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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be in awe of single parents

156 replies

Warsawa31 · 31/01/2020 19:09

Hi,
I’ve spent a week looking after my 9 month old daughter as my wife away with work.
We usually split baby care 70/30 with my wife doing most of it.

I am knackered lol , she is what you would deem an easy baby and there is only one of her.

I’ve spent the week thinking about single parents and how hard it must be to do this alone day in day out.

Just a massive doth of my cap to any single parents out there.

OP posts:
Nothing2doooooo · 31/01/2020 20:10

LMAO @justanothergrumblebum Perhaps you should take my username.....

Oh wait, never mind, yours is just perfect for youFlowersCakeBrew

dottiedodah · 31/01/2020 20:10

I didnt find the post at all patronising ,but am not a SP! I too think all my DF SP are doing a really damn good job! Personally I hate all the media posts that downgrade the SPs ,,and make out everyone who is in trouble have a single Mum .What about the dads FFS! My friend is a shift worker solely so she can work nights and be there for her DC.My DS has split with her DH ,as he spent money like mad ,left her in debt and only wants the DC when is suitable for him!

doesthissoundok · 31/01/2020 20:11

Mansplaining. It's a thing.

Frequency · 31/01/2020 20:13

Can you think of any other ideas to help single parents??

Put pressure on the government and your male counterparts to sort out the child maintenance system and make it criminally and socially unacceptable to avoid paying a fair amount towards the true cost of raising your child.

I find single parenting a doddle compared to parenting with my ex but the money situation really boils my piss. I hate that he gets to work normal full time hours and can afford to take the kids abroad every year while I work 50 plus hours a week just to pay the bills and keep them in hot water and clothes that fit.

justanothergrumblebum · 31/01/2020 20:13

@doesthissoundok thank the lord above for the menz...

ItFigures · 31/01/2020 20:14

Christ some of the bile on this post is just horrific. The poster clearly was clearly just being kind natured.

Thanks OP, that’s a really kind and thoughtful thing to say.

flamingo40 · 31/01/2020 20:18

I f dad OMG read it as patronising.
My mum was a single mum and I'm in complete awe of her.
I was a single mum for 4 years. It's tough.
I'm now married but my husband works away, part of the week I feel like a single mum but i have the support of my husband eve he though he's not here. This is nothing compared to being on my own for those years.
It's nice when people recognise how hard it can be so don't feel bad for posting

Kittykat93 · 31/01/2020 20:19

Although yes the op clearly has no idea what it's like to be a single parent, I do appreciate the post. It is fucking hard and draining, physically, mentally, emotionally and financially. There's never someone coming home at the end of a bad day to help out with bedtime, no one to take over when I've got a sickness bug and can't move from the bathroom, no one to help deal with screaming tantrums in public, no one to talk to in the evening when I've had no one but a 2 year old to socialise with. I'm fucking exhausted and quite lonely. It's nice to have someone acknowledge it.

flamingo40 · 31/01/2020 20:19

That should have read I didn't read it as patronising! Sorry my phones doing it's own thing

justanothergrumblebum · 31/01/2020 20:19

@frequency that's exactly it. I am lucky that my ex has nothing to do with my daughter (he fled the country after he was found guilty of various offences, including violence to me, whilst I was holding my daughter, but that's another story, I'm court ordered up the hilt with non mol orders, PSO's etc), but he pays nothing (doing the old cms dodge by 'claiming benefits', even though I have court documents proving he is working 🤷‍♀️), I work full time as a teacher, it costs me to go to work due to childcare... his family supported him and tried to come back when it turned out that I was right all along about him, but they don't live in the country either, not that I would trust them either...

And before anyone says anything, no, I had no idea about any of this, he literally turned as soon as I had given birth, and we were engaged, I 'knew' him for a fair amount of time, etc etc etc. I never set out to be a single parent, and I am ashamed to say that before I became one, I was applying stereotypes and casting aspersions on those who were. How bloody stupid was I?

Binterested · 31/01/2020 20:20

Agree with ItFigures. OP is clearly just noting something that struck him this week and thought it would be nice to share. I don’t feel patronised or belittled. I am a single parent (completely) so that can be hard. On the other hand I don’t struggle for money so I can’t take any kudos for managing that side of things. I don’t have to be like every single parent who ever existed to know that there are some things we have in common that make life hard sometimes. And it’s nice to have those be understood by others from time to time.

Thanks OP.

Teacaketotty · 31/01/2020 20:20

Wow, seriously salty people on this post. I took it as a nice post. I’ve often said I don’t know how people do this alone, doesn’t make me patronising or think I’m better - it means I think single parents must be made of pretty tough stuff.

Take a compliment Jesus. You don’t need to be offended about everything!

justanothergrumblebum · 31/01/2020 20:21

@ItFigures. Not bile. Realism.

Moominmammaatsea · 31/01/2020 20:21

@Warsawa31, I think you’ve been given an unnecessarily hard time here. I’ll happily take your awe for single parents - and I’ll raise you my single-parent-to-two-adopted children, one-of-whom-is-blind family situation. All parenting is hard and none of us is an expert, we all just do the very best we are capable of and with the best intent.

swimmingclubs · 31/01/2020 20:22

Really patronising- and also sometimes being a single parent is better, in fact can be bloody brilliant! No annoying partner to argue with!

ItFigures · 31/01/2020 20:23

@justanothergrumblebum yes, from your POV. Single parent here also. I don’t get why people are so easily offended on MN especially when the intentions are obviously good. No wonder this site is so bereft of people being decent because when they are they get shot down in flames.

crispysausagerolls · 31/01/2020 20:25

Friday night MN 😂😂😂😂

OP = tries to be nice

MN = fuck you OP!

SimonJT · 31/01/2020 20:26

I’m a lone parent, have been since day one. The best things about being a lone parent are
Having no one else to answer to, I can raise my son as I wish, I don’t have to make a compromise I’m not keen on.
I get my son everyday, I don’t have to spend time away from him as there isn’t another parent.
I don’t have to rely on someone else paying child maintenance etc.
I don’t have to worry about starting a new relationship as there isn’t another parent to potentially cause problems.

Nothing2doooooo · 31/01/2020 20:27

Take a compliment Jesus. You don’t need to be offended about everything!

Agree. Unfortunately bitterness is a sad disease. It eats away at one's soul without them knowing of it. So understand some people who felt the need to make this post about themselves while calling out the OP!
Hope they find healing someday.

doesthissoundok · 31/01/2020 20:28

grumblebum your experience is fucking horrific. I'm really sorry you went through all that.
swimmingclubs Yay! Welcome to the salty side 😁

TopBitchoftheWitches · 31/01/2020 20:28

I appreciate your op, OP.

I am permanently tired due to having to drive my daughter's to school and home again each day to a school 10 miles away myself and their dad chose when together. Then working in the six hours they are at school, driving here, there and everywhere.
Along with housework, cooking dinner, house admin and money worries I am exhausted but our lives are much better.

FrivolousPancake · 31/01/2020 20:29

This is wild 🤣

OP simply making an appreciative observation and there’s people calling him a creep ffs!

justanothergrumblebum · 31/01/2020 20:36

Ok I apologise if I've spoken out of turn and appear 'bitter'. But it really is the worst thing in the world when someone with a partner (wife, husband, whatever) turns around and says oh I've done a week, I know exactly how you feel. And wax lyrical about how hard single parenting is.

I will say again (before I fuck off to clean up the shit tip that is the lounge, put a wash on, wash up, and get everything ready for tomorrow, wait for the washing to finish and hang it all out, then might get some time to make dinner), that you have absolutely no idea about the bone crushing tiredness, the endless guilt, the expense, the crying yourself to sleep at night because you have to work and you are missing out on your kid growing up, the weight of the responsibility, the stress and anxiety that trying to make ends meet, the juggling of everything, the dragging your kid around on a Saturday because that's the only day you can get shit done instead of being able to spend quality time with them, the fact that if you take them swimming, it will be you who has to do all the work, plus the washing afterwards, not being able to go to bed without waiting for the washing machine or dishwasher to finish because otherwise you will just have to empty it in the morning and your strict schedule if you need to leave for work on time (via childcare)... I won't go on....

But seriously, a week? Dude. Get some perspective.

justanothergrumblebum · 31/01/2020 20:38

@doessthissoundok thanks, it's been beyond horrific, and I've had a horrendous few weeks. Probably why this thread struck a nerve!

Teacaketotty · 31/01/2020 20:42

So because someone is commending you for doing a good job, saying how great you are and much stronger than he is - your pissed off? Okaaayyy Hmm