MIL insisting on fruit cake for wedding

[WrackspurtsAndNargles62442]

Yes, another MIL (-to-be) thread, sorry. MIL does, I believe, have her heart in the right place but can be quite overbearing/interfering. This has been particularly apparent as we've been planning our wedding e.g. saying 'don't invite this distant family member you've never met' as if it should have crossed our minds to (it didn't), or bumping into an old, no longer in contact friend of DP and telling him to expect an invite! She came to a wedding fair with us and proceeded to point out all the stools we should go to, who to speak to and not etc. I deliberately didn't invite her to come wedding dress shopping (though I know she expected to be) because I knew no-one else would get a word in edgeways and I'd be pressured into trying on dresses I didn't like.
Anyway, the latest thing is the cake. We've found a lovely lady who makes gorgeous looking cakes and she's coming round tonight with samples for us to taste! We've asked to try flavours we like ourselves but of course also considered what will be popular with guests. One thing we've said we don't want, however, is fruit cake - neither of us like it and the vast majority of our guests don't either - the exception being MIL and a couple of grandparents. Obviously we don't want to pay for something that caters to only a few people (especially as I'm sure they would be fine with something else). MIL has now said she is going to go to the supermarket and buy a fruitcake for guests to have on the day. DP has 'allowed' this to, in his words, keep her happy.
AIBU to feel really annoyed about this? I know it seems fairly trivial on the surface but to me it's a symbol of her interference and inability to let us decide things for ourselves. Would IBU to tell her we don't want her buying a cheap supermarket cake when we're having a lovely one made? Or would you just let this one go for the sake of peace?

It would be as kind as, say, ensuring that there were slices of celebratory gluten-free cake available if you knew that you might have a coeliac guest coming.

No, it wouldn't. Dietary requirements are not the same as personal preferences. Ensuring there is some cake that everybody can eat is kind. Providing extra cake because someone prefers one type over another is ridiculous. What if the best man wants chocolate cake, and the mother of the bride would like some battenburg. Where does it end?!

I said 'might', not 'will'.

Is it just me who wants to go and make a fruit cake now?

I sit here now with a coffee and a slice of the aforementioned Christmas cake topped with a slice of Wensleydale, a habit learned from my Tyke OH.

The people suggesting compromise - is it just because it's traditional to have fruitcake at a wedding?

Would you also suggest adding more options to the food courses if the MIL wasn't that keen on salmon and would prefer a steak? Is she allowed to suggest having champagne instead of prosecco for the toasts because she prefers it? It's insane.

Your day so your choice. Start off with mil as you mean to go on. I say this as a fruitcake lover.

I had three cakes on a spiral stand; the biggest one was sponge, then chocolate and the smallest was fruit as I like sponge, dh likes chocolate and anyone who likes fruit could have a piece of that one.

@diddl he isn't okay with it, he agreed for a quiet life! I don't think that's the same thing.

@Dragonembroidery Are you my MIL?

It is very rude of her, but it doesn't have to turn into a bun fight. She's in your life now so best start off nicely if you can, and so far you seem to have dealt with her overbearing personality really well.

People sometimes have layers of different things on their wedding cakes, I know someone who opted for a whole cheese layer, so why not a fruit cake layer for the oldies to make them feel special?

i love a fresh fruit cake.

Saying that though it’s you and your dh to be day so it’s really up to you, but would it be a problem to have a small cake made ?

I had the same issue, though my MiL is not one to actually come out and say much, she just sort of sniffs and looks a bit pained. We actually weren't going to have a cake.

I found out speaking to friends that the reason for her reaction is that it is traditional to freeze the top tier and then eat it at the christening of your first born. No pressure :) In our case I think it had much less to do with what cake people actually like to eat than with this side of things.

We had a red velvet cake in the end, which we hardly ate any of because we forgot to give the caterers instructions for it, and they didn't make it.

Whether or not you like fruit cake is totally irrelevant. You have chosen one cake, she wants to bring another. Totally inappropriate and your future DH needs to tell her.

I also love fruit cake. A properly made fruited wedding cake is a joy, like some @Settlersofcatan I’m sad it’s out of fashion at the moment. I had fruit cake at my wedding 20yrs ago when multiple different layers were just becoming ‘the thing’. Actually, croquembouche was the big deal in those days.

However, fruitcake isn’t really the issue here and of course you should have the wedding you and your DP want. It’s nice that your MIL is excited about the wedding but that doesn’t mean she can ride roughshod over your wishes.

I do think some of the ideas re having a small fruitcake tier or having a small, plain M&S or whatever readymade cake behind the scenes that fruitcake fans or traditionalists can have a bit of, is a nice thought.

Just be glad she isnt from east yorkshire, our grannys eat fruit cake with cheese.

Oh god, fruitcake is AMAZING with cheese

(I’m not from Yorkshire)

My DD's MIL was adamant they should have a cheese tower at their wedding. DD really didn't want one but her MIL got her way and organised and paid for it. I didn't even see it on the day, I've no idea where it was displayed, and hardly anyone had any. Cue next morning MIL palming off huge chunks of cheese on everyone!

Wow just stop involving her!!! Do you actually need her help or are you just being nice? I think you've involved her to the point where she thinks it's 'her' wedding too!

Have you considered the safety implications of a stampede of old dears as they scramble for a bit of manky fruitcake?

our grannys eat fruit cake with cheese . or some cream cheese can be added to the cream.

or maybe you will give a small fruit cake with your wedding cake and it will be finished before the w. cake.

i am not helpful i know, sorry.

Why does OP have to be kind? Why doesn't MiL have to be kind....you know because it's not her wedding?

Why is everbody suddenly out dying on hills?

I do not see the problem here at all. Bit of fruit cake in the kitchen for the caterers to serve to whoever requests it. You don't even have to pay for it. Who cares you're marrying her son, just let the woman eat a bit of fruit cake.

he isn't okay with it, he agreed for a quiet life! I don't think that's the same thing.

He should be aiming for a quiet life with his future wife, not his mother 😉