Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s rude to take one look at the dinner I have cooked then get lots of condiments for it.

561 replies

Wasail · 29/01/2020 22:32

I spend time preparing a meal that is tasty and balanced, H takes one look at it, doesn’t taste it or anything, just gets his collection of condiments from the fridge and smothers his dinner.
We are talking things like truffle mayo ( he is a bit wanky with his condiment collection) so things that will fundamentally change the flavour of the meal. And no, I didn’t make fish and chips. ketchup or mayo, not both, would be acceptable in that case.
I think it’s unbelievably rude of him, he thinks it’s perfectly fine.

OP posts:
NoseyBuggerMummy · 30/01/2020 18:11

@FamilyOfAliens Of course what is acceptable at a dinner party is different to what is acceptable at home. If I've had a long day at work I might change into my PJ's and eat dinner like that because it's my home but I wouldn't go to a dinner party like that!

OP knows her husband doesn't have a delicate pallet and he likes ketchup on everything so she should know it's nothing to do with her cooking. A dinner party host might not know this and would then take offence. If the host knew DH well enough to know he likes everything covered in ketchup they would probably just offer it to him.

Original poster
Wasail · 30/01/2020 18:11

Zerofuchs my parents used to call that thousand island dressing when I was a kid. I know that technically its not but I tell DS now that he is having thousand island dressing when he mixes mayo and ketchup.

OP posts:
DeRigueurMortis · 30/01/2020 18:11

I would also get a guest anything they wanted. It would be bad hosting not to.

So would I whilst admittedly being internally utterly judgemental if they were asking for tomato ketchup or similar to go with the lamb tagine I'd spent 3 hours making but I'd never let them know that....

If that makes me a food snob then I can live with that Grin

mbosnz · 30/01/2020 18:13

Wasail, when I suggested just handing him a bowl of plain unsalted pasta and a bottle of ketchup and telling him to go hard - this is what a friend back in uni days did to a flatmate auto-condimenter who completely enraged him with shaking salt and pepper and heaving ketchup over his slaved over spaghetti bolognese. . . . Grin

mbosnz · 30/01/2020 18:14

So would I whilst admittedly being internally utterly judgemental if they were asking for tomato ketchup or similar to go with the lamb tagine I'd spent 3 hours making but I'd never let them know that....

I'd be crying a little inside. . .

Topseyt · 30/01/2020 18:19

I can't for the life of me see why it should be considered rude for someone to put whatever condiments they like on their food, whether they have tasted it first or not!

In this house food is just plonked on the table an everyone does as they wish with it. Sauce and mayonnaise are often used together on the same plate. Why is it an issue?

Perhaps we are just uncouth, but I am happy to remain that way and have fairly relaxed mealtimes, not battlegrounds full of nitpicking about condiments. I can't say I even notice or care what others put on their food.

mbosnz · 30/01/2020 18:24

@DeRigueurMortis

Please do come to dinner!! Grin

DeRigueurMortis · 30/01/2020 18:28

@mbosnz

You can come to me Grin

FamilyOfAliens · 30/01/2020 18:40

OP knows her husband doesn't have a delicate pallet and he likes ketchup on everything so she should know it's nothing to do with her cooking. A dinner party host might not know this and would then take offence.

So how likely do we think it that the DH would ask the host for some tomato ketchup and explain that he has it on everything and it’s no reflection on her cooking? I bet he wouldn’t as it would be considered rude.

And yet the OP said she finds it rude but for some reason that’s perfectly ok?

Mollymopple · 30/01/2020 18:48

My DH also does this! I also get annoyed, for the same reasons....I tell him it is rude. He tends to slap so much sauce on that it must completely mask any of the flavours that I have put the effort into cooking. Not that I'm the best cook but just feel it isn't a good habit. If Jamie Oliver cooked you an amazing meal with lots of flavour would you chuck a bottle of ketchup over the top? I don't want the kids to copy either because if the amount of sugar in condiments. ( we worked out that was the reason for his weight gain too)

ferrier · 30/01/2020 20:11

DH clearly has a palate that likes strong flavours and with the best will in the world, fish roulade with cheese sauce ain't going to fit that bill.
If I had guests and they asked for condiments of any kind, I'd be happy to supply if I had them. I know it's not a slight on my cooking just as I know when something I've made is really tasty and when it's just OK.

HolesinTheSoles · 30/01/2020 20:23

So how likely do we think it that the DH would ask the host for some tomato ketchup and explain that he has it on everything and it’s no reflection on her cooking? I bet he wouldn’t as it would be considered rude.

Yes it's rude at a dinner party since you're a guest and you should accept what you're given even if you don't really like it. If the food was covered in garlic and I hated garlic I wouldn't tell the host I'd just grit my teeth and eat it so as not to be rude. If DH constantly added an ingredient I didn't like while cooking I'd tell him. Surely you understand there are things that you should be able to do in the comfort of your own home which would be considered rude at a dinner party?

FamilyOfAliens · 30/01/2020 20:26

If I had guests and they asked for condiments of any kind, I'd be happy to supply if I had them.

So if you had prepared a delicious dinner where you’d thought really carefully about how everything tasted and what would be pleasant for your guests to eat, you’d be happy if someone asked for truffle mayo and proceeded to smother their food with it before they’d even tasted it?

Because that’s what the OP said her DH does and I’d find that incredibly rude if I was the host.

LynnTheseAreSexPeople · 30/01/2020 20:26

@FamilyOfAliens Seriously? You think the etiquette required at a formal dinner party is the same as at a family dinner? You're meant to be much more comfortable to do what you want at your dinner table at home then you would be at a dinner party!

mbosnz · 30/01/2020 20:30

I think that courtesy to the cook is owed regardless of whether you're at a dinner party or at home. Or otherwise you run the risk that the cook won't cook again. . .

FamilyOfAliens · 30/01/2020 20:30

Surely you understand there are things that you should be able to do in the comfort of your own home which would be considered rude at a dinner party?

What, like continue to do something your wife has told you she finds rude just because you’re in “the comfort of your own home”?

FamilyOfAliens · 30/01/2020 20:32

You think the etiquette required at a formal dinner party is the same as at a family dinner?

Rude is rude, it doesn’t matter how formal or informal the occasion is.

LynnTheseAreSexPeople · 30/01/2020 20:35

Rude is rude, it doesn’t matter how formal or informal the occasion is.

Don't be daft of course it isn't. As a PP it's not rude to have dinner in scruffy tracksuit at home it would be rude to turn up to a formal dinner party like that. DH clearly doesn't enjoy OP's cooking. He only likes strong, simple flavours like ketchup. It's probably just because he has childish tastes not because of OP's cooking. When he's out at a dinner party he should just eat the food even if he doesn't really like it because it's a one off. When at home he should have food he actually likes because it's every night of the week.

HolesinTheSoles · 30/01/2020 20:39

HolesinTheSoles

Yes he should be able to eat as he decides in his own home. Forcing him to try the food (he's obviously tried OP's cooking plenty of times and knows whether or not he wants ketchup on it) before having it as he likes it is petty. Yes it would be nicer if he appreciated decent cooking but he doesn't. Pretending he likes it without ketchup won't make OP feel any better in the long run.

JuanSheetIsPlenty · 30/01/2020 20:39

Is it just me that doesn’t give a fuck what other people put in their mouths? Confused MN is obsessed with what other people eat. Do people seriously invest so much emotion into a meal that they’re offended when someone else’s tastebuds don’t behave the same as theirs? They take it as a personal insult! Confused “you must like what I think is nice our you’re rude”

Ridiculous. Cook what you want to eat. Enjoy your food. Stop giving. Fuck whether nearby tastebuds like it too.

FamilyOfAliens · 30/01/2020 20:45

Don't be daft of course it isn't.

The OP has said she finds it rude. Are you saying she’s wrong?

PatellarTendonitis · 30/01/2020 20:52

So if you had prepared a delicious dinner where you’d thought really carefully about how everything tasted and what would be pleasant for your guests to eat, you’d be happy if someone asked for truffle mayo and proceeded to smother their food with it before they’d even tasted it?

Yep, it wouldn't bother me a jot. I want my guests to enjoy their food. It's not about me, it's about them. If I were that easily offended and huffy I'd not bother cooking for people. Demanding they do things my way is rude to me, and controlling AF.

I agree, JuanSheet.

HeckyPeck · 30/01/2020 20:54

“you must like what I think is nice our you’re rude”

Haha, yep. Agreed that’s a bizarre way to think!

FamilyOfAliens · 30/01/2020 20:55

Yep, it wouldn't bother me a jot.

Hmm
MiniEggAddiction · 30/01/2020 20:58

Oh my god surely after so many years of marriage you would have worked out that DH just isn't into food. He doesn't appreciate delicate flavours and just wants to put ketchup over everything. It's clearly a waste of time cooking something subtle for his benefit, it's an even bigger waste of time trying to force him to pretend to enjoy the subtle flavour when you both know he doesn't. Cook him something simple and easy or cook something you want to eat and do it for your own benefit - don't pretend you're doing it to be kind to DH when he clearly won't enjoy the benefit of your effort.