To leave 16 and 13 year old alone overnight

[Scampitramp]

School years 11 & 9. 13 year old nearly 14.

We've been invited to a party a couple of hours away so will stay overnight. Would leave mid afternoon Saturday & return around lunchtime Sunday. Used to being left while we go out locally, sometimes until early hours. Fairly sensible - can be trusted not to have friends over/parties/not to set fire to the house.

Seeing it as first foray into further independence.

Yay or nay??

This thread is classic MN for over anxious parenting. It makes me so very sad to read and I read it all the time on MN.

Most 13 year olds have been walking/bus/train alone to school for years. Have a phone and a key to their house. can iron a shirt and cook spag Bol.
(They do cooking at school at least).

Most 13 year olds should know what to do if the worst came to the worst.

This over parenting isn't going to change this generation, I doubt.

Of course it will be fine. That NSPCC advice is ridiculous. I know loads of people who left home and live on their own at 16 ffs!

Most 16 year olds around here go off with friends for a first parent free holiday after GCSEs, either a festival or abroad, so I’m sure a 16 year old could look after a sibling overnight!

Couldn’t agree more @Oblomov20 and it makes me wonder what poor incapable people my DD with be surrounded by as she grows up!

I left my 18 year old for the weekend a few months ago, agreed she could have 6 friends round on the Saturday night ... all fine when we got back as it should be at her age obv .... but I still believe she had far more people round ... in the recycling there were 8 bottles of wine, 2 champagne, 2 litres of vodka, and several of those pre mix GnT cans. Seems a lot of booze for 7 people

We were these ages and left alone all the time. I was more sensible than any babysitter and I knew where all the first aid kit was, I was a first aider at guides, I could cook as well as my mum etc

As long as you're sure they're not going to have a party!

I have a 15yo and 13yo and have left them overnight occasionally. We live rurally but they have phones and could contact us or other help. They are both sensible and confident though so that helps.

OMG! It's fine!

I think it's fine OP - it just depends on the children and you know them best, so if you're comfortable with it, and think they'd cope well, then I don't see a problem.

My sister and I were left alone overnight 5 nights a week for 18 months from the ages of 14.5 (me) and 12.5 (DSis) because our DM was ill in hospital and our Dad worked nights. This was the mid-90's, so before mobiles but we had Dad's work number and never had any problems. He'd leave for work about 9:30pm and would be home around 7am, so we'd usually be in our rooms reading then go to sleep and wouldn't wake up till he got home.

Our DD's are 11 & 12 and although they're both very sensible, the eldest suffers from anxiety which is at it's worst in the dark/evening, so I can't see her being comfortable being left overnight if she's still experiencing this, even at 16. However, they are comfortable with being home alone together for an hour or two every now and then - as long as it's during the day. Like I said, it really does depend on the child.

There are some very silly ladies on here.

Op here!

Absolutely no chance of a party here! 16 year old is Mr Sensible and I think I have more chance of setting fire to the house than he has (I am not joking - he has been known to tell me off for leaving things plugged in etc )

When we've gone out we've always come home to them safely tucked up in bed, everything off, house locked up. They generally spend the evening on their phones, watching TV etc - we call to check on them and they can call us.There are also several neighbours they know they can call upon if necessary. I am not ashamed (as has been suggested I should be) of leaving the 13 year old late at night with her older brother and will continue to do so. For more than 2 years, she has been travelling by herself for 40 minutes each way to high school - far more risk in that I'd imagine!

I asked the question as it's the first time we've actually left them all night so a little nervous and wondered what others did. However, I can now see that in our circumstances it's absolutely fine and the next natural step!

My DD is joining the Navy at 16

...whether she wants to or not!

Now why didn't I think of that?

I have just come back to this thread after last night, and am genuinely astounded that so many parents are so anxious about their teenagers that they would see this as an issue.

It’s pretty concerning tbh. We are rad missing a generation who have no idea how to fend for themselves.

Too young imho. We have left 17 & 15.5 overnight and will do again v soon.
It was ok last time but the younger one decided to have his mates round which pissed off the 17 year old who was revising for mocks. This time it’ll be two full days really so a proper test.
I would prob get them to stay at friends’

You know your teens will be OK, op.

Mine hate each other at the moment and would probably beat each other up. It would be survival of the fittest. Think Home Alone, but instead of a 10 year old and 2 burglars, two angry teens.

They are children. Don't leave them like that

@belay a16 year old can get married, is that a child?

its a tough call for any one else as everyones kids are different as are their parenting ideas. if your children (young adults really) are responsible and that the older can cope if anything , god forbid, would happen then go for it. You trust them , as you have done so before, so no reason now not to. You can always call them on mobiles at a given point in the evening to speak to them both and check in. Maybe tell a good neighbour you are away and let them pop in for 5 minutes. Have fun

What makes me laugh the most about the mollycoddling crew is the fact they seem to genuinely believe it's better parenting.

If anyone said they were deliberately preventing/ delaying their dc's development in other areas there would be outrage, but anything to do with any form of independence and some people strangely seem to think being too lazy to bother teaching them is great parenting.

@trainspotting BEST post on the whole thread.

Could not agree more.

Who gets married at 16 now? Trust your own instincts and talk to your DC.

I’ve been thinking again about this thread tonight. Ds(17) works part time as a youth worker. Recently he’s been on training courses that involved travelling across the UK, and staying overnight in hotels. As part of his role he goes on residential trips, supervising younger kids / teens. He’ll be moving out after the summer for uni. We need to start treating young adults as just that, as opposed to toddlers, and part of that is trusting in their capabilities.

GAD thank you, but I expect that as soon as some posters are back from supervising their 14yr olds tooth brushing I shall be told highly improbable anecdotes about why it's best to baby your dc.

@TippledPink
I agree with you but am a little confused. Once, whilst my children were 16, 13 I had to stay overnight in hospital. Nothing major at all, inly for observation precautionary. The nurses said I either had to arrange for someone to look after my children or they could arrange for social services to care for them for the night.
I think it ought to depend on the child, emergency plans ie clear contact numbers, close by neighbour to call etc.
It’s not always about just trusting the kids. The kids need to feel confident too and know what to do and where to go in an emergency.

I would if the 13yo would be comfortable with it.