To never tell them their birth order?

[sunshinepoppy]

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

^Assign age roles
^

I have a set of twins and two singletons. Born in England. The twins birth certificates have time of birth on. The singletons don't.
My twins have always known their birth order. It has never been an issue. We have the names the other way round alphabetically (so younger twin tends to get her name called out first at school etc). My older twin likes being the eldest, but also likes telling everyone she was Mummy's littlest baby. My younger twin likes telling people she is my youngest child, but also that she was the one Mummy got to cuddle first in the hospital. Never had any issues, it's all just part of their birth story (as twins grow up, people will ask them loads of questions).
I knew someone whose husband was from a culture where the first-born son is particularly special, and her older boy got extra presents. So I guess in certain cultures (and in aristocratic British families where there is a title to be handed on) it IS an issue.

?? Are you meaning if separated but then why would they know? If they are Scottish it is every baby and if not they could be just told it is normal.

Scottish birth certificates also have a note that says “first born twin” or “second born twin” as well. It’s how I found most of the twin births on my family tree

Presumably because the time being noted doesn’t show a multiple birth on a Scottish certificate

No, they’re birth certificate doesn’t have the time on it. They is a second completely separate page with the time, length and weight. This is even different colours. Pink for the girl and blue for the boy.

There's a minute between my twins and the older one will often mention it 🤦‍♀️

In Yoruban culture where the twin birth rate is particularly high, the first-born twin is considered to be the ‘younger’ because they have been pushed out by their sibling to check if all is safe. The second-born twin is considered the dominant, and is named Kehinde, while the the first-born is named Taiwo.

British birth certificates certainly do not have the time on them.

There’s no such thing as a British birth certificate (or British marriage certificate)

My birth certificate has times on it, as does my dh's, we're in our 50's (and both twins).

I think saying "one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins" is only ever a joke. Like i tell a friend to show me some respect because I'm older than him - yes, one day older!

my DD was born in scotland she is 10 the time is on birth certificate as 8.37am

My twins are 10 now and there have been times that I have regretted telling them. One was born 2 hours ahead of the other and has used it as a way to lord it over her sister. However, it has been manageable as the second twin hasn't reacted too much.

If you want to keep it secret I would pretend to have forgotten or something like that, rather than make a big deal of it.
When they are older/teenagers I don't imagine it will be very important to them so they can find out then and it won't have shaped their idea of who is older and more dominant.

this place gets weirder by the day

I would be more concerned with ensuring that you and your family treat your children as individuals, and don't treat them as one unit. Dress them differently, and don't call them "twins"

^ I was more concerned with this when mine were growing up, their birth order was not even a consideration My DTs(15) even go to different schools now

I didn't even realise their birth time was on the birth certificates? You live and learn.

What will happen when you’re playing a board game and the youngest has to start first?!

This is literally the only time it comes up

It’s just banter it’s not that serious, we have family jokes that I’m ‘the milkmans’ because I look different to siblings and there’s jokes that my brother was ‘a misfire’ it’s all just banter we love each other !!

Twin birth certs have the time on. I am 20 mins older and my brother and I used to laugh about it, they will find out eventually.

Mummyyyyyy is older?

Well darlings, you were both born at a similar time really. Jack first then Ben. You're both born on the same day and both came out mummys tummy, one after the other.

Wouldn't that suffice?

I know Im the younger twin/second out. But would be equally happy if I was told it was of zero consequence and we were essentially born at the same(-ish) time.

I've never noticed whether or not my (Scottish) birth certificate has that I'm a twin on it, but will have to go look now. We always knew which one of us was older! It's mostly been used against me by my sister in a joking way eg "you're older, you have to do X" where X is a thing needing doing that neither of us want to do.

The real issue is obviously which twin is the evil twin*. That's the one you need to get cleared up sooner rather than later.

*Me

Just say as it was c section they were the same time? Pretty sure they won’t even question it

Mine are 6 we have never told them for similar reasons they still don't know but they haven't really asked properly as far as they were concerned they were born at about the same time (1 min gap on birth certificates so pretty true). If they ever ask properly I'll tell them.it's up to you I certainly don't feel like they have missed out by not knowing.

It's a joke between twins. I think you're taking it a bit seriously.

My friends are twins born by c-section and they have no idea who was born first. They were tangled up in there and the doctor had to pull one out and then put them back in to untangle them and their mum never knew which one actually came out first!

Not a helpful story but mildly interesting nonetheless.

I kinda get where you’re coming from @sunshinepoppy but I do think you’re overthinking it. My brother and sister are twins and they joke about who is older but it’s not taken seriously and nobody has even treated one like their older Oh and my Mum and her brother are twins and I haven’t a clue who’s older as they’ve never mentioned it.

British birth certificates certainly do not have the time on them.

They do for multiple births.

They were tangled up in there and the doctor had to pull one out and then put them back in to untangle them

Isn’t this the whole point of having a sibling? So you can fight and squabble over stuff that doesn’t matter?! 😁

Just don’t make a big deal of it.

I'm so surprised to learn that in England and Wales they do not put the time of birth on a birth certificate (unless a twin). It never ever occurred to me, so when I read the OP my first thought was it will tell them on their Birth Certificate so why even bother (which I guess it turns out it does anyway). My sister had twins. They are in their late 30s. I know at the time we were told who came first, but I honestly am not sure if I remember which one it is. I THINK I know which it was, but just because her name always comes first when saying their names. It never made a difference to anyone who was first, but they had the right to know (and its on their birth certificate anyway). All birth certificates in USA have time on them.