To not feel sorry for colleague ripped off at strip club?

[Bibbiditybobbidy]

30 year old colleague went to a well known strip club on a stag do, and woke up the next day with £7k missing from bank acct.
He was so drunk it appears he managed to spend all that without knowing. When he complained they sent him evidence of himself ( CCTV) at the bar authorising each transaction, times receipts etc
He parents have had to lend him ££ as he’s at his over draft limit and he’s paying them back.
He’s weeping and wailing about it but I just think he’s been an arse and should learn as lesson AIBU? He’s getting lots of sympathy about the ‘injustice’ of it in the office... but he's exactly the kind of guy to show off in front of his mates playing the big man, while he’s actually a bit of a beta male...I have NO sympathy for him, the little creep!

[Vulpine]

There was a group of women doing this in new york. The leader got imprisoned. There was a movie about it called hustle with j-lo. They drugged the men they ripped off.

[ginrummy1]

I deal with this a lot at my work. Guys claiming they haven't spent the money then when we investigate it all transactions have been made via chip and pin so there is absolutely no come back for the guys.
It is totally their own fault, playing the big guy in front of their mates. Having said that the strip clubs charge exorbitant amount for drinks,knowing full well the majority of the guys won't question it when the realise they've been made fools of in the cold light of day
Absolutely no sympathy for him

[ginrummy1]

Having said all that I have never seen anyone spend £7000 at a strip club, I'd say he was exaggerating

[AllergicToAMop]

Not only the club obviously shouldn't have sold him any more drinks as pp pointed out, I am also surprised the bank didn't intervene.
I once paid 35 quid on Groupon at 1 am and had my card blocked for security reasons. Had to call the bank who wanted to check if it was really me

[Sagradafamiliar]

When did I compare it to rape?

When you were talking about consent for sex. Non consensual sex is rape. You know this.

Why does it matter what they are consenting to?

I am done.

[AnArrestableOffence]

@Cam77
Consent does exist for one and we generally accept that intoxicated people can often act against their best interests.

Part of being a human is being able to parse this and I think you're being disingenuous in suggesting that you can't see the difference between someone getting a bus after 3 beers and a blackout drunk (blackout because he didn't remember spending the money) spending 7k.

Would you take 7k in cash from a drunk person? If you would, I think most people would agree that you were a "bad" person.
I don't know why a business would be judged differently

[Bibbiditybobbidy]

@ginrummy1 - oh, he isn't exaggerating! In fact he down played the amount at first... he's an open book, and friendly with lots of the girls in work ( who view him as a bit of a hapless younger bro type)

@christmaspug - yeah, it is big trip money, he was supposed to be going somewhere BIG this year but that's now on hold.

He has an item by item break down from the club - I haven't seen it others have - he just doesn't remember half of it but they were in the club for hours, it was a planned trip and the main 'event' of the stag do that day. I think he was the only one who got taken for a ride - either that or the others aren't keen to be pegged for it.

[wobytide]

To be honest, back in the day you'd have to buy a lot of dry roasted peanuts before the topless lady could be seen on the board. It was a lot of peanuts. And probably felt like £7k

[feelingverylazytoday]

It depends. If he spent it on dances and tipping the dancers then thats on him (and I'm glad they benefitted, as a PP said).
If he was 'persuaded' to spend it on alcoholic drinks at vastly inflated prices then he might have a case. If the strip club is a proper licensed business it needs to follow the rules.

[Bibbiditybobbidy]

@AllergicToAMop - he's pissed the bank let it all through- apparently it's all their fault. Or the girl's fault. Deffo not his fault for chucking his cash around in a strip club...

[SoupDragon]

If you can type in your card details and make intelligent orders at a bar, without swaying or passing out on the floor, you’d likely be considered sober enough to buy a drink and sober enough to consent to sex as well.

And?

No one on MN would say that a drunk woman "deserved it" in any scenario. That would be deemed "victim blaming".

[SoupDragon]

The issue of sexual consent...

Please point out where I mentioned anything about sexual consent.

[KiraMira]

Did this happen at Spearmint Rhino by any chance? It happened to someone I know too..except they spent £12k! When they went back the next day the club was equipped and waiting for him with all sorts of evidence too. Like they knew he would come back and question what happened. He has no recollection of it either.

[CorneliusBeefington]

I was a stripper for a long time. It was common for men to come in, spend large amounts, and then phone the bank and query it in the morning because they didn't think they should have to pay.

Every club I worked in had CCTV (with sound) as a requirement of the license. Every transaction had to be checked by the customer before it was authorised. (If this was a chain club, it will likely have similar licensing rules.

If it was all on CCTV, with sound, and receipts, the customer has no come back to "i didn't know what I was spending".

I have seen men spend tens of thousands.

It is not a moral business, its men, buying pretty women. Its women who have realised they can and are able to sell the right to look at their naked body (in a safer environment) and have taken this man for every penny they can, which is literally their job.

[Bibbiditybobbidy]

@KiraMira yup! Funny thing is is seems most of the guys at work seem to know someone who got taken for a ride in similar ways in clubs! Friend of friends etc... not quite for that amount but deffo realising the next day that they'd been charged for the time of the 3 nice girls wearing just their underwear, who hung with them half the night...

[CorneliusBeefington]

Should also add that now I'm older, have had time to reflect and am not living it anymore, I don't agree with strip clubs.

They make women into commodities and something to be bought and sold. They perpetuate misogynistic attitudes towards women. It may serve the women working in it at that point well, but it does no good for women as a class and the wider society.

[Brefugee]

He was drunk so he was asking for it. Only got himself to blame.

Ah that doesn't sit well with me. I agree that it's sleezy going to strip clubs (especially for a stag do) and that they should expect to be ripped off a bit. 7k seems high but he's learnt his lesson i hope.

If you know anyone planning to go to a club like this for a stag do, why not recommend they only take cash, if you can't persuade them not to go?

But it isn't a good look for a bunch of women to point at a drunk man and say the words "he was asking for it" because you know damned well that it will be used against us at some point. Rise above it.

[Patroclus]

Fucking nora that was my years wage not long ago

[ColourMyDreams]

I don't agree that he was asking for it.
Just because he was drunk doesn't mean that he was asking to be taken advantage of.
He was doing something that is perfectly legal.
Would you say the same about someone who was assaulted because they took a shortcut?
No one deserves to be mugged off because of the situation they're in at the time, whether they're drunk or sober.

[Bibbiditybobbidy]

I should add that this is all according to colleague - BUT he's not contesting the £££ now he's been given details of transactions & CCTV, and none of his 'mates' are helping out by saying he was so wasted he didn't know what he was doing.
I think he was fairly pissed and had no idea of the cost of each round or whatever but if he's there on cctv authorise each transaction with his PIN and on CCTV with the girls hanging off him laughing his head off then he needs to chalk this one up to experience and stop trying to get sympathy!

[CatherineOfAragonsPrayerBook]

YABU no one deserves to lose so much money while under the influence of alcohol.

This 'he deserves it because strip clubs are sleazy and he was drunk and probably showing off'

Could so easily be resversed to: 'She deserves it because she works as a stripper in a sleazy nightclub and got drunk'...

Strip clubs are sleazy but they're legal. 7 k is a lot to lose.

[MsTSwift]

Allergic my bank allowed someone in Florida to drain our entire account when it was obvious to anyone we were in the wye valley. That was a memorable morning!

[Bluntness100]

Lol this is one of those times when getting the beer fear the next day is totally justified.🤣

[EagleVisionSquirrelWork]

I don't think much of men who go to strip clubs, so it's hard to feel much sympathy, but neither do I think this can be classed as making an honest profit and I think it should be better regulated. I also think that he's probably been taken advantage of by the rest of the stag party group, who seem to have let him pay for more than his fair share. £7K is a hell of a price tag for the experience of finding out that you have shit friends. So yes, I do feel a bit sorry for him.

[WTAFFF]

Can you imagine the horror the next morning? 😱

Also what @CorneliusBeefington said.