To think it is weird that I don't get invited anywhere with my OH

[ByeFeliciaa]

My OH has a brother who is about to turn 30, they've arranged a meal for him. I've had to rearrange my work shifts so that OH can go.
He doesn't think it's weird that I haven't been invited? I've been in his brothers life for over 4 years now.
Maybe I'm just a bit put out that I'm losing a days wage so facilitate him being able to and having to sit at home with my children!
Similarly he was invited to a night out but couldn't go because I was working, I wasn't invited.
We spent NYE apart as he was invited out and I wasn't.

I KNOW we have a life apart but it would be nice to get dolled up and go out and have fun TOGETHER, both free of "mum and dad" duties but maybe aibu?

Why are you offended/ upset still? Didn’t your SILs message response to you asking if you were invited say your BIL said you could come along if you wanted to? You want to come along so why on earth didn’t you accept that invitation and make the plan to attend? I don’t understand why you’re still upset when you were told you could come?

I'm sorry that everything and everyone seems to be conspiring against you ByeFeliciaa.
What work did you do before the children were born? You say you have no qualifications, but you write articulately. Are there any online courses you can do when you aren't working? If you want office work you will need to be familiar with Excel and Word as a minimum, both of which you can do online.

Your SIL seems to be completely lacking in any kind of social awareness or any kind of social etiquette. Well done on ignoring her messages. Do you think she would notice if you blocked her? If your partner wants to see his family you need to stop engaging with them on his behalf.

Hopefully, as the children get older and are at school life will be a little easier.

OP, definitely distance yourself from DSIL. She said her friends were flaky when she had a baby but she has been flaky with you by backing out last minute from things!
And I don’t understand why you had to take time off when you said your Mum could babysit?
Maybe use this time as a much needed catch up with your DC and have a far better time than anyone at the ‘do’ would have!
The silver lining might be if they are all a bit odd and don’t talk it’ll be much better at home! And maybe casually drop into conversation with your Inlaws when you next see them that you weren’t invited and SIL directly told you so while asking for DH’s menu options.
Have a fab time doing your own thing!

Isn't it worth going this time? Sil said you could. See how it goes. If it then happens again immediately block. You never know, it might lead to more meet ups.

Going back to the original problem, and I'm only asking because I've been a similar position. Do you think there is a chance your sil doesn't want you there because she is jealous? Maybe your in-laws talk about you a lot or (and it's not nice but does happen) compare your children? My own sil has tried to exclude me from stuff before as she feels my youngest gets more attention then hers.

I don't know why SIL is getting all the stick when you haven't even challenged your own partner over this.

For god sake OP you said you couldn't get a job but it's because you're being ridiculously fussy and only want to do jobs you're not qualified to do.

You're seriously expecting to become a driving instructor when you can't even drive?

No of course I'm not, I was talking about what interested me when I was younger

Yes but you're also talking about a number of other jobs that are out of your reach at the moment because of the lack of qualifications. You need to be realistic. You can't retrain until you're financially stable. It doesn't matter if you didn't like care work or don't really want to work in a school - if you can get a job doing something that pays your bills and keeps a roof over your child's head you do it.

Like what?
And that's what I'm doing currently.

Like being a chef?

You're working random hours each week. I was on your side when you said you were really struggling to find any other work but now you're saying you're being really picky and you can't do that when you have a family to take care of.

Have you looked into the company that your restaurants use to clean. They usually have very early times. Ours used to come in around 5am and be done by 9am.

You could contact them and ask for vacancies. They may also be contracted to other bars and restaurants in the area.

Well I could get experience by being in the kitchen, using the fryer, prepping food, hygiene certificates all of which would add up.
Just because I'm not willing to go into care work doesn't mean I'm being picky and I've already said in this thread a few care homes require you to have a driving license as the hours as so unsoicable.
The resturant uses the employees to clean it so not another company unfortunately

Do you have any bars around you? Go in and ask who they use.

I've applied for a few cleaning jobs, with early starts but I never hear anything back.
Hence why I picked up the cleaning shifts in the resturant so it's more experience on my CV

Have you actually say your partner down and said what the fuck?

Do you know for sure you are not invited? Has your OH told them you can’t come because you need to look after the kids so many times you have stopped being invited? Is your OH tight and unlikely to want to hire a banysitter?

@ittakes2 bit old. The night out has already happened!

Has it? So you didn't go OP?

OP, could your partner try Timpson? They actively employ people with criminal convictions, something like 10% of their employees are ex-offenders.

www.timpson-group.co.uk/timpson-foundation/ex-offenders/

No I didn't go, had nobody to watch my children in the end

See OHs parents twice a week, no issues at all there

Is that FIL and his new partner? Seeing as you said he is low contact with his mum?

His relationship with his mum is again much like low contact, he talks to her if he sees her in the street but won't go out of his way to invite her to dinner.

Sounds like a totally weird family set up. And you don't sound that fussed by your OH.

Have you still been messaging/recieving messages from the girlfriend?

I hope you are able to get the work situation sorted, it must be really tough. Definitely both register with an employment agency, you never know when something is going to come alone. Have you looked for regular cleaning work, it can be pretty well paid and probably less variable shifts than hospitality!

Good luck OP!

Come along, not alone!

No FIL doesn't have a new partner. I didn't ever mention he did.
This thread is moot now anyway as the birthday meal out has already happened

Fucking ridiculous, entitled and offensive ignorance of what it's actually like to work an entry level job on this thread. Re. your job and your DP getting work, you're in an impossible situation. A better job will come, but the waiting is awful isn't it. Restaurant work doesn't marry well with family life, so I massively respect you for actually doing it. Most people would have given up. You sound great OP.