To never tell them their birth order?

[sunshinepoppy]

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

So many things about child rearing nowadays is so over the top. I am sure a lot of it gives the child problems! This is making a 'thing' out of a lifelong relationship. Our family banter about the twins in the family, all adults now and they always would start it.
Children are so interested in their birth and early years, so it would be unkind to keep it from them, surely. It will only those being close to them that will decide whether it's a problem.

My children's birth certificates don't have the time on them ? (England)

@CloudPop I am going to assume you are joking. Otherwise read the thread before posting.

I watched a programme where the family had two sets of twins and set of sextuplets they didn’t want the children to know what birth order they were anyway someone against their wishes told the children

I'm a twin also, I'm 25 minutes older. Neither of us care who came out first, it's only ever been good natured teasing. I can't imagine taking something like that to heart, it's utterly meaningless.

It's no big deal. When people say things like this they are joking/banter/bonding

Other kids are likely to go “Ooh, you’re twins? Who’s older?”

I voted YABU until I read what you wrote about your in laws differentiating by age

In that case for their sake I wouldn’t tell them so they are treated equally

My mum is a twin and she is two minutes younger and yes she has been treated as the beta twin and it has grown to be her personality where as the older aunt is more outspoken and confident and dominant and my mum doesn’t make any decisions for her self to her detriment

Tell them. As an identical twin myself, it makes no difference. Occasionally I will play the 'youngest child' card but its really all just a bit of fun. Anyone that says the 5 mins difference has made any significant difference in their relationships has other issues that they need to look at!

Tell them. Otherwise when they are old enough to find out for themselves, they will wonder why you kept it a secret, and it will be a much bigger deal than it needs to be.

They may tease each other about it as they grow up, but siblings ALWAYS find something to tease each other about, so you’re not really protecting them by keeping it a secret.

I’m a twin, and also adopted at birth. My whole ‘birth story’ has never been kept from me and my sister, and therefore none of it seemed important. My adoptive parents just answered any questions I had openly and honestly. I don’t remember ever not knowing .

I'm a c section twin. Knowing didn't do me any harm. And you should listen to everything I say, because I am the eldest by FOUR MINUTES.

@budgiegirl i'm an adopted twin too.

Are you getting child benefit? Isn't it more for the older child?

It's on their birth certificates so you can't avoid it. It isn't a case of older or younger but it's a fact that one baby has got to be born before the other. What's the big deal,they're exactly the same age. You're in danger of making it a big deal by not telling them.

I'm a twin but my twin died aged 3 so I never got to find out if it made a difference. This does seem a bit trivial.

I have twins it never occurred to me not to tell them. I did however give the first born the name that starts with the letter that is later in the alphabet. She is first in line up at school, the other was first born but comes later down the line up.small things make a difference when you are completely identical to someone else.

@sashh yes it's more the first one, same as siblings.

No one is going to assign age roles to them on the basis of them being a minute or two apart in age. And if they do they are batshit.

When people ask twins who is the oldest they don’t actually care, they’re just making conversation.

Absolute madness

I have twin 13 year old boys - c section birth. We also decided not to tell them birth order..... I told them they were ‘born at the same time’. Other people can be over invested in who is older.... so they would just st reply same age! Eventually as they got older (6-8) they began to realise one of them has to be born first, but by this time they were mature enough and happy enough to know it didn’t matter .. except to the few people to whom it seemed to matter enormously. They are happy with their order now :-))

And if they do they are batshit

That was my experience of being a twin. There seem to be lots of batshit people out there, including primary school teachers.

Two sets of twins here. IMO you are making way too much out of this. My boys will sometimes tease each other about who was born first or if we ever start something by youngest goes first for something they discuss it then. It is a non issue in our crowded house.

Brilliant, however one will always be older than the other. Just let them know. You're REALLY overthinking this.

A lot of posters are still insisting that this is a non issue even though posters who are a twin have explained how knowing the birth order has had a negative impact on their lives.

I think you're making a big deal out of nothing and I say that as a twin.

And how is this any different from having older siblings? Someone is always going to be older unless they're an only child

I'm a twin and other than my db trying to wind me up when we were pre teen by saying "I get to sit in the front of car/watch what I want on tv/get the biggest piece of cake etc etc because I'm 10 minutes older" it has never had any bearing whatsoever and obviously he didn't get to use this card!
He used to say a list of things you can do in 10 minutes and I had a bigger list of things you can't do in 10 minutes! Probably annoyed my poor dm more than anything else!