To not feel sorry for colleague ripped off at strip club?

[Bibbiditybobbidy]

30 year old colleague went to a well known strip club on a stag do, and woke up the next day with £7k missing from bank acct.
He was so drunk it appears he managed to spend all that without knowing. When he complained they sent him evidence of himself ( CCTV) at the bar authorising each transaction, times receipts etc
He parents have had to lend him ££ as he’s at his over draft limit and he’s paying them back.
He’s weeping and wailing about it but I just think he’s been an arse and should learn as lesson AIBU? He’s getting lots of sympathy about the ‘injustice’ of it in the office... but he's exactly the kind of guy to show off in front of his mates playing the big man, while he’s actually a bit of a beta male...I have NO sympathy for him, the little creep!

[SoupDragon]

False analogy.

No it isn't.

[needanewnamechange]

If it was me ( not that it wouldn't be ) I'd be too embarrassed to tell anyone. It's the sort of story you may hear about someone and laugh and say you daft sod .
Some people these days even when they have done something stupid they won't just own it and move on . don't declare some sort of injustice because you are just making yourself look more ridiculous.

[Herringbone31]

To people above. It IS ILLEGAL to sell an intoxicated person an alcoholic drink in the uk.

www.gov.uk/government/publications/2010-to-2015-government-policy-alcohol-sales/2010-to-2015-government-policy-alcohol-sales

[KundaliniRising]

I actually laughed at this, serves him right for using women as a commodity.

[Cam77]

@soupdragon
If you can type in your card details and make intelligent orders at a bar, without swaying or passing out on the floor, you’d likely be considered sober enough to buy a drink and sober enough to consent to sex as well.

The issue of sexual consent is mostly aimed at preventing the “but she didn’t say no” line of agreement used by sexual predators. Of course, there are borderline cases, but your analogy is flawed. Going on a spending spree when being pissed off your nut is not comparable to having someone climb on top of you when you have not given any verbal sign of consent in a rrpeasonably sober fashion - Consenting to penetrative sex is rightly held to a higher legal standard than buying a mars bar or indeed buying a lap dance. This is where your argument fails. If he was swaying on his feet and the manager verbally coerced him into sleeping with someone in the club, that would be a crime.

[MissB83]

Well that was a very expensive w*nk.

[Sagradafamiliar]

So he thought he should've got all those services for free, then. And all the drinks. Ripped off, my arse. I'd be cringing myself inside out and back again, sat listening to him whining about being scammed. And involving the police! 'Hello officer, I was trying to have a nice night exploiting women, I was using them purely as objects, making transactions but now I feel like the exploited one because I can't afford the transactions'. Clown!

[Sagradafamiliar]

Hearhooves This doesn't compare to rape. That's a really unfortunate, thoughtless parallel to make.

[HandsOffMyLangCleg]

Hearhooves This doesn't compare to rape. That's a really unfortunate, thoughtless parallel to make.

This

[cavabiensepasser]

HAHAHA! BRILLIANT!!!

I love it.

And YANBU.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

Cam77

Where's the difference though?

Either you are considered to be able to give consent whilst drunk or you're not.

Can anyone tell that he wasn't staggering if the CCTV only shows him stood at the bar?

He was taken advantage of due to being intoxicated. I don't think that's right, as I wouldn't think it right in any other circumstances either.

[Bibbiditybobbidy]

It’s NOT the club in trouble with its licence - that was £50k or similar- but it is a well know chain. Even I had heard of these places fleecing customers and of some of the girls being sex workers ( against the rules apparently) so I’m not surprised.
He’s a deffo beta male, not some alpha, so I think he got himself all caught up in it. There were about 30 of them in the group so I reckon he bought a few ‘rounds’ or similar not aware of the actual £££.
He’s a numpty.

[TheRealScousewife]

Typical ego maniac man.

Man wants to use women (drinks, attention, sex or the like) but thinks he should get it for free. He's then surprised to see that they used him back.

One of my favourite stories is about a massive creep my DH used to work with. He used to say god awful things about young girls and what he wanted to do with them. We all lived in Asia at the time and his behaviour was awful. He ploughed through young girls and women.

Then he fell in love with one of them, he bought a house in her name as it worked out better in the host country as she was a local and bought her a massive engagement ring. She then dumped him and kept the house as it was in his name. He now thinks women are out to shaft men for everything they can get. I'm glad there are women who have the lady balls to screw over horrible men.

[TheRealScousewife]

house in HER name.

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

This doesn't compare to rape

When did I compare it to rape?

I'm asking about consent - at what point is someone unable to give consent due to being too intoxicated?

[Bibbiditybobbidy]

It was him mum who told him he should try speaking to the police!! But the club sent so much info apparently this is clearly something they’ve had to deal with before...

[Hearhoovesthinkzebras]

Why does it matter what they are consenting to? If we agree that being drink renders you unable to give consent then why doesn't that apply to all circumstances where you are required to consent?

[Straycatstrut]

Why does it matter what they are consenting to? If we agree that being drink renders you unable to give consent then why doesn't that apply to all circumstances where you are required to consent?

I agree.

There comes a point where the person is unable to control themselves, and is just clearly being taken advantage of. You can argue that he brought it on himself (he drank that much) but then you'd have to apply that to all cases. You get drunk, what happens to you is your own fault.

In rape cases, many people have said "Just because she was drunk and flirty doesn't mean she consented"... "If she was drunk how could she possibly consent?"

CCTV should be able to prove how drunk he was.

[stouffer]

I’ve never got what it is that men get out of these places. I mean, what do they do, sit there and whack off into their pants? It’s like groups of men sitting watching porn together. Ew.

My relationship with some lads I went to school with never recovered after I declined to go to a lap dancing stag do with them. I think they thought I was being “woke” and up myself but I just didn’t see the point in it. That plasticised version of femininity is a colossal turn off for me I’m afraid, just in the same way that most porn is basically crap.

[Christmaspug]

How on earth could he spend that amount of money in one night ,that’s a trip around the world amount of money 😮

[Runnerduck34]

Can't really feel sorry for a twat in a strip club, however it does sound like the club took advantage of him, but on other hand men like him are often taking advantage of vulnerable young woman so quid pro quo I'd say. Hopefully he's learnt from it.

[Iwantacookie]

I do feel sorry for him as these places are very good at hiding how much a drink is. Paying a get out the club charge.
Its would be quite easy for someone to spend more than intended.
However, he chose to go there knowing that risk so he knew it could get expensive.

[AJPTaylor]

Some people you literally cannot muster sympathy for.
My all time go to is a twat I worked with many years ago who left his heavily pregnant wife and moved in with his shag buddy. She promptly persuaded him to put large amounts of an inheritance into her account to prevent his wife getting any of it. Then she simply disappeared.
People were still amused by this 20 years later.your colleague would do well to just shut up now.

[Cam77]

@Hearhoovesthinkzebras
Because legally there’s no such thing as “giving consent”. It depends give consent to what and in what condition. Should a bus or taxi driver refuse to allow people who have had three beers in the pub?