MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

And the OP isn’t making a fuss, she doesn’t want a fruitcake. Her MIL is making a fuss!

I was just thinking though-has it occurred to anyone that only elderly folk tend to like fruitcake?

I know its not that big a deal, but it is to MIL, so I would do it.
But then I don't understand people who get in to stand offs over unimportant things like this.
I would save disagreeing with her for things that actually matter.
I just find so many people on MN seem to get into fall outs over things they don't even think are important to them, all to stand up for themselves. Personally I think it is about ego.

Not worth making a fuss over. I’d let her bring whatever extra cake she wanted.

Gosh - all of you saying that the OP is mean and questioning what harm there is to provide fruit cake...what fucking planet are you on?

It is nothing to do with the MIL. If she prefers tinned tuna to smoked salmon should the OP arrange to have that there too? Or maybe she doesn't like roses (insert any flower of choice) Should the OP remove those from her bouquet?

What if the OP has chosen orange shoes and MIL hates orange?

The OP and her partner have chosen the cake that they want. That is what there is. If MIL doesn't like it then she doesn't have to eat it. She is unlikely to fade away from hunger if she doesn't get a bit of cake.

Diddl, lots of people like it. I do. I still think that the OP should ha e what she wants, although it isn't a big deal.

@katzenellenbogen - this, this in spades. Why would aspects of the wedding be tailored to a guest? I think if boundaries are not set now they never will be.

I think it depends on the MIL - mine was lovely, and if she had wanted an addition to the wedding a) she would have asked us to consider it, she wouldn’t have ‘demanded’ it, as the OP’s MIL has, b) she wouldn’t have been offended if we had said No, and c) she wasn’t a domineering or controlling person and we never had to worry about giving her an inch, because we knew she wasn’t going to take a mile.

But it doesn’t sound as if @WrackspurtsAndNargles62442‘s MIL is like this, and the more likely someone is to overstep the boundaries, the more firm you need to be from the get-go, to put a stop to it.

A lot of older people do like fruit cake

So do a lot of younger people, it's not something we morph into liking as we age.

I make a really good fruit cake, according to people who eat it. I don't actually like it myself, I make it for others.

But katzenellenbogen has it right. Where does the OP draw the line on MIL's demands? Because this cake business wasn't MIL asking nicely, but making a decision that was nothing to do with her.

DD had 3 tiers, a fruit cake, not dry if it's made correctly, a sponge, and a gluten free one on top. Quite a lot of guests (mainly their friends) are both sponge and fruit cake.

Are? Ate.

Let her think she is doing it and then misplace it.

My mum and MIL insisted on fruitcake. It wasn't their wedding so we had chocolate cake paid for by me!

Please don't let this be the hill you die on.

If it was me I would get a lovely cake made with a small extra tier of fruit cake, and tell MIL you have taken her advice and are doing it. You said that MIL plus a couple of grandparents would eat it - they are not exactly insignificant members of the wedding party are they?! My grandparents all used to really look forward to the fruit cake at the wedding and I imagine the older people at your wedding will be the same.

Just do this small thing for the woman who gave birth to your future DH! It's only when you get much older you realise how petty and unimportant these things are, and how small gestures make a huge difference to people.

People who ‘dislike’ fruit cake have obviously never eaten a good one! A good one should NEVER be dry for example.

But I digress.

OP, tell your fiancé to grow a pair and tell his mother where to get off.

@diddl are you out of your mind? My husband and I are in our 30s and love fruit cake. I make a bloody good one too.

Why don’t you just have the smallest tier as fruit cake. Problem solved.

It’s insane how many people are mentioning tiered cakes and different flavours in different tiers as if it’s some sort of ingenious and new concept 😂

Where have all these hills appeared from?

You realise its your wedding right? Tell her to fuck off and do what you want to do.

I love fruit cake but I'd be tempted to suggest to your MIL that she'd like to organise an alternative reception for herself and her cronies and take the fruit cake along to that.

Your wedding, your cake and your OH should tell her to butt out.

Tell her to fuck off?
How pleasant.

Partly because I'm a traditionalist, but partly because im a bit more is more type😯 I had a 5 tier fruit cake (made the cake myself to the family recipe and had it iced - I make them professionally but didnt have time to ice it ot was huge), plus one of the cheese "cake" towers and a huge cupe cake tower (as my sister makes them professionally) to darker for what I perceived to be the majority. Oddly the fruit cake was by far the most popular across all ages.
As much as its interfering, your wedding is something MIL has probably been secretly been looking forward to your fiancé's wedding since the day he was born. Tell her the cake won't be seen but it can be secretly cut behind the scenes so she can offer it to the oldies. Your wedding cake is the thing that's symbolic and that's your choice. MIL is just over excited, I dont think shes interfering as such. Make it clear you're the boss and just keep the plans a bit more vague and secret from now on.

Why are so many posters on here so rude and confrontational? It's just a cake. How do these posters react when it is something more serious?

I assume most of it is hyperbole, @Ginfordinner. I would hope people aren’t generally that rude in RL.