Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

AIBU to be in awe of single parents

156 replies

Warsawa31 · 31/01/2020 19:09

Hi,
I’ve spent a week looking after my 9 month old daughter as my wife away with work.
We usually split baby care 70/30 with my wife doing most of it.

I am knackered lol , she is what you would deem an easy baby and there is only one of her.

I’ve spent the week thinking about single parents and how hard it must be to do this alone day in day out.

Just a massive doth of my cap to any single parents out there.

OP posts:

megletthesecond · 31/01/2020 23:18

I don't think it was patronising.

I've been a lone parent for a decade and it's gruelling. My standards are so low that my last break was anaesthetic and recuperation for a bowel operation 2yrs ago .

Ellisandra · 31/01/2020 23:26

I found it patronising.
As others have said, it’s the lumping us together as one stereotypical group that makes me
I was a single parent for 10 years, recently remarried. Frankly, I found it really easy -and definitely easier than having an idiot of a cheating husband in the way!
I think if OP found it so hard to solo parent his own child for a short period, he needs to do it more often.

Tbh though, I was more struck by the cap dothing. What is with men when they turn up on this site that so many of them resort to this type of old fashioned faux mannered language?

SandyY2K · 31/01/2020 23:50

My word, so many people are so easily offended. You just come across as bitter and hostile.

I'm not a single parent, but I think many single parents do a great job.
I agree that not every single faces the same challenges, just as not every parent in a couple would.

Being a parent is not easy with 2 parents, so anything else added to the mix creates an added layer of difficulty.

corduroyal · 01/02/2020 06:08

Mmn, I get the sentiment but it's a bit like calling a cancer patient brave. Sometimes you find yourself in a shitty position and you make the best of it because there's no alternative. There's courage involved but what else are you going to do?

LokiLocks · 01/02/2020 10:46

@tunnocksreturns2019

@justanothergrumblebum Yes, I have taken up the adventurous hobby of getting clothes dry in a draughty, cold house which really provides me with a great sense of challenge during my mountains of spare time. I had heard of this full night's sleep thing? Assumed it was just a myth but if you do ever find it then please send a map and instructions

BlackeyedSusan · 01/02/2020 10:55

I don't find it patronising as it is bloody hard, though I have to say the first week was the hardest.

Blackopal · 01/02/2020 11:55

Loving the idea of all my free time.
I am with my children or at work. Rinse and repeat. Zero support.

It's all good, I can do it, although not without it taking its toll, sacrificing all outside interests and bearing the weight of mine and mine children's world.

I have people tell me I'm amazing blah blah, lack of choice is a huge motivator.

Mummyscrewedup · 01/02/2020 12:00

@Aceinthehole i have soooooo much free time. I have had 4 nights away from my 5 year old since January 2017. All 4 were spent with me in hospital with DS.

I now roughly get 10am-2pm 4 days a week but between un a never ending mountain of washing, housework, paperwork/chasing up stuff for their SEN. I have loads of free time 👌👌

FlorencesHunger · 01/02/2020 12:31

I will take it too, although seeing by dbro and his wife with their little one I can still see it is hard work with a young child, work and life. They support each other and accommodate each other when things go wrong as they live a normal life. I reckon it is tough either way. Single parent don't rely much on anyone as they are doing it alone so adjust their life accordingly to make it easier. Even if it is hard, it is just as doable and not always a slog just like coupled families.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 01/02/2020 12:41

I find it patronizing too

And for myself and all other single parents I know (all apart from one are mums) it’s the financial side and juggling that is the most stressful part

Aceinthehole · 01/02/2020 19:40

@Moominmammaatsea I didn't say anything about you, or your schedule. I made a statement based on my own personal experiences of the single parents I know, not you. As it happens, I'm not a single parent, but my husband works away for up to 9 months at a time. In a large number of cases, NOT ALL CASES, a child will go and see their other parent regularly, giving both parents opportunity to have free time. So my statement of "most single parents I know, have more free time than I do" stands true. They do. I don't have any family to help me, and I am on my own with my children or at work. I'll admit, my husband is coming back, so it's not like this for years.... but never less than 4 months, and mostly away for 6, back for one....and I work full time.

I didn't mean to offend anyone, I was making an observation about my circumstances, and the single parents I personally know. But yeah, let's all get defensive and play "my life is soooo much harder than yours..." that always ends well. 🙄

Blackopal · 01/02/2020 20:03

But ace that's exactly what you did.

You came on a thread about single parents and made a goady statement.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 01/02/2020 20:10

I am a LP to one lovely dd and it's a doddle tbh. I tend to feel guilty about that, especially with thread titles like this. Sorry op! Thanks for being in awe of me though!

Aceinthehole · 01/02/2020 20:31

@Blackopal how is commenting on my own experiences goady? It's my opinion and my experience. I don't really understand why everyone is so offended that a Dad said he thinks parenting on your own is hard, and that's patronising, but anyone remotely suggesting otherwise or a different perspective or stance is goady?

Aceinthehole · 01/02/2020 20:32

Oh, and I didn't say my life was hard. I'm happy with my deal.

pigdogridesagain · 01/02/2020 20:51

Single mum of four here and have been for the last 8 years. I found life so much easier when my ex fucked off to be be with his new wife victim! No being constantly undermined, criticised, gaslighted and cheated on. Yes things have been very hard at times financially and emotionally but it was the best thing that ever happened to us.

Blackopal · 01/02/2020 21:07

No need to @ me, I'm here.

You came on made a comment that all single parents you know 'have fuck more time than me', without any background.

You eyerolled at people playing the who had it harder game, which seemed odd given your previous comment.

I haven't made any comment on the OP being patronising or otherwise, you need to speak to other posters about that.

Sammysquiz · 01/02/2020 21:24

Ok I apologise if I've spoken out of turn and appear 'bitter'. But it really is the worst thing in the world when someone with a partner (wife, husband, whatever) turns around and says oh I've done a week, I know exactly how you feel. And wax lyrical about how hard single parenting is.

But he didn’t do this! OP never said “I know exactly how you feel” - he merely said he’d had a taste of what it must be like, and was empathetic about how hard it must be.

toomanyleggings · 01/02/2020 21:27

I actually found it easier in some ways. You do what you want and parent how you want when you're single. Both situations have their positives and negatives

Boredbumhead · 01/02/2020 21:28

Yeah I don't like this kind of post. It's not a lifestyle choice to be a single parent half the time there's no choice in the matter. Cap dothing doesn't help me when I sink into a depression because I feel my adult life and hobbies slipping away.

Aceinthehole · 01/02/2020 21:29

Sorry, is @ not a way to draw attention to the comment in the thread?

I didn't know I had to provide background and context to every comment on here. It felt, from my perspective, that someone had innocently posted a "wow, I've completely misjudged how hard parenting on your own can be" as a way to relate and admit a slight ignorance, to everyone getting at him for being patronising? Yet when someone suggests that their perspective of being a lone parent, based on who they know, isn't as like that, that's being goady and that's not fair?

That's my opinion, and my experience. I don't have to give you context, it's a social forum where we all share opinions.... and I stand by mine. I have now given you context around my story, and what, now that's ok because there's 'context'.....? Everyone is allowed an opinion, without insight, experience or 'context.' I'm sorry if that offends you.

Have you only ever had an opinion on something you've experienced? I doubt it.

looondonn · 01/02/2020 21:33

Hate hate these kind of posts
Sorry !!

Single parent after leaving an abusive ex
Feel peeved when my smug married friends are like 'how do you do it' blah blah
Just say nothing please

It is patronising

Some of us have no choice but just get on with it and with zero support financially from the ex it is never fun

tempnamechange98765 · 01/02/2020 21:34

YANBU! I had my two DCs (4 and a baby) on my own for 3 nights this week and it was flippin relentless! Bedtime was so stressful especially.

Blackopal · 01/02/2020 21:38

Thank you for your apology, but no need, I'm not offended

OvaltinaTurner · 01/02/2020 21:50

I have taken up the adventurous hobby of getting clothes dry in a draughty, cold house

you and me have the same hobby loki

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Swipe left for the next trending thread