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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be in awe of single parents

156 replies

Warsawa31 · 31/01/2020 19:09

Hi,
I’ve spent a week looking after my 9 month old daughter as my wife away with work.
We usually split baby care 70/30 with my wife doing most of it.

I am knackered lol , she is what you would deem an easy baby and there is only one of her.

I’ve spent the week thinking about single parents and how hard it must be to do this alone day in day out.

Just a massive doth of my cap to any single parents out there.

OP posts:
Nothing2doooooo · 31/01/2020 19:11

YANBU of course. Single parents rock big time!

Nothing2doooooo · 31/01/2020 19:12

And people who mock/hate/whatever single parents need to walk a mile in their shoes. They'd most likely feel what you're feeling now.

doesthissoundok · 31/01/2020 19:13

No offence but I always hate this kind of post. It's kind of patronising like we're supposed to be sooooo happy that you've given us a moments thought.

LongWalkShortPlank · 31/01/2020 19:14

In some ways it's easy because you make all the decisions and you don't have to run them by anyone else. Less people to clean up after etc. But at the same time my daughter does activities 4 days a week, I work part time around her school, in a school. Childcare is hard, especially when the child gets sick. I'm very tired, lol. I appreciate this post!

justanothergrumblebum · 31/01/2020 19:14

I'm so sorry to put a downer on this 'woohoo, aren't single parents great?' post but I find it extremely patronising. On a par with 'hubs has gone away for the weekend, now I totally get why you single parents have it tough... jeez.

justanothergrumblebum · 31/01/2020 19:15

.@doessthissoundok, solidarity.

Original poster
Warsawa31 · 31/01/2020 19:15

@doesthissoundok

Sorry if it came across as patronising not my intention at all I promise

OP posts:
doesthissoundok · 31/01/2020 19:15

Exactly grumblebum.

justanothergrumblebum · 31/01/2020 19:17

@doessthissoundok, two years here since the arsehole fucked off. I work full time, and I have NO support. Nothing. Nada.

It really grates, doesn't it?

Yehdivvy · 31/01/2020 19:17

I have the utmost respect to my mil who brought up 4 children alone after fil died very young. She had 4 young kids under the age of 10 & had to sell the family business because she couldn't keep it going. She got 3 jobs, brought up and sent her kids to university so they had more financial choices in life.

Hats off to all who for whatever reason find themselves bringing up their kids alone.

Mouldmeabucket · 31/01/2020 19:19

No offence but I always hate this kind of post. It's kind of patronising like we're supposed to be sooooo happy that you've given us a moments thought.

Agree completely. And it’s very “thank fuck I’m not a single parent”. Like I’m so glad experiencing something similar to my life for one day made you realise you’re glad you don’t have my life.

Original poster
Warsawa31 · 31/01/2020 19:19

I saw a video about that lady who gave birth to octuplets. That was ten years ago, the media frenzy died down and everyone stopped giving a shit. She has raised them on her own into polite, healthy and well looked after ten year olds. Just awesome

OP posts:
doesthissoundok · 31/01/2020 19:21

We're not all a homogenous lump of martyrdom!!!! Stop defining us by this one characteristic. It makes it easier to bundle us all together and go 'ah... bless them!' rather than tackling real shit like childcare, housing, education etc. etc. etc.

OvaltinaTurner · 31/01/2020 19:22

Yeah, well I'll take it. I am freaking awesome. YES I AM!!!! Grin
I find it back breaking and soul-destroying and very bloody lonely and I did not choose it. So chuck me some Wine and Cake while you're at it but above all, let your wife know that you appreciate them doing more than you and try and make it 50-50 when you are able or give her lie-ins at the weekend. The baby years were bloody horrendous.

Nothing2doooooo · 31/01/2020 19:23

Didn't read it as patronizing at all...but we all see things differently, don't we?

Nuttyaboutnutella · 31/01/2020 19:23

I have a lot of respect for my friend who left a violent relationship, managed to get a house sorted, look after her two young daughters with hardly any support and work. She is doing is completely single handedly.

I also have a relative who goes on and on about her life as a single mum and how she has it hard. In reality, her son is 4, is in school full time, and is with his dad 50/50. He also goes to bed at 6.30 and sleeps til 7am ish. She gets a TON of free time, doesn't work (despite claiming she wants to but does nothing about it) then keeps telling me she's so tired.
I'm a SAHM to a nearly 3 year old with ASD, a difficult 8 month old, partner who often has to work late and neither of my kids sleep well.

TabbyStar · 31/01/2020 19:24

Well I appreciate it. I hate the posts that say "DH works away so I'm a single parent during the week" - no you're not, you're not having to earn all the frigging money too. But that's not how this post was worded. There are definitely some upsides to it, but the sheer grind and constantly being stuck at home of an evening and unable to have much of a life of your own can be miserable.

speakout · 31/01/2020 19:24

Horribly patronising post.

I fail to see how spending a week looking after your own child ( while in a relationship) gives you any insight at all into being a single parent.

I am not a single parent, have no idea what that must be like, and you are giving out well done stickers.

Do you want to be seen as the benevolent woke man? The kindly patriarch? Head guy charge of the elephants?

AnotherDFSsale · 31/01/2020 19:25

Lol at a week. Ffs

WellHolyGodMiley · 31/01/2020 19:25

YANBU! Thank you!

Some things are harder but some things are better

alifelived · 31/01/2020 19:26

OP you’ll never win with a post like this. Even with the best of intentions on Mumsnet, you’ll be accused of being patronising and speaking down to single parents.

I think your post came from a good place so YANBU at all.

AnotherDFSsale · 31/01/2020 19:26

Stick your dothy cap up your lucky arse

Original poster
Warsawa31 · 31/01/2020 19:27

@doesthissoundok

Ummm ok, my point was she was maligned in the press for having all these kids but had raised them all herself and they are happy and healthy.

How would you take childcare? Personally I think business should take the lead I’ve pressured My company into building on site crèche - given them productivity studies that show the cost of the crèche is outweighed by the higher output of parents not worries about childcare and they can work more (highly productive) hours. Very interesting

OP posts:
justjuggling · 31/01/2020 19:28

I’ll take it, thanks. Single parent, full time full on job, limited support. Think it’s great when someone recognised this shit is hard work and it makes them grateful for what they have!

cardibach · 31/01/2020 19:28

As a veteran of single parenthood who has come out the other side (DD24) I didn’t find it patronising. Or suggesting we were martyrs.
Thanks OP. It’s tricky and tiring but very, very rewarding.