to be heartbroken

[MonnaLIza]

It's a beautiful, sunny day. I am healthy. I have a new job, which I love. I also love my DH and kids and I am loved by them. We own a good home, a 'machine for living in', with room for everyone, and we can afford food and occasional treats such as days out and holidays. We bake bread, make muffins (which sometimes turn out to be edible) and go support our local football team. We are all reasonably educated and articulate, fully tax solvent and in socially meaningful professions (that's me and DH, our kids are in education).

And yet, there is a definitely low mood in the house today, and this is not just because I am recovering from clinical depression. Today, even if nothing seems different, is the first day of my life as an 'outsider'. I am no longer a EU citizen in my own country but officially an 'other'. An immigrant.

I am now somebody who needs to prove their right to be here, in their own home. Another layer of bureaucracy, more practical struggles. But it's the change in my 'status' that breaks my heart. I am no longer part of this country which I have made my home for the last twenty years.

Yes, I have 'settled status', an invisible document, which I have obtained in a much less easy way that the government would like you to think (for instance I could not use my iPhone to register as it only worked on android phones). An invisible document which proclaims to be valid until it's valid. No doubt in the future there will be more hoops to jumps, more papers to fill and i just hope these hoops and jumps will come when I am fit, young and tech-savy enough to be able to jump them.

I will, of course, snap out of this, but at the moment I am, I think not unreasonably, heartbroken.

And my biggest heartbreak is not for me - Katie Hopkins compared immigrants to cockroaches for our resilience and, ultimately, I am resilient. When I realised the industry I was in was getting destroyed by Brexit and austerity I got another job. I have qualifications and skills. I will survive in my immigrant-coackrochy ways.

No, my biggest heartbreak is for Britain itself, for the people who have been interviewed on TV who are celebrating Brexit without being able to articulate one single benefit of it to their life. I have lived in this country long enough to have seen another Britain, a multicultural, vibrant, accepting country, where having an accent and coming from somewhere else was considered an exciting, interesting thing. I can still see that in some enlightened places, which are increasingly engulfed by the darkness of 'patriotism'.

I guess I am heartbroken because I had not only imagined a brighter future, I had seen how great things can be, and now the lights are going off.

We are discussing moving to Scotland or Ireland. It would be easy for me and my DH but harder on their kids. They are born in England, they are English. What to do - stay and resists? Move?

I do not know yet. I will know soon, we will talk and make plans.

But today I am heartbroken.

Please don't move to Ireland. We have a housing crisis as it is. We cannot house anymore British refugees

What’s dark about patriotism?

I am just offering a handhold, because words are empty at present. Allow yourself to feel all you do, it's ok.

I am 100% anti Brexit OP and this is exactly the reason why.

I do not agree with people that live here and are actually citizens, no matter where they came from originally, what they do as a job or how long they have been here (be it 1 year or 30 years) having to 'ask' to stay here. Like their contributions over this time haven't earnt them the right to be here without having to ask! The fact that they have spent money in this economy and boosted it, filled jobs, have kids that have a bloody English, Welsh, Scottish or Irish accent for christ sake!

Why do people already settled here need to do anything or be classified as anything? Surely it should only be once the gates close and Brexit actually happens that anyone wanting to come to the UK should have to do this? Anyone already here came while the gates were open, while we had open borders, free movement etc so why on earth do they need to anything now?! It's a mystery to me to be honest.

Just let these people celebrate. They seem to be forgetting that pre EU, we got 2 weeks holidays a year, worked 12 hour days, got just 6 weeks maternity leave etc. We had mass unemployment issues due to people thinking jobs were beneath them and benefits held a better option. Women were seen and not really heard in the working class department at least. No one ever saw the world really unless they had money as it was too expensive to even go to Spain on holiday for example. Let them reminisce in these 'good old days'. They must suffer from a selective memory and only remember the very little good times!

Bit fucking harsh elizabethdraper

Where are you originally from OP? Could you all move there?

We moved back to Aus 12 months ago from London. Dh is Irish and I'm really worried for Ireland and the fall out for them, but I'm glad to be out of the shit storm.

As far as I'm concerned, you are welcome and that, after 20 years, you have 'earned' (for want or a better word) your right to belong. You are an asset, not a drain on our society.
I know it's simplistic but maybe you are here because we want you here rather than just because it's your right - it's now a privilege rather right.

Nothing wrong with being patriotic. Different to a dislike of immigrants which is uncalled for.

Why Scotland or Ireland? Where did you come from in the first place? Would you not consider going there? I’m not telling you to ‘go back home’ by the way - it’s a genuine question. Your child are half whatever, you are still wholly whatever as you haven’t taken citizenship. Why would you not consider your country of origin if England no longer feels welcoming enough?

I undderstand OP.
My dh is European. he has had to jump many hoops to get his settled status, and it wasn't easy.
He is now pursuing the next step as he has no confidence that the settled status will be honoured.

I feel sad for Britain. I do not and never have thought this was a good this. Little Britain at its worst today.

Of course, in 5 years time, the country will be fine, because that is the way life works, we will all get on and make the best of a bad job and everyone will say - look it worked.
But it won't be the same. The attitude in this country has changed and it breaks my heart.

I heard soemone setting off firworks last night at 11pm. It made me want to cry.

I know we had to do it, we had to honour the referendum, I voted in the election for Brexit, because I recognised that wehad to proceed. But I am sad today too.

The people of Scotland welcome you, we need more people. The weather's a bit rubbish but the people are pure gold.

I’m not sure what moving to Scotland will solve - it’s still part of the UK and no longer part of the EU. I don’t believe another vote for independence will be forthcoming and even if the result was YES, there is little chance of becoming part of the EU (if the EU still happens to exist at that time).

Just because the UK is no longer part of the EU doesn’t change what you like about the UK overnight (assuming you like it after 20 years here). Factually, yesterday you were not EU citizen in your own country - you were a citizen of your EU country living in another EU country. Today you are a citizen of your EU country living in the UK, no longer part of the EU. Nothing has really changed (yet) though and the sky didn’t fall in. We live in Australia now, but that doesn’t mean I’m Australian unless I take up citizenship. I am and will always be a British subject.

Not everyone who voted for Brexit is racist or against immigration or multiculturalism, just as not everyone who voted Remain is for these things. Just because some people are more vocal in voicing their appalling thoughts, doesn’t mean everyone who voted Leave feels the same.

In Australia we are unaffected by Brexit (although we are back twice a year), however I am happy it has occurred and am watching (along with the rest of the UK) to see what happens in the next year or two.

Obviously sorry you feel this way OP- Katie Hopkins is abhorrent, vile woman desperate for headlines. Pls ignore her - I do!
I personally see nothing wrong with patriotism, I for one consider myself British, part of Europe not European. I am proud to live in a country that has offered a relatively easy, free settled status to people who have made their home here. There is no point creating an imaginary more hostile future that isn’t reality.

@OnlyFoolsnMothers have you gone through the process? It isn't easy, it takes a long time, lots of hoop jumping and at the beginning they were charging for it.

They have changed the goalposts and left EU citizens with months of waiting not knowing what was going to happen. Those citizens came here under free movement and should be able to stay as such without reams of paperwork.

I think you're being a bit dramatic. Nothing has really changed for you and life goes on. Yes it's a bit different with extra hassle/paperwork (I'm also from another country) but that's the case in loads of places round the world.
The world didn't end and everything is much the same.
You're life sounds a damn sight better than the majority of people in the world.

YANBU OP. Brexit has caused divisions that will take generations to heal, if they ever do. I detest the 'Little Englander' mentality and the fact this whole stupid mess has made people like you feel unwelcome in a country you've made your home.

This does seem a slightly bizarre attitude.
But I guess a lot of Europeans here do feel like that. But it’s not really about you. So you shouldn’t take it too personally.

Also you could move from Germany to Italy, and you are still an immigrant? It’s just you have open borders.
I don’t know any people from other European countries who see themselves as European over being say Italian or German.

Anyway. Plenty of people are immigrants in different countries. Do you think they NEVER feel like they are wanted. Or they suffer serious depression because they are here, but they couldn’t just easily move here over an open border so they feel unwanted.

It’s all a bit over dramatic. And until I see the day where they are shipping out all EU members on boats out of Dover then I think everyone needs to calm the fuck down.

FYI I voted remain.

Thank you all for the support/handheld/company/understanding.

The reasons why I would not 'go back' to Northern Italy are many. In no particular order:

1. My job is very English-language based. It is difficult to transfer. Paradoxically I would do very well in the US, better than in Italy.

1. My kids are British.

3.My other half is British and also doing a British-based job which does not export well (think GB based legal).

1. I am of part-Jewish family and a super Jewish name. Italy is not a good place to be Jewish at the moment.

1. I like the world. like to live in the world. Different countries, different places. So far I have lived in Italy, Switzerland, Holland and even a short stint in the US.

Imagine how being an immigrant was for the non-white “immigrants” of Britain’s ex-colonies. Imagine the welcome (ha), the adjustment to food, culture, language, climate - imagine the in-your-face racism from people with less to offer the nation than you with, who screamed at you that they owned your country after robbing it from you, and that you should go back to it. You would have come here in a promise of prosperity following political deals struck between HM’s govt and whatever puppet leaders it allowed to be installed on its way out. Your home country, having been pillaged and drained for Britain’s coffers, offered less to your children than the promises given before you left.

Save your heartbreak. Nothing significant is happening to you. You will be fine. What you’re bemoaning is the loss of an advantage that many millions before you, and many many millions around the world could only dream of. Fill in your paperwork, stand in your queues, shake off your malaise and save your emotional energy for people who really need it. Get a grip.

@Thubten - thank you! My oh is Scottish/Irish, that's why we were considering these two countries.

The worst of the ScotsinOz

Why don't you head home now if you're happy about Brexit eh?

This made for a sad read OP. I feel really low today too. I’m British (Scottish) but with some English and European heritage thrown in the mix, and have spent time living abroad. I’ve always identified as European, and the EU was a significant presence in my line of work. It feels like a personal loss, and I’m desperately sad that my children’s opportunities for study and work may be limited in a way that mine weren’t.

Scotland... we’re in the same boat as everyone else, but I think the general mood here is of resilience and significant pro-European sentiment. I love the symbolism of our parliament continuing to fly the EU flag. Time will tell what evolves from all of this, but there’s a glimmer of hope that I’m not sure I’d feel if I lived south of the border.

OP you are absolutely not being unreasonable in any way. The last few years have been filled with repeated "nudges" towards isolation all under the badge of patriotism. It's not. It's racism. I am sorry, not surprised but certainly sorry, that you have been made to feel like this. I can tell you that there are many of us who voted and have since campaigned to stay. We value the contributions everyone makes to our society regardless of where you were born, your "status" and anything else. My heart breaks every time I hear the American phraseology of "illegal aliens," and I can't help but wonder how long before that is adopted here. There are no words I can say to you that change what is happening right now, but I can assure you that you are wanted, valued and appreciated.

Thubten I don't think I'm the only remainer seriously considering a move to Scotland. Really hoping Scotland can push through the Indyref and get back into the EU.

A move to another European country wouldn't be viable for me because my professional qualifications are no use outside the UK.

When I lived and worked in another EU country. When the UK was part of EU.

I had to jump through paperwork to get residency, a NI number equivalent to work. £sss spent on translating documents and hours won't in queues. All this to access free healthcare and child benefit etc as well as a permit to work and in return contribute to the county.

I voted remain.

But I don't see that what the UK is doing re paperwork is any different to what other EU countries have been doing for years. It's just for some reason it has appeared frowned upon if the UK wanted to do it.