Not to give OH my login details?

[EmmaNumberThree]

OH and I have been together for almost 2 years. We live together and recently set up a joint bank account. I am working this week and he isn't, so he has suggested that he moves all the direct debits across to the new account (they are currently all in my name and coming from my bank account), but in order to do that he needs my login details for all the service providers (virgin etc).

AIBU to not be ok to give him those logins? I'll happily do it myself later in the week but something feels weird about giving him all my logins and passwords etc.

Read the op wrong ignore me 😂
I’d do it myself personally!

I'd give my husband my details, I trust him.
I don't think I could be with a man I didn't trust, let alone live with him.

To all the people saying “trust issues”
Would you honestly give your log in details to a person because they convinced you they were trustworthy?
Many people use the name log in and password details for the same things. It wouldn’t take too log to work out bank details and all sorts. Fuck sake it’s not trust issues. It’s common sense.

I'd just change them myself, as I;d have had to log on to change the passwords to be new passwords anyway before sharing with anyone else.
And i'd keep bills in your name if its your house. Just seems sensible. you know you will always be in the house, you don't know he will.

I'd have no problems giving passwords to the utilities. Unless I use any of those passwords elsewhere. In which case I'd just say "Sorry, stupidly I use some of those passwords elsewhere for higher security/personal stuff, so don't worry, I'll sort it later"

When me and DH opened a new joint account we started it at the bank i was already with, and set it up with the bank so we'd both have personal current accounts, personal savings accounts and a joint current account and a joint savings account. What we got was joint statements for all accounts and online banking such that I could see his personal accounts and every transaction, although I couldn't do anything with his money, just look at it. And vice versa. The bank reckoned that was totally normal. Fuck no!!!! Definitely not what we agreed to.
And what your DP is asking for is worse - he'd be able to spend your money.

Log ins for utilities? No problem. DH and I share all those anyway just in case (if something happened to one of us we’d need that information).

There wouldn’t be any need to have your banking log in, just account number and sort code. I’m hoping your banking password is different to what you use for everything else - if not it should be, change it now.

Whoa!
Red flags.

Do not give security details to any of your financial matters to anyone.
Like wise double check that you have safe guarded the ownership of your house.

As others have mentioned above, hindsight is a wonderful thing when you have been scammed or someone you trust(ed) has misused your financial details or identity.

Never allow yourself to be rushed into "proving" you trust someone.

The house is yours.
All utilities should remain in your name.

A joint account can be used for you to share costs.

Protect your house.
If you are made feel uncomfortable for protecting yourself, you have a huge Red Flag.

Don't become the story of the silly trusting woman who was taken for a ride.

There are enough of those stories out there already.

Protect your assets.

She's weird to me to sleep with someone but not trust them with your bank details.

Have you ever read any other MN posts?!! Of course she shouldn't give him her details, if it's only a matter of waiting a few days to do it herself.

No, or if you did I would then change the password after. I never give mine out to anyone end of

We share a password vault so have access to all each other's stuff including banking, bills, emails, socials etc so stuff like this is easier. It also means if something happens to one of us we have the required access.

We are married if that makes a difference and house in joint names.

Whilst the bills are in his name I don't see them as not joint bills - at the end of the day we both pay them regardless of companies billing system limitations.

I agree with a pp - trust your instincts. If they’re telling you to be cautious at the moment then listen.

So let me get this straight, people come on here & constantly moan about “wife work” & carrying the “mental load” yet when someone’s partner takes the initiative to do some “life admin” there’s an instant accusation of ulterior motives & red flags simply because he asked - not shouted / not demanded / not sulked / not bullied but asked - for SERVICE PROVIDER logins. Nowhere does OP say he asked for her personal banking information.

If OP is not comfortable with giving him this information & is happy to change the details herself then of course that’s absolutely fine, however, in the absence of any other information, there’s no need to automatically assign nefarious intentions to someone just because they have a penis ffs.

Absolutely not.

I would imagine you need to be the one to do the switching yourself?

Like wise double check that you have safe guarded the ownership of your house

How would I do that? Does that require a legal document?

Whoever suggested that he just pays me and I keep the bills in my name might be a good idea. We wanted to set one up so we can be fair about shopping etc but we could just have the joint account for that and the bills I can manage

Just get the splitwise app for tracking who pays for shopping and things - then there is no need for the joint account really!

DH & I have a joint account but it basically never gets used - we through a bit of money in it monthly for the water bill as it is the only one with a direct debit from that account!

We had planned on using it but it ended up not being very useful! we both just pay for various things and transfer each other the money back - or sometimes it just works itself out by us both taking turns paying for things!

Don't see the need to have shared finances until maybe you had children or something

Been married for 8 years. My husband has none of my passwords for anything. It's not just about trust - it's also about responsibility. If anyone is going to accidentally fuck something up, I'd rather it was me.

Doesn't a joint account mean you are financially tying yourself to each other? DH and I didn't get a joint account until we were married (seemed a bit daft not to since we were then legally tied together anyway). Until then we just had his account with the DDs and I transferred money over.

For utility companies I would share the login details, you're both paying for them even if the bills themselves are only in one name. Bank logins, definitely not. If a bank finds out you've disclosed logins (even with a partner on the account) they can refuse to help if you have money taken fraudulently etc.

Presumably he is just going to move the bank details to the new joint account not actually change the name the services are in? You should keep them in your name as the house is yours. If that is all he is doing I would let him if you feel comfortable. If you don't then do it yourself later. Do you trust him?

You're being weird.
Unless you've bought loads of fetish porn on your Virgin On Demand or something.

Absolutely do not give anyone your bank details

I wouldn't think twice about giving my details to my DH. What's your concern OP?

I don't mind sharing service providers login info. Personal banking, fuck no.