MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

I'm 71. I realise I'm old by most peoples standards but I don't consider myself elderly.

I'm possibly wrong here, but I always think of 'elderly' people as being frail, as well as old. I know a number of people in their 70 who are by no means frail.

I'm possibly wrong here, but I always think of 'elderly' people as being frail, as well as old. I know a number of people in their 70 who are by no means frail.

That makes sense. Thank you, and I am sorry if I've caused anyone offence.

Gosh this has all gone a bit crazy hasn't it! I do appreciate people sharing their opinions, so thank you to those of you who have done so nicely! Sorry I can't respond to everyone. I'm trying to ignore the more vitriolic posts, but I would just like to point out that no, it isn't all about 'me' or even 'me and DP' - as I said in my OP and others have pointed out we have tried to consider our guests and accommodate the majority but we can't possibly please everyone and would go mad if we tried! Also, no, it wouldn't make a huge difference to our day to have a bit of fruit cake available for those who wanted it, but it's about the way it's been approached - not a polite request but an insistence against the wishes we've voiced.
Anyway, most of you will be pleased to know I've had a serious conversation with DP about our decisions being respected and not undermined in general, and made it clear I expect his support with that. The next time we see MIL, we will be speaking to her together to resolve this.
As some of you have said, cake is hardly the most important thing about a wedding, but having our decisions respected will be important for the rest of our marriage, so it's worth addressing that aspect of things.

”...but it's about the way it's been approached - not a polite request but an insistence against the wishes we've voiced.”

I absolutely understand why this has put your back up, @WrackspurtsAndNargles62442 - it would annoy me too.

Cut her out. Its odd to take MIL to wedding fair and ugh to her dress shopping with you

What the fuck? I have the MIL from hell, but I would have absolutely loved to have a nice one who wanted to be involved in this stuff rather than not show up to our wedding after trying to sabotage it. Completely fine to involve MIL so she doesn’t feel left out.

OP - sensible update. Involving someone and being polite does NOT mean giving into “demands”. Here is where you should draw a line to stop it continuing in the future.

If she shows up with a cake, fucking bin it. So unbelievably rude and provocative of her.

@WrackspurtsAndNargles62442

I hate bridezillas who think their "perfect day" trumps the feelings and finances of their friends and family but I actually totally see your point of view here. It sounds like Mil has poor boundaries in general and of course that's going to grate on you and you're going to want to put limits in place.

Your a better person than me, OP.

I would have pretended I was having fruit cake and then just had what ever I wanted. I would pretend I had no idea what she was faffing about in the day.

@WrackspurtsAndNargles62442 What’s your plan regarding the fruit cake? Are you discussing it with MIL or presenting a fait accompli?

I would just lie to her tbh, not sure why you even bothered telling her.

A lot of older people do like fruit cake. Seems a bit mean not to do one small layer of it.

A lot of older people do like fruit cake

Yep. It's one of the symptoms of the menopause.
You'd best all watch out...

A lot of older people do like fruit cake.

I love fruit cake, if it's good fruit cake and not some dry as dust rubbish, but this is not MIL's wedding and the OP and her husband to be want to have the cake they want at THEIR wedding.

As I said in my pp there is nothing to stop MIL indulging her love of fruit cake in her own home.

She probably had fruit cake at her own wedding, so she's had her turn to choose. Why should she get to choose cake at someone else's wedding as well, even if it's only an extra cake.

The wedding cake at this wedding is not going to be a fruit cake, so why bring in extra different cake.

If it's so important to her to have fruit cake at a wedding she can renew her own vows and then she can serve up all the fruit cake she wants.

It's ridiculous that people think they should be entitled to put in their demands and have them met like this.

To keep the peace let her buy it, decorate it with a fresh flowers matching your theme, and call it the 'groom's cake'.

I love fruitcake but I think it's your wedding. My MIL was like that with the wedding plans, like it was her day. Stop including her in every decision. I was a wedding recently and they had the yummiest wedding cake it had a red colour. I got married in the 1980s, I don't have daughters and don't expect to go to wedding fairs with my son

@karencantobe, why does it seem a bit mean?

Tell her to fuck off!
Unless you're marrying MIL in which case she can have a say!

The grooms cake?

I hope you're being ironic Pipandmum

Doesn't the groom get to share in the cake with his new wife?

So the groom's mother should provide a special cake just for her little boy? Oh dear. That's even worse than just providing it for her cronies.

A lot of old people like Emmerdale but I guess you're not showing it. They also like mints, shortbread and blankets.

Let her bring a cake in her handbag. She'll look like a lunatic!

@WarrenNicole Because providing a small layer of fruit cake is such a simple thing to do, unless money is very tight.
I personally love fruit cake and am not that keen on sponge, but would provide other choices for others.
It does not seem worth making a fuss about such a little thing.

And some of the sneering on this thread at older people is very unpleasant.

I wouldn't let her do it to 'keep the peace' or this will continue into married life and will be a nightmare if DC come along. She's had her wedding. How utterly rude of her.
You need to set a precedent now that you are a team and all decisions about anything wedding or family related have zero to do with her. Your potential DH submission would worry me tbh. You should be his priority and he should have a close enough relationship with her to speak his mind.

So you need to set a precedent that your word is law and any of her wishes will be ignored always?

I'm probably what you would call old and hate traditional fruit cake. The only one I have loved was made by my Bajan neighbour which was liberally laced with Cockspur Rum. Oh how I miss her.

From another poster: The Grooms Cake in Steel Magnolias - "I love a good piece of ass" this really made me chuckle being reminded of it.

Actually, I think a groom's cake is an excellent idea.

The groom can have the nice fruit cake from the supermarket he's agreed to.

And the bride can have the five-tiers of praline, chocolate, lemon, carrot, and lime and coconut sponges all to herself.

Wish I'd thought to do that at my wedding.

@karencantobe, it’s still not mean though. We were married in Italy, and opted for a traditional millefoglie cake. It didn’t even occur to me to provide another choice for the guests. Not because I was being mean, but because when arranging a wedding, the cake is rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things. I wouldn’t expect a choice of cake at a wedding! The only choice I would expect for guests would be a vegetarian option on the menu. It’s a ridiculous request from the MIL. Either eat the cake provided, or don’t. And you know, maybe just enjoy the day.