To never tell them their birth order?

[sunshinepoppy]

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

Sunshine poppy
speaking from experience of looking after many sets of twins i would say in thier early years they don’t need to k ow . also mother people don’t need to know .
it’s other people who label them (within twins earshot which causes the problem )
people say such daft things
like oh yes
i could tell
he was the eldest as he is bossy ( twins have a dominant and passive twin that changes regularly )
also
he is cleverer
he is the funny one
..
all this ridiculous needs to stop!
when the children are older you can re evaluate thus decision .

Do they have a ‘name’ order?! I’d always assume the first named child (like on a Xmas card for instance i.e Love from Tom, Dick & Harry) was the eldest.

ignore typos
no glasses

I have identical twin boys their 4 & a 1/2 & they’ve both know who is the eldest from when they were old enough to understand between 2-3 years old. They just accept it.

Do birth certificates show the time for twins only?

Pretty sure my children’s (not twins!) birth certificates don’t show a time but now I want to go and check..

This seems to be making way too big a deal of something that is a non issue.

Speaking as a twin with mere minutes between us, it has only ever been the source of friendly banter.... early in life one would enthusiastically claim being the eldest by x minutes... and now we are old farts the other now enjoys claiming x minutes of youth....

If this is the biggest challenge in bringing up twins you are very lucky... wait till they get older and other people (wankers) compare them in sodding everything.... "Oh twin A did better in maths.... twin B has a temper.... I see twin A has always carried a little extra weight....."

The minutes between them will cease to be an issue..... and it certainly wont be for them...

I have 23 year old boy/girl twins with my daughter being 2 mins older than my son. They’ve never for a long time of their birth order but have only ever teased each other about it. I don’t think it will matter if you tell them particularly as others say that they’ll find out from their birth certificates.

Is this a serious thread?

You have to be joking right?

As PPs have said it's on the birth certificate. If you have another child would you not say that the twins are older to spare them the same treatment.

This is normal sibling banter.

If you are "protecting" them from this non-issue what else are they cut off from. Lighten up.

I completely support your decision. I have known several sets of twins and whenever birth order is discussed the “eldest” always takes great pleasure in telling the other twin who was born first. It’s like who ‘won’ and ‘lost’ the first ever competition they were in, without even knowing they were competing. It seems to set an ‘advantage/disadvantage’ from the word go. I think to not tell them is genius, although I see how this could be tricky to conceal future years but I think you could genuinely explain your decision as it rightly didn’t matter to you so it’s not to be focused upon. You knew why you made your decision, stay strong in your beliefs, I for one think you are right.

Believe me if you don’t tell them they will still find something to argue about and something to make you feel guilty about ! That’s twins . Mine insisted on having separate birthdays one year !

Being brutally honest- I think you're being seriously ridiculous and I would think you were a bit of a twat if I knew you in real life. I'd find it really weird, unnecessary and attention- seeking.

Really? Because I've seen a hell of a lot more posters telling you you're being ridiculous.

Mine have only had one joint birthday.

They’re 15

@sausagepastapot I am a real person asking a question about parenting on a parenting website. Is it really necessary to call me a “twat”?
So unpleasant and deliberately trying to be hurtful. If you don’t agree that is fine, I asked for opinions because I wasn’t sure. I don’t think I deserve your abuse.

@Nomorelaundry yes it is currently 76% to 24% to tell them. I just think the fact that some people have said it has had a negative impact on their lives shows that it is not a completely ridiculous question.

I also remember going through US immigration recently and my identical twin boys being asked various security questions and in particular which one was older and by how many minutes. This was asked as serious questions, not making conversation.

I'm a twin and I think it would be strange not knowing who was born first. It's one of the questions I'm always asked after the "are you identical". I would never withhold any information. It's nice to share details with them. I doubt it would influence their characters.

This is the most bizarre thing I’ve ever heard. Surely holding it from them will cause resentment towards you?

When you are a twin, people ask you 3 things when you tell them you have a twin. Who is the oldest? Do you look alike and do you feel their pain. To deny them this when you know is wtongt

I wouldn't bother unless they ask x

Mine have the time on their birth certificates.
When I asked why I was told it was incase there was a title or something that would pass to the oldest first for example if one of them were to become the king!

I'm married to a twin. When I tell people they ask if they're identical. I say yeah he looks just like his sister 😜😂😂

You are worried your family would assign age roles?
Probably psychiatry for the family then. Do you assign age roles?
Why would you think anyone else would think the arbitrary decision about which got pulled out first would matter?
Twins joke about that stuff - it doesn’t mean anything...

Birth order is completely unimportant unless you believe in strange and esoteric lore. You are certainly not being unreasonable

@riceuten Perhaps it will be important to the children themselves. If they want to know, I don't think it's for anyone to withhold that information from them.