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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To leave 16 and 13 year old alone overnight

364 replies

Scampitramp · 31/01/2020 22:18

School years 11 & 9. 13 year old nearly 14.

We've been invited to a party a couple of hours away so will stay overnight. Would leave mid afternoon Saturday & return around lunchtime Sunday. Used to being left while we go out locally, sometimes until early hours. Fairly sensible - can be trusted not to have friends over/parties/not to set fire to the house.

Seeing it as first foray into further independence.

Yay or nay??

OP posts:
Oblomov20 · 01/02/2020 08:25

Was that a quote above from the nspcc guidelines? And remember they are only guidelines not laws.

Plus it says under 16 to not be left alone. But he isn't alone. Is he?

Chocolatecake12 · 01/02/2020 08:26

Only you know your own children. I would if there was a friend or neighbour who they can phone or go to if they needed them.
Make a list of emergency numbers, set some rules, give them £20 for pizza and hide the booze!
If you think they’re sensible, if they’re happy to be left then do it. Life’s about weighing up the risks and making decisions based on that.
I left my 17 yr old home alone for 5 days in the summer. He’s very sensible - there were no parties!! He cooked himself proper dinners and didn’t even spend the money id left him for takeaways!

Juliette20 · 01/02/2020 08:30

It all depends whether they are happy with it. If they are ok with it, then it's ok as far as I'm concerned.

Mine are 14 and 11 and we've left them on their own for an evening, not overnight, and we were only going out locally, but your kids are older so I would say it was a sensible next step.

champagneandfromage50 · 01/02/2020 08:31

My 16 yr old DS was going to be left alone for the night. Sensible or so I thought, always open about what he was up to and I had no reservations about leaving him. Then I spotted a message on his FB messenger- 'party at mine' / free yard to all his mates and more. So he came with us!

Babdoc · 01/02/2020 08:37

A 16 year old is legally old enough to marry and have their own children! It always amazes me how many parents infantilise their teenagers - it’s doing them no favours. You should be encouraging their development of adult life skills, not wrapping them in cotton wool.
I left my 15 year old DD home alone for three days while I was in Prague. She not only managed fine, she baked me a nice cake for my return.
At 16 she travelled alone to camp at a LARP event 300 miles away. Her only problem was trying to put the tent up on hard earth- the old male larpers in the next tent all helped her drive the pegs in, and chauffeured her and the other youngsters who lacked transport to the supermarket for supplies. The staff in Asda got a bit of a shock as (fake) axe wielding trolls, wizards and bards poured in, but she had a great time!
Please let your 16 year olds breathe - they really aren’t toddlers any more.

Jomarchsburntskirt · 01/02/2020 08:43

So you’re expecting a child of 16 to be responsible for a child of 13. I definitely wouldn’t do this. If something happens the authorities will class this as neglect for leaving two children alone.

Flaskfan · 01/02/2020 08:44

The nspcc thing about not leaving under 12s alone for long seems to forget that at 11, they're in high school. My dc are going to be alone for nearly 3 hours a day after school and definitely in a lot of the school holidays once they get to high school.

Poetryinaction · 01/02/2020 08:45

I definitely would. If they can call for help if needed and know not to light fires etc. They will be absolutely fine.

BentNeckLady · 01/02/2020 08:50

Unless they are completely thick, incredibly bad behaved or likely to throw a wild party of course it’s okay.

Juliette20 · 01/02/2020 08:53

If something happens the authorities will class this as neglect for leaving two children alone

They wouldn't. Not for one night, maybe if you went on holiday for a fortnight.

Nanny0gg · 01/02/2020 08:57

Suggest you ignore the tutting. You know your kids

The OP did ask...

Blackbear19 · 01/02/2020 09:06

Jomarch -
16 isn't really a child though, old enough to work, marry and have children. But not old enough to toast the bride. Nor old enough to vote in most elections.
Old enough to have sex but not old enough to visit the cinema and watch other people!!!

The ages for all these things are down right stupid.

polkadotpj · 01/02/2020 09:06

Not for me but you know your own children best. I’d have been fine with my sister at that age but my sons wouldn’t be ok

ShonaAndTheWaterHorse · 01/02/2020 09:10

Over 16 year oldsshouldn't be left alone frequently for long periods of time or for multiple nights

That's just ridiculous.

cuckooken · 01/02/2020 09:11

If something happens the authorities will class this as neglect for leaving two children alone.

They really wouldn't. In fact there are children all over the UK suffering from actual neglect every day of the week, let's not pretend leaving a 16 & 13 year old home alone for a night is anywhere near neglectful.

ShonaAndTheWaterHorse · 01/02/2020 09:13

A 16 year old is legally old enough to marry and have their own children! It always amazes me how many parents infantilise their teenagers - it’s doing them no favours. You should be encouraging their development of adult life skills, not wrapping them in cotton wool

Absolutely.

Dragonglass · 01/02/2020 09:20

I definitely would and have done this. If I couldn't, I would be questioning my parenting tbh (SN aside of course).

LynetteScavo · 01/02/2020 09:23

Could they deal with with an attempted burglary in the night and the toaster catching fire?

That's what my 18 yo DS had to deal with when we left him to look after the house.

cuckooken · 01/02/2020 09:24

A 16 year old is legally old enough to marry and have their own children! It always amazes me how many parents infantilise their teenagers - it’s doing them no favours. You should be encouraging their development of adult life skills, not wrapping them in cotton wool

Absolutely this. ^

There are people on Mumsnet who have admitted to not letting their 16 year old out on weeknights with friends or to giving them an 8:30pm curfew at the weekend or to making them go to bed at 9:30pm with 'lights out' half an hour later. Batshit.

cuckooken · 01/02/2020 09:25

Could they deal with with an attempted burglary in the night and the toaster catching fire?

To be fair I'm over 40 and I couldn't really deal with an attempted burglary.

The toaster? Shouldn't spontaneously catch fire, what was he doing to it?

AliMonkey · 01/02/2020 09:28

Absolutely fine if they are happy with it, know to not advertise the fact (and won’t) and are sensible and get on. Me and sister were left on our own overnight from 12 and 16 and me on my own from 15 and it never worried me (and only once had a small party). And I do think that the ease with which they can contact you or a local family friend makes it even safer these days.

I would in principle leave my 12 and 15 yo if they were both like my DD but she would be uncomfortable so I wouldn’t. And as DS won’t even go to sleep without us upstairs or his sister sleeping in his room (which means any evenings out for us can’t be very late unless his sister kindly offers to sleep in his room), would be a no for us. And no it’s not down to us mollycoddling him, he has severe anxiety issues.

spongejack · 01/02/2020 09:31

A 16 year old is legally old enough to marry and have their own children! It always amazes me how many parents infantilise their teenagers - it’s doing them no favours. You should be encouraging their development of adult life skills, not wrapping them in cotton wool

Agree

spongejack · 01/02/2020 09:33

@Jomarchsburntskirt you do know a 16 year old van get married? It's not child neglect and to say it is makes a mockery of real children that are neglected!

Such fucking drama!

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 01/02/2020 09:36

The 16 year old should be responsible for his sibling, that’s the parents job.
I’d not leave a 13 year old overnight alone with another child to go to a party. Either take them along or arrange childcare for he younger one.

BigusBumus · 01/02/2020 09:56

I have 17 year old sons who would be organising a party within seconds of being told they were being left overnight.

We get round it by saying we will be back by 10pm. At 10pm we text that we will be back by 11pm. At 11pm we text to stay we decided to stay overnight and will be home early morning.

They fall for it every time! Grin