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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to not of let this woman touch my baby

201 replies

flower1994 · 01/02/2020 18:26

had a really strange experience (in my opinion) happen in large supermarket earlier. was walking around with my 10 week old daughter in her pram when this older woman I would say in her 70s appeared out of nowhere and said rather consistently "you must do me a favour. you must let me touch the baby. you must let me touch her!" I was quite freaked out by this and backed off, turned my daughter away and said no. she asked rather aggressively "why not?" I said because I dont know you and she looked at me disgusted, stormed off whilst saying "the generation of today"

was I unreasonable to say no and be freaked out by this?

not sure if this is a generation thing or if people allow random strangers to touch their babies who are this young but I have to say I found it seriously odd!

OP posts:
Honeybee85 · 01/02/2020 19:50

YANBU at all.
To the pp who said YABU: appearently body autonomy is not allowed to have in some situations? How would you feel if some stranger demanded to touch you and people would say you’re rude for saying no?

Op, I have a baby too that gets quite often touched by strangers without asking first (Asian country, different culture) and though I am not s huge fan of it, I allow it since my DS loves it and it makes older people very happy.
But if someone came up to me and approached me like that, I would feel very defensive as well.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 19:52

I'm glad to see it was a normal reaction (going by the majority of responses) and that I hadnt overreacted - the whole situation really didn't sit right with me!

OP posts:
Mouldmeabucket · 01/02/2020 19:53

Yanbu. Ever since I read about the woman who would ask to hold peoples babies and then quietly snap their legs, the thought of letting anyone I don’t know touch my baby makes me shudder. Not everyone is nice and trustworthy out there.

Honeybee85 · 01/02/2020 19:54

Trust your maternal instinct OP.
It’s a freebie given at the birth but priceless in it’s ability to protect your little one.

Bunnyfuller · 01/02/2020 19:58

Grammar police whoop whoop

It’s would have’ ‘should have’

Should’v/could’ve are the contraction.

Re.the touching thing - what did you think she was going to do? In Europe babies and kids are revered and a few years ago in uk extended family used to help with babies.

YABU. With both.

Aneley · 01/02/2020 20:00

YANBU. I would do exactly the same as you and said no. Where I come from it is considered to be a major faux pas to touch unknown children, or even ask for permission to do that from the parent. Acceptable is only to express admiration for the little one verbally to the parent and wish them all the best. Even acquaintances would only ask to touch your baby's foot - to touch baby's hand or face is a big no-no. I like this and have always followed the same rule when it came to babies I see.

LizzieVereker · 01/02/2020 20:01

WheresMyChocolate that’s adorable.

I think this woman’s demanding nature made her request seem creepy, and of course it’s your prerogative to say yes or no to someone touching your child.

However I don’t understand the general resistance to letting people have a tiny squeeze of a baby’s hand or stroke their cheek. I really can’t recall an instance where this has ended in infection/disaster. And abduction/ leg snapping - really? Hmm

ActualHornist · 01/02/2020 20:06

First post is spot on:

Most of mumsnet will say you have to book an appointment to have any contact with a baby but I couldn’t give a fuck seriously

She worded it weirdly to be sure but that also wouldn’t bother me.

Trust your maternal instinct OP.
It’s a freebie given at the birth but priceless in it’s ability to protect your little one

OMG Grin get a grip! She asked to touch a baby not grab it and run away!

Hoik · 01/02/2020 20:15

You did the right thing, OP, she was probably a witch trying to steal your baby and lock her in a tower or something. Did she try to teach your baby a magic song that would make the old lady younger? That's a dead give away.

Really though, get a grip. You're over-dramatising a nothing situation. A lot of people love babies and, in my experience, plenty of older folk often enjoy a little cuddle. She asked, you told her no, done and dusted. Theres really no need to feel freaked out several hours later.

lowlandLucky · 01/02/2020 20:21

I walked down our local High street with my newborn in her Silver cross pram a week before Christmas 30+ years ago, by the time i got home dozens of strangers had keeked in the pram, touched her face, gave her a blessing and left money beside her, she didnt die, she didnt become ill, It is what communities used to do before everyone became scared of each other

SuperFurryDoggy · 01/02/2020 20:27

I read about the woman who would ask to hold peoples babies and then quietly snap their legs

I haven’t heard this before, it is definitely real? (Sorry, no way of saying that without sounding rude)

HumansAreConsumable · 01/02/2020 20:29

Who gives a shit about would have should have. Hardly the point of the OP.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 20:31

I think the reason I see it the way I do is I wouldn't appreciate someone doing it to me and my baby doesnt have that choice. also, although some have put it in a rather mocking way "what did you think she was going to do" and "oh she might of been a witch" I dont think I'd ever forgive myself if, on the off chance, said person did have something (illness wise) and my baby caught it or if they were an unsavoury person no matter how unlikely that may (or may not in my area lol) be I would never forgive myself :( the way she approached me aswell I think kind of set the tone for my response. I didnt rudely say no I just said no as I dont know you, I appreciate if she is used to being allowed to normally this may have seemed off to her hence her angry reaction and to others who are less worried that it maybe an over reaction but after reading these response I'm reassured its best to er on the side of caution

OP posts:
DaysLikeThis1 · 01/02/2020 20:32

‘I was taken aback as to whether or not this was just a generation thing’

How many other elderly strangers have tried to touch your baby OP? One person doing something does not a ‘generation thing’ make.
If I believed half the things I read on here that my peers get up to I would despair! Luckily I don’t Grin

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 20:36

no I just mean wasnt sure if back in the day this was an acceptable/done thing as she seemed really quite affronted that I had said no - almost as if it was my reaction that was strange not her insistence that I should let her touch my baby

OP posts:
missmouse101 · 01/02/2020 20:38

@HumansAreConsumable, many people give a shit. It's important.

0blio · 01/02/2020 20:41

Well said @pigsDOfly, I'm older than most on here - I don't really like other people's babies and certainly don't want to touch strange children.

RedWine123 · 01/02/2020 20:42

Don’t blame yourself for acting by instinct. It’s your baby and you decide who gets to touch her.

It sounds a bit OTT given that it was an old lady but I understand that with a new baby it’s normal to be like this.

MRex · 01/02/2020 20:44

People who are years away from the newborn stage forget that they haven't had their vaccines and that babies are really vulnerable, particularly in winter. I remember my long-dead Nana not letting a woman touch my baby sister, I think it's just that those who haven't been near the very newborn stage remember their own behaviour with older babies not little ones.

TheGirlWithAPrince · 01/02/2020 20:49

you dont know where people have been , YANBU .. she could have been a really dirty person.... you dont know!! she could have been ill without realising it, you cant risk it with your child being so young

user32564567 · 01/02/2020 20:49

Everyone knows old people are covered in germs. Not like those young clean people.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 20:54

user32564567 honestly it doesnt matter the age, I mentioned it in this case as wasnt sure if it was relevant - as PP have mentioned back when they had young children this was a common thing and I wasnt sure if that's why she was so offended by me saying no. I would of been unnerved if she was a young woman/man too

OP posts:
Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 20:55

please dont make it an ageist thing, her sex and age was quite clearly not my overall problem, it was the random stranger part insisting I let them touch my baby

OP posts:
Longtalljosie · 01/02/2020 20:56

That’s very strangely worded. Your DD doesn’t have red hair does she, and the older lady Chinese/ Korean /Japanese? Because my DD has and we’ve had some weird shit there, I can tell you...

user32564567 · 01/02/2020 20:59

Old dirty people touching babies always gets MN frothing.

A nice young clean person, not so much.