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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to give OH my login details?

127 replies

EmmaNumberThree · 26/01/2020 19:57

OH and I have been together for almost 2 years. We live together and recently set up a joint bank account. I am working this week and he isn't, so he has suggested that he moves all the direct debits across to the new account (they are currently all in my name and coming from my bank account), but in order to do that he needs my login details for all the service providers (virgin etc).

AIBU to not be ok to give him those logins? I'll happily do it myself later in the week but something feels weird about giving him all my logins and passwords etc.

OP posts:
DesLynamsMoustache · 26/01/2020 21:12

He's not asking for bank details though? He's asking for login details for stuff like internet and phone, utilities, etc. so he can log in and change the direct debit details. This wouldn't occur to me as an issue tbh.

DesLynamsMoustache · 26/01/2020 21:14

@Destinesia That's only if you use the switching service, which closes the original account. Presumably OP wants to keep her personal account open.

Rosspoldarkssaddle · 26/01/2020 23:47

The bank should offer a switch service where they do it all for you. Why doesn't he ask?

TriciaH87 · 27/01/2020 00:00

I don't seethe big deal my dp has all the details for our sky account can have access to the TV licence etc all in my name any time he likes. Tell me does he know the pin on the remote control or do you worry about him charging a film to the account. My dp knows all of mine if your together and its house hold bills your moving into a joint account his going to be paying towards that bill so why not tell him the details

1300cakes · 27/01/2020 01:22

I thought he was asking for your bank account details in which case I'd say no. But I've realised he's asking for the account details with the actual provider, and I don't see a problem with this. It's his account as well really. Is the problem you use the same password for everything? Not judging, I do that as well.

1300cakes · 27/01/2020 01:24

Or is the password something embarrassing? Like 'exsname'-is-hot. Quick, log in now and change it to 'currentbfname-is-hot'.

Eckhart · 27/01/2020 01:33

I don't think there's a right or wrong here. Everybody feels different about how much they like to share. Nobody is obliged to tell their partner EVERYTHING. I don't think it's 'a trust issue' if OP isn't comfortable sharing a bunch of passwords.

There's an issue if he demands it having been told it makes her uncomfortable, though.

PixieDustt · 27/01/2020 01:36

I wouldn't be sharing a joint bank account with someone I couldn't trust with a login for that bank account that's for sure.

midnightmisssuki · 27/01/2020 02:06

What have you got to hide?

SHAR0N · 27/01/2020 02:40

I hope you got a pre cohabitation agreement , so that he has no claim over your house.

How long has he lived with you ? Is he paying rent ?

timeisnotaline · 27/01/2020 03:07

This is a bit weird. Are you afraid he will put them in his name to give him a claim to the house? What does it say about your relationship that you are worried about this? Because you both live there and should both have a say and access to services you both use.

Moose42 · 27/01/2020 03:17

If I’m understanding right, you mean log ins for things like internet, gas, electric, water etc and not your personal banking details? In a trusting relationship i really don’t see the harm in that. You’re moving direct debits to the joint account, so he’ll be paying them too I assume, even if they remain in your name. I personally wouldn’t be comfortable paying towards bills when I don’t have access to the accounts.

curiousierandcouriser · 27/01/2020 03:18

@EmmaNumberThree is there a reason why you are reluctant to share the utility details?

I completely agree about keeping your banking details private, but personally give my spouse access to all shared bills/utilities. I find it just makes things easier when either of us can deal with issues that come up.

Honestface78 · 27/01/2020 05:10

There's a reason why it's called a 'personal' bank account, and it's not so that passwords can be shared.

If it's just passwords for the services that you both freely use then I see no issue and in that sense, YABU x

selmabear · 27/01/2020 05:22

Neve share you banking details with anyone. You're right not to hand the details over

asprinklingofsugar · 27/01/2020 05:33

I wouldn’t simply for the reason, I tend to use similar passwords for things. My really important accounts all have their own unique passwords but things like an old Pinterest account might have a similar password to an online game I play. I wouldn’t feel comfortable giving someone the password to one or two accounts, as it’s then possible they could figure out the passwords to my other accounts. I’ve nothing to hide but it would be a privacy thing for me. Also if I told someone the passwords and we later split up, I’d have to go through the hassle of changing all my passwords.

PhilCornwall1 · 27/01/2020 05:37

I take it you aren't married?

The house is in your name, so keep all utilities in your name, coming from your account. He can contribute 50%, but that's the only change I would make.

Everything for us is in a joint account and each has access to everything and we jointly own the house, but we've been married for 20 years, so a totally different situation to you.

Bloodyhellf · 27/01/2020 07:59

Can't you just transfer the money he needs to his bank account instead?

Frariedeamin · 27/01/2020 08:04

I won’t give DH mine not because I don’t trust him but because I work for the company that provides my bank account and we are expected to behave beyond reproach when it comes to our conduct with our accounts and password sharing is a MASSIVE no. I can’t risk losing my job over something so minor.

KaptenKrusty · 27/01/2020 08:28

strange - he doesn't need your bank log in details surely??

I've been with my DH for 10 years and it's never come up before that he would need access to my bank account?

We have a joint account for bills and things - but we both just transfer money from our personal accounts monthly into the joint one!

This does seem like an odd request - surely he just needs the bank acc numbers of the utility companies rather than your bank account?

GabriellaMontez · 27/01/2020 08:49

I wouldn't ask for anyones bank details. Imo he shouldn't have asked you.
I wouldn't give anyone my log in.

The other accounts wouldn't bother me unless you're using the same password.

Ivegotnothing · 27/01/2020 09:09

I agree with @SHARON up thread....aside from this you need a pre cohabitation agreement of some kind. As someone who has been stung myself, I would say it’s more important than anything else. You may trust him completely now, but things do sometimes go bad.

Tink2007 · 27/01/2020 09:13

Does it come from the fact you’ve been together only two years?

Personally myself and OH know all each other’s logins etc; it’s never been an issue but we’ve been together since we were 16 (married at 22) so quite a long time.

ActualHornist · 27/01/2020 09:13

He only needs the sort code and account number or change a direct debit.

Or he can ask his own bank account to move them across (although this might only be if it’s his account he’s moving it to - I forget the finer details).

If he’s actually talking about a standing order then this is done from your bank account - the payment is sent on your instruction rather than being claimed from your account. So check whether that’s what he means.

Having said that, I wouldn’t give him my login details I would just do it myself.

GinNotGym19 · 27/01/2020 09:23

You can’t change direct debits from your bank account.
You need to log in with the actually company they come from and give them the new bank details or ring them individually

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