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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not of let this woman touch my baby

201 replies

flower1994 · 01/02/2020 18:26

had a really strange experience (in my opinion) happen in large supermarket earlier. was walking around with my 10 week old daughter in her pram when this older woman I would say in her 70s appeared out of nowhere and said rather consistently "you must do me a favour. you must let me touch the baby. you must let me touch her!" I was quite freaked out by this and backed off, turned my daughter away and said no. she asked rather aggressively "why not?" I said because I dont know you and she looked at me disgusted, stormed off whilst saying "the generation of today"

was I unreasonable to say no and be freaked out by this?

not sure if this is a generation thing or if people allow random strangers to touch their babies who are this young but I have to say I found it seriously odd!

OP posts:
avacadooo · 01/02/2020 22:25

I wish I was like you and said no but I'm always too scared.
Had a woman chuck a handful of 20p's into my baby's pram which I had to fish out and she absolutely stank.
Another when i had him in my carrier came up and started stroking his cheek when I was trying to get a sandwich in Tesco, her fingers were grotty and I felt like my personal space was invaded.
So you are not being unreasonable, I absolutely hate it when strangers touch him when I'm in public.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 22:34

avacadooo yeah I have decided based on this thread I don't think i was unreasonable, mostly because I dont think its okay to not actually ask which is what I think my issue is mostly - I really did not like the fact I was told I "must" and how angry she was that I said no, almost like she was entitled. I guess bottom line is shes my baby and it's up to me what I feel comfortable with. I was curious to see if others thought I was being over reactive by saying no as I dont know you and its good to know the large majority dont. now I can imagine I wasnt horrible to an old lady lol

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 01/02/2020 22:39

not sure if this is a generation thing or if people allow random strangers to touch their babies who are this young

I suppose I was more surprised that you don't know any "older ladies" to ask if it's normal.

Personally, I don't think it is usual in women who may be around 70 and I was also trying to explain that I doubt getting older will make me any keener on other people's infants.

A lot of people like babies and will smile at them or say something nice, but if this is the first incident like this in two and a half months, it's obviously not a normal "generation" thing and probably won't happen again.

draughtycatflap · 01/02/2020 22:40

I feel your pain OP. I suggest taking a bag of fruitcake with you when you go shopping. If an old crone approaches you with her claws out just scatter some crumbs and make your escape.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 22:41

draughtycatflap such a weird response

OP posts:
Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 22:42

trolls are idiots - I'm not sure where I've stated that her age was the issue. nevermind.

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 01/02/2020 22:44

No, totally applicable.given your histeria. I’d add dancing round the maypole a few times too.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 22:46

I'm not sure I've been hysterical either - I said no when someone insisted I must let them hold my baby and asked essentially if this was an over reaction :/ this happens on literally every thread I see on AIBU. always get the trolls come crawling out trying to goad people (yawn)

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 01/02/2020 22:46

I'm not sure where I've stated that her age was the issue. nevermind.

In your OP you wondered if it was a "generation" thing and mentioned she was about 70. Also, she apparently said "the generation of today".

Posters you call "trolls" you say are "idiots".
Posters who can't remember their OP aren't the brightest, either.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 22:49

but did I say that was the issue? I mentioned her age as part of was I being unreasonable to assume this woman meant any harm and was it perhaps a generation thing I'd missed. if she was younger I would of reacted EXACTLY the same. the fact she was a random stranger and the way she approached me was the issue. please read what I wrote properly and not attempt to make what I said an ageist thing. I mentioned her age as in this case I thought it was possibly relevant due to her reaction and that maybe this was something that never used to be a big deal...please stop trying to start something it's so so unnecessary and boring

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2020 22:51

If the age wasn't an issue then why mention it?

Finfintytint · 01/02/2020 22:52

Yeah right .

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 22:52

I've literally just explained why I mentioned her age

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 01/02/2020 22:52

Cross post. But I can see why people would think it was ageist.

Finfintytint · 01/02/2020 22:53

Yeah right, still yeah right.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 22:55

I honestly cant, even slightly as I clearly stated in OP is this a generation thing, as in to say was I unreasonable because this is something that wasnt an issue back then. I didnt slate her either for her being 70 nor say it was a bad thing. I used it to describe the person as it gave background and, if anything, this person the benefit of the doubt as to was I being unreasonable

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 01/02/2020 22:56

Ok OP.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 22:56

completely off topic now anyway, so I'll assume my thread wont be getting any sensible answers anymore and will just be getting people trying to have a crazy debate over something that wasnt my question at all

OP posts:
Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 22:57

Finfintytint sorry, did you want me to give you some attention? Confused

OP posts:
Maya31 · 01/02/2020 22:58

I quite abruptly stopped a woman from touching my baby’s cheek. I felt bad for having to do it so suddenly but she hadn’t asked permission, had just gone for it. We were in a cafe and my baby is allergic to peanuts so I cannot let just anyone touch her.

I know it wouldn’t have occurred to her, and I love when people chat to me about my baby. Just please don’t touch.

LaMarschallin · 01/02/2020 22:58

it's so so unnecessary and boring

No need to reply then. I suspect you're easily bored.

You asked if it was a "generation" thing.
Imo, it's not. It's not usual for a random stranger of any age to do this.

I can't think that if you'd been told it was quite normal, you'd have let anybody touch your baby who wanted to do so, especially if they were demanding about it, as long as they were over 40 or something because it was a normal thing for generations older than you.

I'm bored myself now.

In language you'll understand: your baby, your rules.

There. I expect you'll be happy now.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 23:03

Maya31 I completely agree with the look dont touch, I just wasnt sure if I'd been over reactive, especially due to this woman's offensive reaction to me saying no

OP posts:
Finfintytint · 01/02/2020 23:06

No attention required except from you. Bit weird . Especially your post.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 23:07

Finfintytint what on earth are you talking about? are you okay? Confused

OP posts:
NoddyMcPintsAlot · 01/02/2020 23:10

Finfintytint
Herpes? Bollocks. Who told you that?

www.nhs.uk/conditions/neonatal-herpes/

A new born died in a Ireland from herpes passed to them from a kiss from a relative.