shall leave you to your batshit crazy world of imaginary witches. Good luck. Sorry you feel this way.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 23:13

Finfintytint something seriously not okay about you. hey, you're not the woman are you!?

OP posts:
Bitchbadgerplease · 01/02/2020 23:15

You should have said 'No, I of to go now'.

( I think you were rude).

Blitzen2 · 01/02/2020 23:19

No she was being rude and in all honesty quite freaky.

Serin · 01/02/2020 23:21

Mouldmeabucket
Wait, What on earth?
Did you really read about someone snapping babies legs? Or is your post sarcastic?
If true, that is horrific.

HavelockVetinari · 01/02/2020 23:24

This is one if those threads where MN goes all twilight-zone! Confused Hmm

OP, in real life it is absolutely fine, normal and commendable to prevent an aggressive stranger from touching your newborn. Who the fuck wants a random person to touch their newborn child whose immune system is brand new and therefore a bit shit??

This is one of those "only on MN" threadsConfused

onetwothreeadventure · 01/02/2020 23:38

I am totally against random people touching my baby or even my two year old, YANBU.

We spent a few months in Asia and in some countries it was ridiculous with random people attempting to kiss and touch them, often without asking. I eventually got a mosquito cover for the stroller and felt like a genius! I just don't get why anyone is interested in a stranger's baby.

Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2020 23:38

No this is one of those only on MN in AIBU threads.
In Chat with a title of ‘This happened to me today what do you think?’ it would have been different. 🤷‍♀️

3court · 02/02/2020 00:05

The argument that comes up here often of "would you like to be touched without being asked" "they don't have a choice" is just beyond ridiculous and just needs to be stopped. Babies and children don't have any capacity to decide if they like something or not. This is determined by many factors. The implication is that the baby may inherently feel violated- NO. These feelings don't arrive without a lot of conditioning.
Children are supposed to be cherished and it is proven over and over again that this contact and unconditional positive regard is so so important for developing healthy attachments.
I despair for our children if we are bringing them
up with a baseline mistrust of strangers and that touch is bad.
If you want a child riddled with anxiety ...continue to follow your "instincts"
The benefits of touch outweigh the risks by a factor of many many many thousands.

Original poster
flower1994 · 02/02/2020 05:02

3court does the touch have to be done by a stranger though who approached me in the manner she did? like I said before I might of felt different had she had any kind of conversation with me before. otherwise it's a bit strange imo. also I certainly will be teaching my daughter to be wary of strangers to a certain degree. I actually think it would be irresponsible of me not to teach her that not everyone you meet is nice and trustworthy

OP posts:
AgentPrentiss · 02/02/2020 05:52

Why does anybody need to touch a baby? I don’t get it? It’s not having a cuddle is it? What could anyone possibly get out of stroking a baby’s face or giving their foot a squeeze?

There is literally no need and if you do this you’re a fucking weirdo.

AlexaAmbidextra · 02/02/2020 05:55

With all due respect, old people have diffrent standards.

Ffs! Ageist much?

ThePurpleMoose · 02/02/2020 06:20

Babies and children don't have any capacity to decide if they like something or not.

My 8 month old DD is in peak clingy phase and certainly makes it known that she doesn't like strangers touching her. She will smile at people if they approach gently and don't get up in her face, and might even reach out to touch them, but if it's not on her terms and somebody just goes straight for her then she gets upset. As I would, if some random person suddenly got right in my face and held my hand or touched my cheek Hmm

curiousierandcouriser · 02/02/2020 06:23

This happened (still does) to my DC a lot and I do find it a bit rude to insist. Its one thing to coo over a baby and have a chat. Its another to run up and demand to touch one, especially during flu season.

Don't get me started with people taking sneaky photos without asking.

No, YANBU OP.

TheSerenDipitY · 02/02/2020 06:53

these days its more of a case of not wanting the baby smothered in coronavirus ( or any of the flu's or animal flu's or random other catch able thing there is)
so no you were not being unreasonable, these days you do have to be a bit more careful with randoms insisting on touching baby

Oct18mummy · 02/02/2020 07:00

I had someone a bit like this want to touch my baby. I said loudly and firmly- do not touch my baby and I swerved the pram and continued walking.

GlummyMcGlummerson · 02/02/2020 07:07

Is anyone else always specifically about how these stories actually happened? The OPs always make out like it's some forceful madwoman trying to steal their little Messiah, but in reality it's probably a nice elderly woman who gets little contact with people, and has more experience with babies in her little toe than Precious has in her whole body, trying to say hello. And Precious over reacts, because PFB/ageism.

I used to like people wanting to see and touch my babies - even old ladies in their 70's would you believe

GlummyMcGlummerson · 02/02/2020 07:07

*sceptical not specifically 🤦🏼‍♀️

Original poster
flower1994 · 02/02/2020 07:44

glummy not sure how much of the thread you've read but seems this has happened fo a few people in a similar fashion of people being overly pushy with it. I mean it's fairly assumptions to say that because she was old she was necessarily nice
I dont personally think it's nice to approach someone in the manner she did but I'll take being called precious again everyone is entitled to their opinion and I suppose everyone has different comfort levels with this kind of thing. it made me feel very uncomfortable and would have done regardless of age - confused why that point keeps being made, I've already explained why I included her age

OP posts:
Original poster
flower1994 · 02/02/2020 08:00

assumptions*

OP posts:
happycamper11 · 02/02/2020 08:42

Re.the touching thing - what did you think she was going to do? In Europe babies and kids are revered

While this is absolutely true and something I was used to having had my DC 'in Europe', I did rethink my relaxed attitude (although the aggressive nature likely would have worried me previously) after DD2 caught whooping cough at 6 weeks old and spent the first year of her life incredibly ill as a result. It still affects her now at times and she's 7 next week... she's actually very lucky as Paed predicted her to be worse long term. Of course I can't know for sure that the lady who fussed her, got very close with her face and stroked her hands and face before walking off with a now very familiar sounding hacking cough in to her hands was the one who infected her but it's likely.

Herpes? Bollocks. Who told you that?

It's pretty common knowledge that herpes is very easily transmitted through both direct and indirect contact, and can affect babies with lower immune systems badly. Why would you think it was bollocks. Strange!

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 02/02/2020 09:01

Hi folks.

It's not really in the spirit to chime in, only to correct SPAG. Please stop now.

TheGoodPlaceEndingSucks · 02/02/2020 09:02

European here - in big cities we absolutely do not treat other people's babies as common property. Village parties where half the people play with them, sure, but we also know those people, there are not strangers.

Also, for fucks sake, the UK is in Europe.

As for the topic, I found turning people's crazy behaviour back on them worked a treat. Strangely, they didn't like randomly having their hands held or cheeks stroked. Funny. (That is when I didn't get a chance to intervene, as a last resort)

If someone sane, polite, and by all appearances with reasonable health/hygience standards approached DD, I was fine with it. I mean, even babies deserve a little bit of respect and as long as strangers treated her with that and DD seems happy, I really didn't mind.

TheGoodPlaceEndingSucks · 02/02/2020 09:02

*they not there...

IJustCantDeal · 02/02/2020 09:36

The leg snapping thing, although not sure how true this is www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.news.com.au/world/jealous-woman-snapped-babies-legs/news-story/ace7cc3bf46dcd3ff5e4dc4fd0378d4f
Yanbu I wouldn’t have let her touch my baby either, not due to ageism but purely due to not encouraging the spread of illnesses and the creepy way she came across

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