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AIBU?

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Original poster

To never tell them their birth order?

566 replies

sunshinepoppy · 26/01/2020 15:20

I have twin boys who were born by c-section. Over the years I have seen interviews with adult twins where they set great store by their birth order. E.g saying one should know better because they are elder by 5 mins. This type of dynamic seems odd and unhelpful.

For this reason we have decided not to tell the boys their birth order. I am now starting to doubt this decision because I am not sure it is my right to keep the information from them.

They are only 6 months old so we have not told them anything yet.
I would appreciate seeing people’s opinions about this. Especially opinion from someone who has a twin.

OP posts:
TheCakeCrusader · 26/01/2020 21:44

rare occasions

Hellbentwellwent · 26/01/2020 21:47

I have twins they love hearing their birth story. They’re only 5 but they dont seem to care about who came first at all, they just think it’s hilarious when I tell them about how DS had the hiccups the whole way through labour and then when he was born dd had a party in all her new found room, refused to come out, started doing starjumps and somersaults and then got stuck. Of course to me at the time it wasn’t bloody funny at all, but those 20 minutes give them so much fun in the telling, they properly wet themselves laughing about it!

If it was me and I was a twin and my mum refused to tell me I’d be totally suspicious that we were actually adopted and she couldn’t tell tell us because she didn’t know! But then I have an over active imagination and needed little encouragement as a child to make up all sorts of fantasies.

freckletwin · 26/01/2020 21:50

I'm a twin. Youngest child by 5 minutes. My time of birth is on birth certificate but have never had any problems knowing I'm the youngest. Only real issue I can think of would be if oldest was to inherit family title or something but that's not anything we need to worry about

TheCakeCrusader · 26/01/2020 21:50

@MotorwayDiva

Maybe off topic, but I always wondered with identical twins, how can you be absolutely sure which is which, especially when they are tiny and and you are sleep deprived....

One of our ID twins had ( still has!) thicker ear ridges than the other!

Grin
EL8888 · 26/01/2020 21:54

This seems to be a massive amount of over thinking. I wouldn't have even thought to tell them / not tell them?!

Burplecutter · 26/01/2020 22:03

I'm a twin and I love joking with my twin about "when I was your age I ---(insert whatever I did a a few minutes ago)"
Just as I hear from my twin about how I should be the older and wiser one and they are the baby.
Like I was planned and they were the accident. (Really we were both either planned or an accident)
How I'll die first and have more wrinkles (I won't necessarily and I don't)

We both know it's banter. And if we didn't know the order then those moments of banter wouldn't be there. It would be a much more boring life.

suggestionsplease1 · 26/01/2020 22:09

I'm a younger twin, it would be weird not to know to be honest. We joke around it and I argue that I would have been the older had it been a vaginal birth rather than c-section. I don't see how many people would think it an issue, but keeping it secret probably makes it more of one.

ActualHornist · 26/01/2020 22:32

Long and short versions of my twin 1’s BC!

The other one was born at 03:09 which I found when I checked, I’ve been telling them there’s 45 minutes between them! Grin

To never tell them their birth order?
To never tell them their birth order?
ActualHornist · 26/01/2020 22:33

(Posted to hopefully stop those that don’t believe that times are on multiple birth birth certificates)

HandsOffMyLangCleg · 26/01/2020 22:38

My boys were a minute apart (section). They're 14 nearly and it's never been witheld from them and is on their birth certificates anyway.

I find it odd that you'd keep this from them.

Fishlegs · 26/01/2020 22:40

This is really interesting. My younger brother and sister are twins, and my brother was definitely babies by my mum for being the youngest (by 10 minutes Hmm)

Jux · 26/01/2020 22:41

It'll come out somehow and much better you tell them. Those sort of details are very important to children.

All the twins/triplets I've known have made those sort of comments as a JOKE. They are having a laugh.

ActualHornist · 26/01/2020 22:52

@Fishlegs are you sure it wasn’t because he was a boy?

lowlandLucky · 26/01/2020 23:07

SayNoToCarrots I am British and my certificate has my time of Birth on it as do my childrens

lowlandLucky · 26/01/2020 23:11

I was told many years ago that the youngest twin always has a pointier chin, ever set of twins i have ever met this has been the case but then i have only met about a dozen sets

showmewhatyougot · 26/01/2020 23:12

Really? Biscuit

dockie · 26/01/2020 23:56

If you're worried, only provide the info if asked as others have said, and maybe only talk about 'born first' or 'born second' rather than 'older' or 'younger'. Anyway, 'older' really only makes sense for people born and conceived at completely different times. Twins will have had exactly as much growing time since conception, won't they? That's the cool twin thing re age, I'd say - they have literally existed (initially in bundle-of-cells form, later as fully formed humans) for exactly the same amount of time as each other.

SleepingStandingUp · 27/01/2020 00:05

@SunshineCake I'm really sorry for your loss xx

Actually I realised earlier that C still had a tiny mark on his leg from when he was still tagged (hospital alarm tag dug into him) so we do have them the right way round. There's now marginal differences physically and def personality wise (6 weeks!!)

I'm not sure it matters really who came out, but if I tell them their birth story I will def be saying A refused to come out and ended up as a forceps baby despite me having a C Section rather than "one of you" so find it odd to not tell them at all

Changeembrace · 27/01/2020 05:37

* I was told many years ago that the youngest twin always has a pointier chin, ever set of twins i have ever met this has been the case but then i have only met about a dozen sets*

Ridiculous comments such as this is precisely why there may be concerns about telling children birth order

Shev1996 · 27/01/2020 05:50

By not telling them surely you are making a thing of something that isn’t?

Whyareyouallcallingmemum · 27/01/2020 06:12

My twins know who is older.

It really isn't a big deal. They're 16 now and there's no more of the 'i know more cause I'm older' kind of statements anymore

Neither are damaged by this knowledge.

Yours are only 6 months, you'll probably forget you wanted to do this and it'll just slip out

And yes it's on their birth certificates.

bellinisurge · 27/01/2020 06:34

They grow up. They will be adults. You making a big deal and hiding something that has no reason to be hid is not a good idea. And they will learn to read their birth certificates.

AlaskaElfForGin · 27/01/2020 06:41

I was told many years ago that the youngest twin always has a pointier chin, ever set of twins i have ever met this has been the case but then i have only met about a dozen sets..

I'm going to assume that this is a joke ...

pilates · 27/01/2020 06:45

Mountain out of a molehill

bellinisurge · 27/01/2020 07:04

Unless there is some sort of primogeniture thing going on, it doesn't matter. You are making it matter. These are human beings who have a right to know this sort of information. And ignore it if they want. Treat them with respect.

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