To not feel sorry for colleague ripped off at strip club?

[Bibbiditybobbidy]

30 year old colleague went to a well known strip club on a stag do, and woke up the next day with £7k missing from bank acct.
He was so drunk it appears he managed to spend all that without knowing. When he complained they sent him evidence of himself ( CCTV) at the bar authorising each transaction, times receipts etc
He parents have had to lend him ££ as he’s at his over draft limit and he’s paying them back.
He’s weeping and wailing about it but I just think he’s been an arse and should learn as lesson AIBU? He’s getting lots of sympathy about the ‘injustice’ of it in the office... but he's exactly the kind of guy to show off in front of his mates playing the big man, while he’s actually a bit of a beta male...I have NO sympathy for him, the little creep!

Your amazing arguing skills mean... YOU WON!!

Well done Sagrada

I did say I wasn't going to argue with you yesterday and you still kept trying to provoke me, so THANK YOU, I'll take that.

On a thread about a man purchasing women's bodies for a fun night out ffs. Any thread can turn into ways to criticise women when the topic is male misogyny, if you do the right mental gymnastics.

My post was in response to you accusing me of having an agenda. It wasn't in relation to this thread.

You're accusing me of sticking up for men regardless. That isn't true. I stick up for the person that I think is being wronged, it doesn't matter what sex they are.

If someone is having an affair I have sympathy for their partner, if someone has been scanned then I have sympathy for them, if someone is being bullied in a relationship then I haven't sympathy for them. The victim in those circumstances could be either sex.

And for the last time I absolutely do not think that this scenario is in anyway similar or comparable to anyone being raped.

I was simply questioning why we as a society accept that someone who is drunk can't consent to sex but can consent to other things. That is not comparing anything with rape. It is discussing when the law considers us to have capacity to make decisions. That's all.

I don't really see why it matters that this occured in a strip club. Had he been robbed in there would you all show the same lack of sympathy ie he was in a strip club and so therefore deserved anything that might happen to him? These places are notorious for ripping customers off and it shouldn't be allowed. The morality of whether he should have gone, or indeed whether strip clubs should even exist, is neither here nor there. If he was blackout drunk then they should not have continued serving him alcohol to the tune of £7000 and I'd say that whatever the place was.

I think the question of whether strip clubs exist is very relevant - many will have trafficked women and girls "working" there and any paying customer is a part of the supply chain that means this happens. If you buy from an industry that allows women or girls to be dehumanised to such an extent then I find it hard to have any sympathy when it backfires.

My BIL has three young daughters but goes to a strip club to buy a dance on every stag party he attends. The cognitive dissonance is incredible

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

That's a different discussion though isn't it?

Essentially this man is saying he spent £7000 in a club whilst he was very drunk and has no memory of it.

I think it's relevant.
Whilst you say you're not comparing what happened to rape when too drunk to consent you also say in your earlier post

why we as a society accept that someone who is drunk can't consent to sex but can consent to other things. That is not comparing anything with rape. It is discussing when the law considers us to have capacity to make decisions.

Sorry, don't know how to bold that!

But to me that sounds like comparison or something very close?

I mentioned the clubs to illustrate why most people may struggle to have much compassion to what happens to this man compared to the women in the same room as him who are way further down the good chain. Scammed whilst treating women as a piece of meat. Some might even call it karma

Essentially this man is saying he spent £7000 in a club whilst he was very drunk and has no memory of it.

If he was so drunk why didn't his friends stop him, say no more buying rounds or step in any way? He was on his own,dead drunk was he?

Well said tell

We only have this creep's claims that he was scammed. I have no sympathy for this tosser.

His whining about what a rip-off it was, is more probably more down to stealth boasting than anything else. Like Jay off the inbetweeners would do. 'Urgh I can't believe I somehow managed to spend THOUSANDS on strippers and liquor what am I like?!' wanting everyone to think 'what an epic lad!'. What a colossal prat, more like and his lad pals would have benefited from him being a twerp no doubt.

Oh go yes, definitely a grown up Jay! > shudders <

BTW I meant *food chain below, unfortunate auto correct

For those judging him going to a strip club , I have friends who work in them, they make very good money, they are certainly not exploited in any way (one gave up teaching to work in one , she loves it!)
Secondly this guy has been ripped off, he should report it to the police noone should be charge 7k for a night out.
It had been known for less scrupulous clubs to charge £1000 instead of £10 at the bar etc. It's theft

It's definitely illegal to serve alcohol to a drink person too

maddy68 I was a stripper for a long time (recently "retired") Strip clubs are exploitative, whether the dancers working there think so or not. They're steeped in misogyny and sexism. They do no good for women as a class or in wider society.

Nope, zero sympathy for the daft twat!

I love how it's everyone's fault and responsibility except the man/men that enjoyed what the money has been spent on.

@CorneliusBeefington, thanks so much for yourt contributions. They've been really interesting and I appreciate you discussing it.
(That's not sarcasm, I mean it - in case my tone isn't clear)

tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

What part of my post is me likening this scam to rape?

I am saying that we, as a society, have said that people who are very drunk do not have the capacity to consent to sex and do even if they have said yes it should not be seen as consent and we expect other members of society to abide by this and do what is right by protecting those too drunk to protect themselves. Now, if it's the case that a drunk person is not considered to be able to make an informed choice with regards to sex how can we say that they can make an informed choice about anything else? That doesn't make sense does it?

If I get drunk tonight and agree to have sex with someone the expectation is that person would refuse on the grounds that I'm too drunk but I could then go into a bar and spend £7000 on booze and that would be completely ok? How does that make any sense? So, I'm not comparing it to rape at all. I'm comparing it to being able to decide to have sex - it's accepted by decent people in society that a drunk person can't decide to have sex and so a decent person would over ride what the drunk person wants and refuse.

Hooves, this has been explained over and over and over again. Sex without consent is one person deliberately hurting another person’s body. Spending too much money when drunk in a strip club or on amazon or in a car dealership is you hurting yourself. Please, please can you stop with this now. It’s been explained so many times.

And from another poster: they are certainly not exploited in any way Genuinely laughed at how ridiculous this statement is.

CameFromAway you're welcome, I don't mind discussing it and it's always nice to feel like my (fairly niche experience) has been useful. (I've written that about ten times, if it still sounds like I'm being patronizing, I'm not, honest, you're right, tone is hard )

So is being taken home in a taxi when you are really drunk kidnapping? After all according to you, if you are drunk you can't consent to ANYTHING, from having sex(which is recognised by law) to using your card to buy things you want.

Can I ask for an uber refund because I was drunk and not remember ordering them and it cost way too much?

Should I ask the club for a refund because the last round of shots got me in an overdraft/ overdrawn and now I owe charges?

Should the kebab shop owner refund me because I was drunk, my eyes were bigger than my stomach and I wanted to treat my friends so I bought more food than I could afford/would've bought if sober?

I mean where do we draw the line?

You do seem to struggle with issues surrounding consent though.

Thought provoking questions, Panic. Yes a line does have be drawn somewhere but the question is where.

The line for me would be when you are victim of a crime. An actual crime ...assault,Harry smell, theft, rape etc.

The police aren't interested.
The club have sent stamped CCTV of all transactions.
He was on a stag do with 30 others.
He had drinks and lap dances, which can't be free.
It's possible he paid for others not just himself.OP is making an assumption there,might be accurate.

Has he been victim of a crime?

Harassment not Harry smell.

Where do you think the line should be drawn AwwLook?