MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

I think it comes down to what you're annoyed about. If it's just cake then maybe find a compromise somewhere. We had three tiers - one chocolate (DH preference), one lemon (my preference although I'm rarely sad about chocolate!) and one (the smallest) fruit cake - because we knew it would make the Grandparents happy!

If however she's trying to take over and this is just one of many ways she's pushing boundaries/forcing her will etc. then by all means stand your ground and tell her it's your wedding so she can go jump and have her own fruit cake the next day if she cares that much.

Whichever you do - make it your choice, definitely not her sneaking an extra little cake alongside whatever you have chosen as your cake! The venue should 100% support you on this.

AIBU to order one of these in each flavour and refuse to share with DH?!

www.marksandspencer.com/taster-cake-soft-iced-all-butter-sponge/p/p60052336

STOP TELLING HER THINGS

I had three tiers of cake at my wedding

One Madeira, one chocolate and one fruit cake. I loathe fruit cake but did it to keep some of the older replies happy. Worked well for us

Those cakes look lovely, although I can't help thinking that sponge with that icing would be overly sweet/sickly.

The gluten free fruit cake comes out tops

She is being unreasonable. But if I were at your wedding I'd make a beeline for the fruitcake and ignore the sponge.

Never had a dry one that has been made professionally, not sure why people are saying that.

Those M&S fruit cakes are just wrong. Fruit cakes should have royal icing and marzipan, not that filthy fondant crap.

If she actually buys and brings her own small cake she will look (fruit)batshit crazy!

Important that DH is willing to stand up to his mother, and to prioritise your relationship over appeasing her. Perhaps talk about the issues in general, and how you’ll manage them as a couple.

I have parents who can be challenging in similar ways and learned to do this, for example wouldn’t share many details of wedding or other plans. DH and my sibling call it “information management”.

When was younger, and through the first few years of marriage, I often didn’t get it. DH sometimes got cross/spelled out the problem. And vice versa for other issues with his parents. We often used to fall out over our respective parents. Now it’s v rare.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g - American ' fruitcake's is a godawful, inedible mishmash of candied fruit and sweet cement. There are jokes about the same fruitcake lasting years, gifted and regifted down the generations. It bears no resemblance to British, Irish and Nova Scotia fruitcake but sadly these lovely cakes share the name with the American travesty, and as a result, many Americans won't even try a bit of a nice Christmas cake.

You would be surprised how many Americans believe mince pies are made with meat, not fruit, and can't understand why they are considered a dessert.

There are so many other things worth getting in a tizzy's over. Let her have some flipping fruit cake.

I hate all those different wedding cakes. I live in the US so they are frequently too sweet and too sickly. I actually like fruitcake and if I had had a wedding cake I would have had that or a croquembouche.

Not her wedding not her choice. Your future husband needs to have a word

Thank you, thumbwitchesabroad!

I just remembered that there used to be a tradition / superstition of sleeping with a slice of wedding cake under your pillow so as to dream of your future spouse!

She will look like a twat let her do it. Bet she doesn't though

I like fruit cake but your MIL sounds like one.

Just tell her you'll have one and then don't. If she makes a scene about it at the wedding she is irredeemable anyway.

I'd have a fruit cake tier at the top so it's the smallest. Just make sure it's supported well inside with dowels as fruit is heavy.

Our cake was a combination of home made ( I make a gorgeously drunk fruit cake) and Waitrose. I flat iced it and decorated it with roses. It came in at an impressive £150.

Fruit cake is traditional. I love all cakes so I'd have a selection so I could feast.

My mum done this at my wedding. I had a lovely chocolate wedding cake and she insisted on getting 2 Marks and spencer fruit cakes to be offered to her friends and old aunts as 'chocolate cake isn't a proper wedding cake'. It didn't go on the cake table for cutting but it was available with the tea/coffee ( which she was also insistent on as 'people need tea at a wedding or they will talk about us')

M&S do a block cake fruit cake bar fairly cheap. And round ones so why not get one of them for the old people who will expect the old tradition. Doesn't ruin your wedding cake but you can dish it out from under the counter.

Oh it’s ridiculous and I’m with you but in a bid to keep the peace I would suggest a tiny fruitcake tier. I know it’s silly but fuck it, she’ll be your MIL for a very long time and you won’t gibe a shit on the day. Have a lovely wedding x

The only good thing about fruit cake is that it lasts for decades and that was important years ago. It's relatively modern in the history of wedding cakes which go back to the Romans.

From Wiki if you really want to go traditional... 🤣
During the 16th century to the 17th century, the “bride's pie” was served at most weddings. Different from the modern sweet wedding cake, bride pie is savoury. Bride pie is a pie with pastry crust and filled an assortment of oysters, lamb testicles, pine kernels, cocks' combs from Robert May's 1685 recipe. For May's recipe, there is a compartment of bride pie which filled with live birds or a snake for the guests to pass way the time in a wedding when they cut up the pie at the table. Guests were expected to have a piece out of politeness. It was considered very rude and bad luck not to eat the bride's pie.

My father always insisted on a fruit cake at Christmas because "it's traditional"; nobody ever had more than one slice for politeness even though my mother was a fantastic cook, it just wasn't what people liked. I still remember my friends' amazing wedding cake - four different flavours of gorgeously moist sponge.... mmmmmmmmm...

It makes me think of the grooms cake in Steel Magnolias.
I do like a nice piece of fruitcake, and find sponge a bit dry if its not been made well. I am aware I am in the minority here.
I guess, as with kids, choose your battles. If she and a handful of guests would love fruitcake, I’d let her bring her cake. I wouldn’t cut it, like you do your wedding cake, but have it as one of the puddings available on the day.
I hope you have a lovely day, for the right reasons, ie with lots of happy memories

I get she is annoying. But it is traditional to have fruit cake. I get you don't like it but on this occasion she is right. A small one won't hurt and
You should have one tier as fruit cake as you are supposed to save it for your first child's christening. X

I'm young and I love fruit cake. 🎂

We got married 27 years ago. I hate fruitcake so we had a beautiful croquembouche. It was memorable and delicious