MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

OK providing them with cake you know they like. Is that OK with you?

Are there hoards of sponge cake haters out there or something? Who knew?

I don’t get this group of older people for whom the high point of the wedding is fruitcake (but no other kind). Last I checked, fruitcake was widely available and not prohibitively expensive. They could have it for breakfast everyday if they wished.

And no, individual preferences (as opposed to dietary needs) aren’t usually catered to. If the B&G are serving chicken, it’s not normal to throw your toys out of the pram because you’re slightly more fond of beef.

In the interests of calming what is become a quite divisive discussion, can I suggest that we take a pause and remember one of the guiding principles and truths of life?

You can never have enough cake. Or too many varieties.

I really cannot see the harm in this (only read the first two and last two pages, so apologies if mil has murdered someone or something in the pages between!). You get your lovely posh cake, she spends her money on a fruitcake that can be kept backstage for anyone that desperately wants fruitcake. Tell her it’s staying in the kitchen while your cake is shown off in all its glory on the stand. And I really don’t see how your fiancé has allowed her anything particularly- she’s offering to have another cake backstage for the eventuality of someone not wanting choc cake (or whatever you choose), and he’s said ok. It’s not a bad thing to cover all bases, surely. I’d be impressed you had a back up fruit cake for those that preferred it. Insisting everyone has your cake if they don’t like it would be strange.

(ps, We had a m&s cake, it was gorgeous, we buy another top tier on our anniversary every year.)

@lebiscuit glad you don't put up with her shenanigans now.

Has OP actually confirmed that the grandparents don't like sponge cake? Or is this just something her MiL is claiming?

Ffs, life is far too short to argue over cake on what is supposed to be a day that celebrates love. Let her do a little cake for the old folk and if she looks stupid doing that, then that's her problem and you don't need to draw attention to it or stress about it.

it’s not normal to throw your toys out of the pram because you’re slightly more fond of beef. Has anyone thrown their toys out of the pram? I didn't read that bit.

GCAcademic that is very true and well worth remembering.

If you don’t put your foot down now you will be in for an utterly miserable future. She’ll try to call the shots if you ever have children, it’ll be bloody awful. You need to be firm.

DS and DiL had a chocolate wedding cake (about 15 years ago, when fruit cake was still the norm). They also had a very small fruit cake for those who didn't like chocolate. It was fine.
Just go to M and S, OP.

Either let her bring one or get one ready iced from M&S. Lots of people like fruit cake. Especially older guests. It goes well with cheese. It does't have to be part of the wedding cake that you cut.

@SoupDragon

What is it with the idiots bleating on about "the elderly"?

I wish I knew

Has anyone thrown their toys out of the pram?

Mil seems to be.

I believe that, in the US, it is a 'thing' to have a groom's cake as well as the wedding cake - if you got your baker to make a fruit cake as well, and called it the groom's cake, that might tick all the boxes - your fiance would have listened to his mum, there would be fruit cake for those that want it, the groom's cake could be decorated to match the wedding cake - but the real wedding cake, the centrepiece, would be the cake that you and your fiance want, @WrackspurtsAndNargles62442.

the reason fruit cakes were used in wedding cakes is because they last longer and are hardier. Sponges can go off or be very damaged very easily.

And who on earth takes their future MIL to choose the dress? I've never heard of that.

I did!

I hope you all realise, whatever your tastes now, that when you reach 60/65 (or whatever arbitrary age MN decides is 'elderly') you will all hate sponge and only eat fruit cake.

In my culture the reception dress and the second wedding dress comes from the groom’s side and so you do need to go shopping with your mil.

"She came to a wedding fair with us"

YWBVVVU to take your future MIL to a wedding fair. The decisions about the wedding are for you and your fiancé to make, not for her to influence or control. I expect that has set the tone for her sense of entitlement over decisions about the wedding.

By all means have a small fruit cake if it makes her happy and doesn't bother you too much. That particularly issue is no big deal. But you need to put firmer boundaries in place. Most importantly, you and your fiancé need to be on the same page. If he's not willing to stand up to his mother about anyway, it's going to be a difficult marriage.

about anything

No, no, we will all be telling our DILs that we are going to get them a lovely light sponge, and she will be pissed off that we don't like her Pringles wedding cake.

Your DP needs to tell her what bus stop to get off at, because she missed her stop a few streets back.
Letting her share your wedding day only feeds her belief that because she has total control of her son, she now controls both of you. Does your DP still live with her, or did he move straight from home in with you? You need to push him to push back on her...and see where his allegiance really lies.

Pringles wedding cake. Now there’s an idea

She is being absurd, her and her friends can eat fruit cake at home anytime they like. One day of not having some will not give her fruit cake deficiency.
Pathetic behaviour. Fruit cake sucks anyway.

The M&S iced cake bar is a brilliant idea.

We had a small fruit cake and lots of sponge cup cakes (it was the fashion back then)

We took the fruit cake home and ate it for breakfast the next day. It was so tasty.