To think it is weird that I don't get invited anywhere with my OH

[ByeFeliciaa]

My OH has a brother who is about to turn 30, they've arranged a meal for him. I've had to rearrange my work shifts so that OH can go.
He doesn't think it's weird that I haven't been invited? I've been in his brothers life for over 4 years now.
Maybe I'm just a bit put out that I'm losing a days wage so facilitate him being able to and having to sit at home with my children!
Similarly he was invited to a night out but couldn't go because I was working, I wasn't invited.
We spent NYE apart as he was invited out and I wasn't.

I KNOW we have a life apart but it would be nice to get dolled up and go out and have fun TOGETHER, both free of "mum and dad" duties but maybe aibu?

Yes me and my OH have 2 daughters together. The youngest born 3 weeks after the brothers first child

I’d reply to her txt, with ‘can I ask why I’m the only partner excluded from this dinner?’ time to shame their fuckin rudeness.
Be interesting to see the reply, Im
hedging my bets that your DP is excluding you because the other option is the whole family are weird, not you!

Oh I do take the children out on my own without my OH, no problems there!
My OH is a sahd and I'm the one that goes out to work so find it tricky taking up a hobby or anything and annoyingly everyone at work is a good 9 years younger than me (underage so no nights out there) so it's not like I can invite them for a night out instead. I'm pretty lonely, have been for years but I've just muddled through it.
We do have seldom childcare, it would just be nice to be invited out but both of us be invited

Something is going on. I'd be bringing this to an end by asking the GF outright.

They don't want to mix with you and your OH is gaslighting you by telling you that your weird.

It's odd you think of her as a friend when she turns down all of your invitations.

Why not just ask dsil why you don't get invited to anything and let her know you think it's strange. Frankly your relationship with OH's family couldn't really be any more distant so you're hardly going to rock the boat.
Also start going out more yourself. Everyone needs some friends.

X post. What's their opinion on your DP being a SAHD?

Do you earn more than them etc?

Just the brothers and other men going out - not wierd at all to not be invited.

Other female partners and family members going - very odd, and there is more to this than meets the eye. DH is being disingenuous to suggest that you are strange for expecting to come along.

Am i right in thinking that you're in near constant contact with this brother's GF but you never spend time together in person, despite having young children the same age?

Very bizarre and given your have DC together it's even weirder . I think you need to reflect on what your getting out of this relationship. How did he end up being a SAHD and was this something you were happy with? I worry that you have no friends and are also not invited to family gatherings. What is your relationship like with to own family? Do you both go along to family get togethers?

Just the brothers and other men going out - not weird at all to not be invited....Other female partners and family members going - very odd

I agree ^^

Doesn’t sound like they like you very much OP. Stop messaging the gf, she clearly doesn’t want to be your friend. I’d be rethinking the relationship personally.

Yeah, that's not right & I understand why you feel the way you do ☹️ Your OH & his family are the strange ones for thinking this is normal. What about his parents? Based on the massive amount of time between them seeing each other, are they not that close? Maybe his brother's inviting him out of duty more than anything 😕 Still, it's wrong not to invite you & I don't know how they can't see that, especially with his GF txting you about meal choices 🤨

Do you really have no friends? Why do you think that is?

Would the children be going, does your DP get any time away from them? Do they think he needs the break?

This is definitely not on...why doesn’t your OH say to his brother/family that you are a couple and therefore you both get invited or he doesn’t go. I would be furious if my DH or OH went to family events without me.

It sounds strange. Does the gf message you first or is it always you messaging her? What about oh parents? Do you not all meet up at xmas etc?
I wonder does oh reply on your behalf with a no? Id ask the gf was there any reason you wasnt invited.
You cant just ignore this, it's too strange

He literally just says .. we both have separate lives

That is weird. You have children together, it sounds as if you live together -- that's not leading separate lives, that's being a family. Of course you each have your own interests, as everyone does. But it's very strange that his family don't invite you and even stranger that he thinks that's normal.

He doesnt find it odd that youre never invited? and they dont keep in touch only via you

sorry the whole thing is off

I’m the nicest way possible. You sound like you are the problem.

The girlfriend of OH’s brother backs of of things you invite her to last minute.. more than once.

You message her about personal things. This is a trait I find a bit annoying in people when it’s not warranted, perhaps she’s just being polite in replying.

You’re never invited places.

You say you have no friends.

If you want to know why you need to ask them.

@SexlessBoulderBelly
Really? that’s your take here? Not nice at all, OP has 2 young DC, works full time, hardly lots of time to herself, it’s easy to end up without close friends. Everyone else thinks the family are rude or DP is excluding her, he’s the one who should have her back and including her but you blame her? 😕🙄

I think you need to tackle this. It's strange. Of course you are not joined at the hip but never to be invited when other women are?

I had this with my ex, please note that he is an ex! He and his brothers organising get togethers & I was never invited, their partners were included but I wasnt. It was embarrassing and hurtful. Clearly obvious they didnt want me to join in, I think it was my ex who really didnt want me there as he could let his hair down, plus I really think he didnt care if I was happy with my life. In the end I made a social life for myself and asked him to leave, he was so shocked, couldn't understand it, said he'd change etc. In the end it was just too late

Also its wrong you have to lose wages so he can go surely he should say he cant make that day or get a babysitter

No dsil is always the one to message me first, if I don't reply I get another message
And then another message asking if I'm okay why I haven't replied etc.
It's notme constantly harassing her, of course MN would make out that I was!
Its OHs 3 brothers, mum and dad going. The girlfriend going, And as I know it, OH brother has 2 friends whose girlfriends are also going.
No we havent seen OH and girlfriend since their baby was born 18 months ago. See OHs parents twice a week, no issues at all there