Not to give OH my login details?

[EmmaNumberThree]

OH and I have been together for almost 2 years. We live together and recently set up a joint bank account. I am working this week and he isn't, so he has suggested that he moves all the direct debits across to the new account (they are currently all in my name and coming from my bank account), but in order to do that he needs my login details for all the service providers (virgin etc).

AIBU to not be ok to give him those logins? I'll happily do it myself later in the week but something feels weird about giving him all my logins and passwords etc.

These are services you are jointly using. Just because one of you signed up for them is irrelevant. Our phone and water bills come to me, electric to DH, but they are joint bills and therefore we share access to the accounts.

Nope. Don't give details to anyone

For your personal bank? No

I wouldn’t either.
I’d give him the details for the services but not my bank log ins
The bank recommended you keep your details to yourself only.

They are not joint bills. Virgin, I think it was, or maybe it was the water bill, refuse to have more than one person on the account. So although we both live here and use the services, it's my name on all of the accounts. (I own the house)

I don’t see a problem with him having the details for the service providers if they are joint bills and now meant to be going out of a joint bank account.

But I wouldn’t give him my personal bank account details.

Obviously if you use the same log in details for service providers as you do for your private stuff like email account, bank password etc you may need to change those.

Don’t do it. Just tell him what the bills are and ask for half.
Be very wary of him trying to claim he is paying your mortgage etc, keep things separately.

Is it not just the services he’s asking for though not her bank? If so then yes YABU these are shared services and he is contributing to them. Why do you have an issue with it?

My OH and I have been together ages so I don't have a problem with this request, but maybe after only two years it would have been awkward for me. Can you change your passwords quickly to something else and then give him those?

I think I will change the direct debits myself. I am fortunate enough to own the house outright so no issues with mortgage.

Aha, I'm naive, I understand the concerns a little better now!

Doesnt seem like there is any trust here

She's weird to me to sleep with someone but not trust them with your bank details.
If you don't trust him, you shouldn't be living with him imo.

Why are you with him if you don’t trust him?

Absolutely do not give him your online banking details.

no i would not.

also protect your house, might be owned outright but is there a tennants in common thing to protect it? or something?

Won't the new bank account arrange for your direct debits to be switched on your behalf?

Absolutely NOT

Keep the bills in your name.
Request half of the cost be paid to the joint account OP.
Is he paying rent or just bills.
Do not be naive OP.

Oh, and that weird feeling is your gut.

For goodness sake listen to it.

If you don’t trust him to move everything to a joint account then why are you moving in with him?

It depends on trust doesnt it. If my partner asked for mine I wouldn't even think twice about it but if something is holding you back on this then perhaps there is a reason.

I don't think that the service providers will take his call if everything is in your name.

I don't see the issue tbh if you have a loving and trusting relationship. DP has only recently got online banking and as he is a bit forgetful at times, he messaged me all the log in details so I could keep them safe in case he forgets them.

Sounds like he’s testing your trust, to be honest. I don’t know another single human who would casually ask another one for all their banking details. No matter what the relationship is.

It’s acceptable (maybe) to say to a partner ‘If you like I could transfer over those direct debits, let me know if you’d rather do it yourself’. Which allows you to say ‘I’ve got some time for admin next Wednesday, I’ll do it then, thanks though.’

If he arcs up when you say this, that would be an issue for me. Major game playing, a tilt at co-dependence or future control over you would be my fears. Any of them a deal-breaker.

I suppose it could be family culture where he grew up that even these details are shared openly, in which case just put him straight that it’s not a good idea and you don’t agree with it.