MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

Italiangreyhound - I've made that Mary Berry cake. It's the best fruit cake ever - the pineapple makes all the difference. The only thing is that you have to be very careful not to curdle the egg mixture - which is what happened the first time I tried to make it.

That Mary Berry genoa cake sounds good. A bit like a blingy version of Dundee cake? I love Dundee cake, haven't made/eaten one for years.

It's odd how fruitcake has fallen out of fashion. I believe Americans hardly ever eat it and find mince pies unpalatable as well. Is it that if you don't grow up eating dark, spicy, vinefruity cakes/mixtures your palate can't cope with them? Or are there are a lot of duff fruitcakes about that have put people off? If so, I've been lucky.

Ok, at my wedding last year a dear friend wanted to make me a fruit cake as a gift, I was making my own cake so I said she could make it but no decorating other than the white icing which matched my cake, on the day I decorated her cake with the same flowers as my cake and put it on the table with my cake, if people asked why 2 cakes I said the fruit cake had alcohol and wasn't vegan whereas mine had no alcohol and was vegan, the caterers just cut it in the kitchen and served the cakes on the buffet so people could just take what they wanted.

My MIL tried this stunt. Nope.

We had a lovely lime and coconut sponge instead. It survived being taken home by lots of guests. We took nearly an entire tier in our suitcase to Spain. And the top tier froze nicely and was lovely on our first anniversary.

I believe the reason it is so good for things like weddings is you can cut it quite small and it holds it shape. It doesn't start to dry out like others do. Oh now I really want some!

"lime and coconut sponge" also sounds amazing.

Fruit cake is traditional because you used to store a layer and eat it together on your first anniversary. Another tradition was to put a bit away and never eat it.

lobsteroll I work in this industry and I can't tell you how many couples end up fighting with parents about fruit cake 🤣 I suppose because it was just "the thing to have" for their generation.

I am that generation, it's the new measure of age - I'm a fruitcake wedding cake person Sales will probably soar at the weekend.

In the days of fruitcake wedding cakes, cakes took ages to ice and a fruitcake often improves as it matures and the solid royal-type icing keeps it fresh as well. If you are used to that sort of cake, you do wonder how fresh a sponge cake would be especially if you wouldn't bake that type of cake ahead of time at home. But they are available in shops as you can buy celebration sponge cakes so it is possible point this out as and when necessary to MIL

@crispysausagerolls - for me, a compromise involves both parties losing a bit - so substituting fruit cake for one layer of the sponge cakes in the wedding cake would be a compromise. But having an ancillary fruit cake doesn’t take anything away from the OP or her special cake, and is a nice thing to do for the MIL, so doesn’t really seem like a compromise to me.

” You really need to reconsider you values. "Unfortunately" should never precede "there was cake" in a sentence. And as for "they really didn't need more cake" - well, I just don't know where to start with this.”

I couldn’t agree more, @GCAcademic. I had to have a bit of a lie-down after I read that!

We took nearly an entire tier in our suitcase to Spain

WHY DIDNT WE DO THIS?!?!?! You bloody GENIUS!

Coconut and lime sounds fantastic I agree to the PP. Yum. We had one rose and raspberry, one pistachio, one chocolate. It was actually 3 cakes but the pink one was the display one and the others were in kitchen and served everyone 1 of each. Fuck me I could use some cake now!

@SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius

I would feel like I was losing something if I had an additional wedding cake at my wedding that I didn’t want there! I think MIL’s approach is to blame here, really. Ancillary cake might have been ok if not essentially thrown in as a tantrum!

Seriously? No fucking way!
This reminds me my MIL when she arrived to our wedding we had in Europe capital. We had a rehearsal dinner the night before in a luxurious restaurant in Prague and she refused to eat the food as she was worried that it may not be ,,right for her..
So went to McDonald’s to buy her burger she never ever eats normally but at least she she knew what is inside...
The dinner in the restaurant was a pork steak and potato salad btw.

Fair point, @crispysausagerolls.

And I am full of admiration for a suitcase full of cake.

@ChicCroissant - my own mother insisted as well! I rather like a bit of fruit cake myself so I didn't mind but I know it's not everyone's favourite so we had a bit of everything. We actually made the fruit layers in her Aga and the biggest one took about a week to cook 🤣 and we've still got some in the freezer 6 years and 2 christenings later 🙈🙈

The suggestion to let your MIL have her cake, but kept out of sight and brought out sliced up when the proper cake is served, is a very good one.

Honestly it’s not worth letting this be a cloud over your day, sometimes you have to pick your battles. You’ll look back on it and realise just how insignificant this actually is

I bloody love a really good fruit cake with marzipan and icing - can't beat a good home-made Christmas or wedding cake. I don't like sponge and especially loathe fondant icing. But anyway, as has been suggested, you could have fruit as the top tier and sponge for the others. This would keep everyone happy (including me, if I were a guest!). I've just remembered that my own dear mother refused to have one of the buttonholes we'd ordered for our wedding any turned up with her own flower pinned on her dress. It was the wrong colour and looked ridiculous, but I didn't have the energy to challenge her and it was her petty way of not being told what flowers to wear. But, as I say, it was a very small detail that kept her happy and did not spoil my enjoyment of our special day in the least! This seems to be your MIL's attempt at the same thing. Let her have a bit of fruit cake, with good grace. Put your foot down in future about something that actually matters! baby names

I can't even remember what kind of cake we had! I think it was a fruitcake, but it wasn't the highlight of the day :)

My DS just had his wedding and he and his lovely bride had a huge pile of gorgeous Crosstown doughnuts. Wow they were yum! Only problem was that there were some left over and they just don't keep like cake.

Yeah my MIL insisted that there should be an egg free cake at our wedding. She also picked out the second vegetarian option. DH wanted this so she could feel included. We had a nice cake with eggs as well.
The egg free cake wasn't displayed and the caterers just cut it and had a few pieces for people to take. It worked out fine. But only because I didn't care too much (and the egg free cake made sense for MIL's family)

If this is something you really care about then absolutely fight your corner. Otherwise there's no real harm in allowing it. (Your future DH has kind of taken the lead now though and you risk coming across as the bad guy now if you change.)

Do not allow her to bring her own cake! It’s not really about the cake! It’s about control. Set your boundaries now. The more you allow, the lore difficult it will become.

*more

and they just don't keep like cake.

Cake keeps???

"Very few people nowadays seem to like fruitcake...it's quite dated."

Three years ago we would have said the same about Gin.

The shops were full of fruitcake all over Christmas and they were selling as well as the yule logs were. It can't all be the older generation eating it.

If it was my Mother and I had elderly relatives coming, I'd go with the M&S suggestion. We carry associations with food.

MirandaGoshawk, I know a woman who did that. When the photos get looked at, she now feels ashamed. Especially when her grandchildren ask why she had a different colour. Give her DD her due, she said it was to signify the MOTB while they were young.

We had my MIL's crappy, dry, homemade chocolate cake because it's my DH's favourite and I'm not too fussed about cake. It's really down to how bothered you are by the imposition and assumption.