To never tell them their birth order?

[sunshinepoppy]

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

@Bluntness100 I didn’t look at them closely until someone on this thread told me to.

If they don't know and want to, they're going to feel pretty bitter about you keeping it to yourself. I'm not a twin, but if I was, I know I'd want to know.

A lot of posters are still insisting that this is a non issue even though posters who are a twin have explained how knowing the birth order has had a negative impact on their lives

Where? I thought I had read the whole thread but other than one posters story about her mum haven’t seen anything like that

Even so there are plenty of things that will have a negative impact on your children’s lives. This seems like quite a minor one. As others have said the problem is your mad in-laws.

Tell them. Silly not to. What difference can it possibly make?

Yea I can't see anyone actually saying that this has caused them issues. But a lot of twins and parents/wives/siblings of twins saying it's a bit of fun and you're still being ridiculous.

My auntie had triplets and after realising the arguements between her friends twins about who was eldest etc. She decided to not tell them. But she made it humourous as they were growing up. She used to tell them that the doctor just grabbed a handful of hair and pulled and cos all three had their heads stuck together he pulled them all out in one go. Then as they got older they did find out but didn't really care just remembered their mams funny storey. They grew up inseperable and started a business together. They are all married and live in the same street and hardley ever have arguments. When anyone else asks who was oldest they refuse to answer and say they all came together dragged out by their hair. So I do kind of agree with you, but instead of not telling them, make it about their closeness as twins and make it fun for them not to focus on who is first but rather that they stand together and stick together.

It's a part of their history.
Just tell them.

Just tell them.

Just checked my twins bc and have time on them and also that they were a twin but not if they were twin 1 or twin 2, they know who is oldest and it makes me laugh as youngest is taller and has always said I'm the biggest brother but you are the big brother! It makes no difference to how they are treated by family or friends! As pp has said you've got bigger worries ahead if family would treat them differently due to birth order!

@ClappyFlappy I have only looked back 3 pages for you, 7-10. Read the posts by fishlegs, ambitiouslyfit, theworldisfullofgs

I’m a twin and our parents told us we were born at the exact same time (same time on birth certificate) which I believed until I talked to a midwife when I was pregnant and was told that that’s not physically possible. One of us must have been born even seconds earlier. Either our parents don’t know or they will never tell us. It does annoy us a bit.

I'm fifty years old, and I haven't a clue, what day I was born on, whether I was born am or pm, nothing.

Do I care, mah. I did think about it when I was younger, but being as my mother n father, are pure egg n sperm donors, it doesn't really matter.

At 6 months old, I was placed in care.... For all the good that did in protecting me.

My mother officially abandoned me at 5, and my father, well he's worse, cos he pretended to care while he messed with my head n emotions .... Even as an adult.....

Anyways, back to this!

I don't think it matters. On your full sized birth certificate, it doesn't mention anything about your birth, only the date.

The only place that info is on, is medical reports, and their little red book (of whatever they call it these days) the health visitor writes in. So unless they ask directly, just say.... 2pm

Who was first?
Does it matter... Really?

In fact, I'm.sure in medical.notes, it'll say, baby 1 and baby 2.... I doubt dad remembers, so it'll be up to you.

I'm a twin - the oldest by 8 minutes. It's never bothered either of us : sometimes boosting that I'm older, sometimes my sibling enjoying being the youngest eg things like going to the dr/dentist we would be asked who was older or younger for who went first. Their birth time will be on their birth certificates anyway so not much of a secret.

It’s particularly meaningless in this case, since you don’t know who would have been first had it been a vaginal birth

I think you're wrong to withhold this information from them. It's part of their birth story which they will want to hear. My dcs loved hearing stories about their births (thumb in mouth, hiccuping etc).

By not sharing this information you are making it into a big deal when it really isn't. You are also saying you don't trust them with the information.

YABU but I understand where you're coming from. I also have twin boys, 5 months, and curious people ask who is older. My mum first called one big brother and the other little brother. Was quite irritated by that. She still occasionally accidentally does it, but funnily enough calls Twin B the big brother because he's larger in size lol.

OP, like I said, I understand the urge to do so. However it's better to not tell them until they ask and when they do ask let them know that they are made at the same time and born on the same day, and people born on the same day (and year) are not older or younger than each other.

As a Scot who had twins in England I hadn't realized until reading this thread that single babies don't get their birth time recorded, poor things!
My pair joke a bit about birth order but it isn't anything serious.

I have twins, now adults and I didn't tell them their birth order for exactly the same reason. They were born by C section, and only 2mins difference between. I always said they were born at the same time.

It worked very well, and I would recommend it, as they could never play the 'well, I'm older than you' card.

However, we told them their birth order when they were young adults (I think about 19) and the 'younger' was SHOCKED! Took a while to settle down, but all ok now!

I just checked my four children's birth certificates, both long and short versions and none of them have a time on them.
I do have a couple of their notifications of birth and they do but most people don't see them.

If they ask tell them, if they don't,don't

Apologies. MaNagaed to miss a few pages.

@MacBlank many many times people have pointed out that the time of birth is recorded on the Birth Certificate for multiples in England and for all births in Scotland.

@Rumboogie thank you. It is really interesting to hear from someone who has had experience of not telling the birth order.

@riceuten it doesn't have to be any 'use' to them. They might just want to know. They might, for whatever reason, just want to know. It's not really for you, or anyone else, to say if it's important or useful to them at all. If they don't care, then they won't ask.

It's such a ridiculous thing to make a big deal out of, I'm sure some people spend their lives looking for things to overthink.

It’s particularly meaningless in this case, since you don’t know who would have been first had it been a vaginal birth

What does this mean?
Somebody is first wether it's a Csection or Vaginal. And with both birth order is recoded.