MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

How do you know “the vast majority” of your guests don’t like fruit cake? Is this something you have polled? Had a big round table discussion? Shoe-horned in to conversations? Posted on Facebook?!

I really wanted my Dd to have a wedding cake, she sorted it to be made by a friend of a friend - style, type of her choosing.

The night before her b/f was making a separate cake, as a gift, all light sponge and frilles. It was for later in the evening and to my mind a bit of a waste but who am I to say.

Anyway dd picked up wedding cake ......OMG it was a disaster 🤢 Dd laughed and said hay ho

Of course the friends frilly all layers home made cake was a perfect replacement

Op let her bring a fruit cake if she so wishes to contribute

Enjoy your day

She's probably just been at other weddings with her friends and family members and discussed it or noticed what was popular...

Tell her that your professional cake baker does not allow outside cakes to be also served at weddings she has been hired to do the cake for.

Many have this in their contract and most really dislike it as everyone assumes that any cake served was made by the same person.

My Mam insisted we have a fruit cake, we obliged. It travelled around the NE to the reception and was then taken home by my Mam, still uncut. We eventually through most of it out 10 years later when we moved. My son and his wife have a tower of cheese, I was upset to miss it as I was looking after my granddaughter when they put it out. Traditions change.

Why does OP have to be kind? Why doesn't MiL have to be kind....you know because it's not her wedding?

Maybe the MIL is being kind? To the elderly grandparents the OP mentioned in her opening post.

He should be aiming for a quiet life with his future wife, not his mother

Or both.

Even if you’d chosen to have a marmite wedding cake - such a thing probably exists- a guest rocking up at a wedding with an extra cake is just rude, whether that guest is your mother, your MIL or Jo from Accounts. It’s not the cake, it’s the implication that your cake isn’t good enough/right so she brought another one.

For the sake of peace I’d get ahead of it and buy a plain wedding cake from M&S and have the caterers slice it too. Otherwise you’re going to have your MIL telling all your guests that they don’t have to have your cake and there’s fruitcake because she bought one.

I was going to suggest that you buy some fruit cake bars from M&S or whatever to cut up - but then I read MIL wants to buy some fruit cake.

What's the big deal? When you cut your cake you can put out a platter of your cake and a platter of fruitcake. People can pick up whichever cake they prefer. No biggy. If you don't like fruit cake don't choose it.

Onionface I don't think those examples are comparable; there is a long tradition of fruit cake for weddings and mil won't just be thinking of what she wants but what some of her relatives are likely to expect. She might be horrendously interfering or she might just want to feel it is done "properly" - she may well have heard discussions of weddings for years, and no want the fruitcakeless-cake to be what her family remember about the day!

I think the cake may have to have an "accident" on the day.

YANBU fruit cake is rank and my heart sinks a little when it's fruit cake at weddings

if it keeps the mad old bat happy then what's the harm really?
Because it wont stop with this cake.

Interesting to see the differing opinions! Those of you that have said this is not just about a fruitcake are right - it's about her interference and the idea that this might continue during our married life. I think the idea of letting her do it but telling the caterers to keep it in the kitchen and only bring out a slice or two if it's asked for is probably a good peace keeping option. But as I say I do want to put a stop to things like this in general, I don't want to make a habit of appeasing her just for a quiet life. I think a discussion with DP is in order tonight to at least let him know I'm not happy and am considering whether we should allow this or not.

It's worth talking to your DP first, to see how much he was thinking of letting his mum do to keep the peace.

But if you do go ahead and allow the cake, I agree with others to have it to one side cut up for those who want it. Perhaps making it clear in advance to MIL that you won't be doing any official cutting ceremony for anything other than the cake chosen by you and your DP.

But really, you go to a wedding and accept what's on offer. Taking your own is just not on, as it's not like a dietary requirement, is it?

The elderly people getting a free three course meal with some drinks? @GCAcademic I think they should be bloody grateful and pop into the shop after the wedding to indulge in fruit cake if they honestly can't live without it.

You do know that none of this matters don't you. In the long run the only thing that matters about the day is the promises you make to each other and that going forward you support each other, work through any shit and keep those promises.

Do not allow this. What a shame for you to spend an absolute fortune on cakes and catering for her to ruin in by placing some cheap shop bought cake out for people to eat. It is also beyond rude of her. If she wants a fruit cake then she should buy one to enjoy at home.

I think you need to sit her down and explain to her that it's your wedding your way. You appreciate a bit of help but you won't be bulldozed. If you say no, it means no. If she can't accept that then she'll find herself on the outside of wedding planning.

Let her provide the fruit cake. You can never have too much cake at a wedding reception. I made separate fruit cakes for my reception (un-iced) and not the one that I cut into. I put the fruit cakes next to the cheese board - winning combination.

Sorry haven’t RYFT so this may have been mentioned.

1. If you want fruit cake as a top tier make sure your cake maker knows their stuff. Fruit cake is obviously much heavier than sponge so they need to ensure there’s sufficient support. Heard a terrible story from one of my cake decorating students about an inexperienced cake decorator who did this, didn’t add sufficient support, stacked it then transported it to the venue and the whole thing collapsed under the weight. Not what you want.

2. You could ask the cake decorator to make a small fruit sheet cake, ice the top to match the main cake and put it out with the sliced cake. It’s a common request (people do this with sponge cake too if the cake they want isn’t big enough for all the guests). Once it’s cut into pieces you’d never know it wasn’t part of the main cake.

I think @flouncyfanny has the best idea. We had 3 tiers, chocolate biscuit, lemon, and jam and buttercream because they are our favourites. All decorated with buttercream because we don't like fondant. Have what you want!

Another thought. Lie and tell her one tier is fruit.

I'm in my 40's and LOVE fruit cake. I don't consider it dated, maybe out of fashion but not dated.

I love a good piece of wedding cake and will admit to being disappointed with dried up sponge cake when it arrives!

I was told before my wedding not to have fruit cake as no one liked it but those I asked who I cared about all said they liked it.

Have what you want but don't make it into a bigger issue. Trust me weddings take patience all round.

@mrsBtheparker

Mine was finished last week. I've now just put some fruit to steep for another one!

There seems to be a lot of posters who despise their MIL. It seems to me that the vitriol being spewed out here (masquerading as advice) by some posters, is more about their own problems than the poor fruitcake which is getting a bashing.

#don'tblameitonthefruitcake

Fruit cake is the worst.
Ok OP, foot down now.

I love fruit cake. When my DS and DIL were getting married I was asked to bake their wedding cake.
DIL suggested three tiers of different sponge cakes. I was shocked she didn’t want a rich fruit cake. DIL very kindly said I could do a fourth tier of fruit cake if I wanted but said it wouldn’t be popular with most of their guests.
I baked the fourth tier fruit cake but kept it at home as I understood it was their wedding and they got to have the day and its details.