To think it is weird that I don't get invited anywhere with my OH

[ByeFeliciaa]

My OH has a brother who is about to turn 30, they've arranged a meal for him. I've had to rearrange my work shifts so that OH can go.
He doesn't think it's weird that I haven't been invited? I've been in his brothers life for over 4 years now.
Maybe I'm just a bit put out that I'm losing a days wage so facilitate him being able to and having to sit at home with my children!
Similarly he was invited to a night out but couldn't go because I was working, I wasn't invited.
We spent NYE apart as he was invited out and I wasn't.

I KNOW we have a life apart but it would be nice to get dolled up and go out and have fun TOGETHER, both free of "mum and dad" duties but maybe aibu?

@GiveHerHellFromUs nope not true. Its enrollment week for the early learning, because I earnt over £610 in a month then we aren't entitled to the 15 hours

@ByeFeliciaa everyone who earns under £100k gets 15 free hours once LO turns 2.

I think you might be getting confused with UC childcare allowance which has very different thresholds

No I'm not. I'm not that much of an idiot

I think an invitation to dp is an invitation for you too.

Maybe also join some mother/toddler groups? You deserve friends @ByeFeliciaa

I've already contacted them and had to send a screenshot of my universal credit entitlement and they said I've earned over £610 so we are not entitled

www.gov.uk/help-with-childcare-costs/free-childcare-2-year-olds?step-by-step-nav=f237ec8e-e82c-4ffa-8fba-2a88a739783b

Our nursery told us that we can get 15 hours when DD turns two but I can't see that's the case now. However surely you fit into these requirements?

Straight away "your 2 year old can get free early education if you live in England" I'm not in England

Fair enough - I'll shut up then

I did scroll down the page and it says there is different rules for Scotland etc, so I clicked Scotland and again says you need to earn under £610 to be entitled.
I've even asked UC about claiming back 85% of the childcare costs but OH needs to be working for us to get that!
I know my hours need to change asap but its hard to make that happen, I've only been there 4 months and I've been asking for more hours since I started!! Nobody is happy with their hours because there is too many staff but my employers don't see that 🤦‍♀️

Do you show sport?

So, your DP would have to ask you for money, he can’t apply for a job because your hours mean there wouldn’t be childcare, If a woman posted that here she’d be told to get her ducks in a row....

As things currently stand the only way your DP gets to see his family is if they pay for him, otherwise he has to ask you for money.

It’s becoming fairly clear why you’re not invited tbh, and I think if you’d written all this in your OP the majority of responses would have been vastly different.

As in, in the resturant? No
He can apply for jobs and has. He had an interview for a 42 hour job only a few weeks ago but was turned down as he does not have a fork lift license. If he got a full time job then I'd leave mine. If he got a part time job then I'd make sure my hours didn't clash.
No ONE brother, offered. He hasn't accepted the offer.

Jesus this sounds totally messed up. OP, sounds like you’ve got much bigger issues than being invited out for a birthday dinner. You and your OH need to focus on earning and paying off your debts as a priority.

I personally think your DP is the one who isn’t inviting you. I reckon they just give an open invitation like ‘this party is at x time and place’ and assume you will go along too but DP tells you only he can go. He’s the dickhead in this scenario and I’d be seriously questioning my relationship if I were you. I just can’t see any other reason for them to invite all the other girlfriends and not you, not unless you’re an absolutely awful person but you don’t sound like one!

I always arf at people struggling to find work too. During the recession in 2008-2010 ish maybe but there are plenty of jobs around now if you really search hard. He’s probably a lazy swine to go alongside the gaslighting.

Arf away all you want. I'm struggling to find something else, I've tried Tesco lidl, nandos, local ice cream shop, I've applied to 3 different cleaning agencies.
My DP has found 2 new warehouse jobs been advertised and has applied for them today.

Then what's wrong with your CV?

I wouldn't say there is anything wrong but I don't have years of work history.
Most jobs for a resturant you need 1 years customer service (I dont have that)
Jobs working as a carer you need a driving license (also don't have that)
Even jobs for a pt receptionist you need 2 years hospitality experience. Those are just the 3 I've come across on Indeed but most of them are similar

Seems very odd. Is is your dp who has told them you "live separate lives". I've only been with my dp a short time and his family have invited me to gatherings, 4 years seems bizarre

@ByeFeliciaa
I’m in Scotland too and depending where you are there seems plenty jobs about. Hope you both get something soon.

My DD (19) got a job as a carer in a care home looking after elderly residents. She didnt have or need any experience or a driving licence, training was done on the job. She works 3 shifts a week and earns over £17,000. If you dont mind that type of work might be worth seeing if there are any jobs? They have a high turnover of staff so constantly advertising.

Have just asked for some kitchen training at my work so that should bump up my hours while the actual resturant is quiet

I'm so sorry this has devolved into a situation where you feel you have to defend your work situation. The point here is that I would think that your OH would want you there since it is clear there will be other women there. This is one of the oddest threads I have seen in a long time. I'm sorry you are going through this.

That’s good news Felicia. Would it be possible for your OH to get night shift work so that you won’t have to quit your job?

It’s very strange. I’d ask them outright.
Also, failing that, get a sitter on the quiet and just show up 💪🏻

You sound lovely and his family sound odd. Invest time getting to know other mums in your area who would welcome a playdate and some cake. There are tonnes of us out there