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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to not of let this woman touch my baby

201 replies

flower1994 · 01/02/2020 18:26

had a really strange experience (in my opinion) happen in large supermarket earlier. was walking around with my 10 week old daughter in her pram when this older woman I would say in her 70s appeared out of nowhere and said rather consistently "you must do me a favour. you must let me touch the baby. you must let me touch her!" I was quite freaked out by this and backed off, turned my daughter away and said no. she asked rather aggressively "why not?" I said because I dont know you and she looked at me disgusted, stormed off whilst saying "the generation of today"

was I unreasonable to say no and be freaked out by this?

not sure if this is a generation thing or if people allow random strangers to touch their babies who are this young but I have to say I found it seriously odd!

OP posts:
DarklyDreamingDexter · 01/02/2020 19:15

I think your reaction is completely natural. As you said, if she’d struck up a friendly conversation first and coo-ed over the baby a bit, as old ladies sometimes do, it wouldn’t have seemed totally out of the ordinary to want to touch her tiny hand or something. But the way she approached you is just plain odd and your instincts were correct.

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 01/02/2020 19:15

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hobnobsaremyfavourite · 01/02/2020 19:16

And I really must have been doing something wrong
Four kids and over a decade of babies and toddlers in proms and not one mad person insisted on stroking them
And none of my mates have described anything similar
Hmm

mintich · 01/02/2020 19:18

YANBU There was an attempted kidnapping of a baby in this area that started with an old woman demanding to touch a baby in a restaurant. So trust your instincts

BennytheBall · 01/02/2020 19:19

Not unreasonable, apart from the 'of'.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 01/02/2020 19:19

Depends whether she gave off 'sweet wee biddy whose adored GC live miles away (and she has to make an appointment with DDIL to see them at least 12 months in advance)' vibes or local unhinged baglady vibes. To be blunt.

maddiemookins16mum · 01/02/2020 19:19

I’m usually ok with this, but she seemed overly odd. Whereas someone stopping to chat, touch DD’s hands, or a quick gentle stroke of her head was no problem to me. I flippin loved showing her off and strangers cooing over her. It rarely lasts beyond the small baby stage.

Member984815 · 01/02/2020 19:20

No I wouldn't let her either

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 19:22

hobnobsaremyfave I assure you now this happened - hence my am I being unreasonable question as I was taken aback as to whether or not this was just a generation thing. I'm not wrong in thinking it was weird then as you find it so odd you think I've made it up lol

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 01/02/2020 19:24

Lots of people do seem to like interacting with babies and in general I’m with Monkeynuts in that it’s probably pretty good for them to interact with lots of people. Not to mention that it creates stronger social bonds when we aren’t all separating ourselves off in little islands.

But A) running up to a new mother insisting aggressively on anything is pretty inconsiderate unless it’s an emergency. New mothers are often a bit shell shocked and lacking sleep, it’s not at all surprising that they would instinctively be protective of their baby when something surprises them.

And b) Just because it’s often a good thing doesn’t mean it’s always a good thing. I had quite a few people want to touch or play with my babies when they were crying when we were out. It was, I’m sure, always a well intentioned desire to help distract them and make them feel better. But I knew my babies and knew they were tired and needed leaving alone not stimulating. So in those situations I would refuse the offer. Also, sometimes, because I was in a rush or because the person asking was smoking or something. There’s nothing wrong with turning something down that doesn’t work for you.

SamanthaJayne4 · 01/02/2020 19:25

I think you were right to avoid her OP. I'm not far off 70 and have no wish to touch, stroke or kiss random babies. Very intrusive.

SuperFurryDoggy · 01/02/2020 19:25

Well I used to hand my babies around like pass the parcels, but the way the situation is described would have made me feel uncomfortable and I would probably have politely declined.

Oh, and this comment (below) made me chuckle Grin

I'm in my 70s, well very early 70s and I can assure you that no, not all 'old ladies' love other people's babies. I’m not interested, don't even notice them and certainly wouldn't want to touch one.

meandmylot · 01/02/2020 19:26

A lot of grannies come up to my baby and children, usually they're very sweet and I let them have a good look and touch but this woman just sounded odd and I wouldn't of let her either.

MilkTrayLimeBarrel · 01/02/2020 19:26

Not all 'older' ladies love babies. I hate them.

Rdic92 · 01/02/2020 19:28

This happened to me when my daughter was a few months old. We were waiting for a bus to a friends house and a lady got off and put her arms up and said oh you have to let me hold him. I said no sorry SHE doesn’t like strangers. She started pulling at my arms saying oh I won’t be a stranger. Luckily the man behind me caught on and told me to hurry up into the bus then sat next to me until we had left to make sure she didn’t get on. Never been so scared in my life.

Cherrysoup · 01/02/2020 19:28

Your baby is not public property. Someone else mentioned a random error shoving a finger in their baby’s mouth, no bloody thanks! I’m even precious about who touches my dogs, one of whom is nervous and I refuse to keep strangers happy when he doesn’t want to be touched.

Original poster
flower1994 · 01/02/2020 19:28

mintich that's terrifying - glad I went with my initial gut reaction

OP posts:
VenusTiger · 01/02/2020 19:29

It's have OP, not 'of'

carly2803 · 01/02/2020 19:33

she was batshit,dont blame you at all!

no-one touched my babies, but I have a face like a pitbull though if anyone touched them (or tried to!).

Lou573 · 01/02/2020 19:33

Oh my god, I hate this. I have a tiny ex prem baby, still the size of a newborn and everyone seems to try and touch her. I wouldn’t dream of just going up and stroking someone else’s baby! Someone in the GP surgery yesterday stroked her face and grabbed her hands while I was trying to get her back in the sling - presumably she had opened the door tens of other people had already touched in flu season and my baby sticks her hands straight in her mouth. Absolutely hate the baby grabbers, it’s hard enough getting a teeny baby through cold and flu season as it is.

Juliehooligan · 01/02/2020 19:38

Yanbu, she could have had a cold or cold sores, which can be deadly for babies.

firstimemamma · 01/02/2020 19:40

An old man tickled my son's toes in the supermarket once. Can't remember age of ds but he was a bit younger than one. Before I had the chance to say anything he looked at me and said "I'm glad you let me do that. Most women these days don't, it's political correctness gone mad isn't it?!" Then he walked off laughing to himself, I just found the whole thing weird!

Political correctness?!

Tink2007 · 01/02/2020 19:41

Why on earth has the OP been deemed as “precious and rude” for not letting some random woman touch her child?

I find the whole thing bizarre - I see many lovely babies but I don’t ask their parents if I can touch them. It’s odd.

Daftodil · 01/02/2020 19:43

It's a weird thing to say to a stranger. Whatever happened to "Oh, what a cutie" and a little foot squeeze?

XingMing · 01/02/2020 19:48

I haven't read the full thread, but is it not possible that the elderly lady has a touch of dementia? DMIL's has suddenly raced ahead, and while she is now housebound and largely immobile, and is therefore not your toucher, she is again very impulsive, like a toddler, and I can see how the urge to have contact with a small child could just hit. But no, you are NBU to decline contact; if you could do it kindly, it would be nice.