AIBU to be in awe of single parents

[Warsawa31]

Hi,
I’ve spent a week looking after my 9 month old daughter as my wife away with work.
We usually split baby care 70/30 with my wife doing most of it.

I am knackered lol , she is what you would deem an easy baby and there is only one of her.

I’ve spent the week thinking about single parents and how hard it must be to do this alone day in day out.

Just a massive doth of my cap to any single parents out there.

And I take my hat off to all adopters out there..

Ah! Perhaps your head should be bitten off for saying such atrocious things about those who adopt. How dare you take your hat off for them? You have NO IDEA what it's like so you have no right to even say such......!!!!!!

See how silly it sounds?

Seriously what does your story have to do with OP? How does it negate/affect what OP wrote? Were you just looking for attention? Still massively

@Nothing2doooooo sorry, didn't mean to offend you!

@justanothergrumblebum Not offended in the least.

I am in awe of people who take that step

Well how very dare you be in awe of them, you aren’t in that situation so you can’t possibly understand. This whole argument is so contradictory, I’m in awe of adoptive parents (even though I’m not one) but don’t dare be in awe of single parents unless you are one!

Good night

@justanothergrumblebum, your DC is very lucky that you had the strength of character to remove yourselves from such a toxic relationship. That’s not necessarily the case for many babies and children living in a domestic violence environment. I hear you. I’m sorry for you that your post-birth situation turned out to be so unexpectedly horrible for you. But, honestly, being a single parent, in charge of your own destiny and living happily and in joy, and without violence and the threat of violence, has surely got to be a better experience for your DC and you?

I'm in awe of anyone who keeps their children alive it's hard work

It's just amazingly ironic how your 'soapbox cause' has become your very own "downfall".

Perhaps you will be more understanding in the future and accepting of a simple compliment without cynicism.

@kiki22, I like your style! Sometimes I get to the end of a really extra-shitty day and I check my two girls in their beds and if they’re still breathing in their sleep, then I consider it a good job well done (obviously slightly ironic here in case anyone wants to report me to Children’s Social Care! 😀)

@Moominmammaatsea no you are absolutely right. Absolutely. We are so much better off!

However it doesn't detract from the fact that single parenthood is really fucking tough, as I am sure you know.

The fact that no matter how tired you are, there is no-one there to help, no matter how ill you are, you need to keep going, etc etc blah blah blah. I guess the fact that for the last eight months I can feel more secure in the fact that he won't turn up and try and hurt us or something has taken a bit of a load off.

It just seriously seriously seriously winds me up when people 'play' at being single parents and then go on these whimsical tributes about it...

All the best to you and your dc

@Moominmammaatsea I won't lie, I do the same!!! Crazy eh?

Moominmammaatsea alive and well is all that matters at the end of the day everyone struggles with some thing no one finds everything easy all the time.

Respectfully @justanothergrumblebum but you’re doing across really unnecessarily viscous and judgmental.

An adoptive parent an utilise all the resources in the world and do all the planning possible nothing and I mean nothing prepares you for being quite literally left holding the baby - as I’m sure you well know!

I truly understand your point but that was a really unfair thing to say.

All the single parents I know have fuck more free time than I do.

@atomicblonde30 I respectfully disagree. Going into a situation as a single parent in the first place, as opposed to be left, quite literally, holding the baby?

All the single parents I know have fuck more free time than I do. oh yeah @Aceinthehole it is a fucking cake walk! I am wallowing in free time between full time work, child care and wondering how we are going to meet the bills this month while trying to be the optimistic and cheery mum.

You are right, us single parents are living it up in our free time (?!) and having a ball, sure why not join us if the perks are so great?

@atomicblonde30 I respectfully disagree. Going into a situation as a single parent in the first place, as opposed to be left, quite literally, holding the baby, having banked on another pair of hands, another income, another person there? And suddenly, nothing?

Again, I mean absolutely no disrespect but I feel that it's completely different kettle of fish. And incomparable if I am honest.

@LokiLocks oh me too! I am currently trying to decide between my two favourite leisure activities, emptying the bins or hanging out the washing. And you know, it's only because I have nothing better to do, I've only been up since 5.30 every day this week, and getting to bed at around 11, I am practically just begging for things to do?

I have heard about this new dangled hobby, it's called a 'proper night's sleep'... I must investigate, except I will be woken up at around 5.30 tomorrow morning, and I get to about half a page into my book before I fall asleep...

@Aceinthehole, goady much? Happy to compare schedules with you! Not all of us fit into your 50/50 shared parenting tick box diary. Getting a bit fed up that yet another single parenting thread on Mumsnet is turning into another race-to-the-bottom countdown. Going to go away and research some actual facts and statistics...

Thank you Warsawa31!

@Warsawa31 thanks for the sentiment. I shall take it in the spirit it was intended.

Having been a single parent for 7 years, then finding love again, and now newly single again, I have taken comments like OPs differently at different times depending on my mental state/who said it/why they said it etc.

I remember a video going around on Facebook a couple of years ago by some young youtuber telling single mums how amazingly awesome they are. He couldn't do it. How do we manage. Blah blah. It was said in a faux sympathetic tone. My word I hated that video and got irrationally annoyed everytime someone tagged me in it.

But when my ex left in November (his reason for ending it was that he can't stand my dc) another friend of mine messaged me and said I'm his hero! The way it was said was so sweet and made me cry . I know he meant it as a genuine compliment!

So I shall assume, without knowing the OP, that his was intended in the same way.

Ace really?! My DH is dead, I work, I have two young kids and I am home alone with them every single evening. If you have less free time than me I will be slightly staggered.

@tunnocksreturns2019

@justanothergrumblebum I do understand, truly I do. I was in your shoes, I had banked on embarking into parenthood with another person to rely on. Alas pregnancy turned him into some abusive wanker and I was left to navigate it alone and with severe PTSD from his abuse.

I guess I can only speak for myself and I think I would have struggles either way whether planned single parenthood or not. I don’t disagree that you have a different opinion which is of course valid and true.

@PorpentinaScamander he said he didn’t like your child?? That is so hideous, I’m so sorry that happened. What an absolute nobber.

@atomicblonde30 yup
I have 2 teenage boys so even I don't like them sometimes