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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not like this text message?

251 replies

Fidgetwonkam · 25/01/2020 23:37

How would you feel if you received this message from your boyfriend/partner?

I had mentioned that I wanted to start again with my hobby that I haven’t done for a long time (well before I met him)

I know it was sent with good intentions but I just don’t like it. Aibu?

How would it make you feel to get a text like that?

[POST EDITED BY MNHQ TO REMOVE TEXT]

OP posts:
101pupzet · 26/01/2020 08:08

What PapayaCoconut said and Yehdivvy.

Honestly OP, he doesn't come across well. Cut your losses. There is more to life than needy macho men.

onanothertrain · 26/01/2020 08:14

If you need to create bitch threads on MN about nice thing he's tried to do that have backfired then it's time to end the relationship.

Weirdwonders · 26/01/2020 08:15

I wouldn’t like it either. It sounds like he fetishises your hobby. And I don’t like the five oddly worded, earnest statements when he could have just said ‘that sounds like a great idea love’.

IJustLovePirates · 26/01/2020 08:21

“I need MUCH more than a good looking lady”

WTF?

I don’t know why but that is really annoying

Stinkycatbreath · 26/01/2020 08:22

Its a little weird but honestly i thunk he is just trying to be funny. I think you need to view this in the context of your relationship with him. How does he make you feel genuinely.

GiveHerHellFromUs · 26/01/2020 08:23

Please don't make fun of him trying to be nice. There are enough nasty bastards in the world. Don't create another.

lotusbell · 26/01/2020 08:28

My OH is very quick witted and can make a joke out of almost anything. It gets a bit wearing at times but I honestly couldn't get that worked up about it. He's just making some naff jokes about your hobby, of course he doesn't 'need' you to do it. Not sure what the big deal is here really.

CodenameVillanelle · 26/01/2020 08:31

I think he's patronising. It has a whiff of 'you're not like other girls' especially with his 'high standards' comment. He thinks a lot of himself.

lotusbell · 26/01/2020 08:32

Accusations of sexism, really? It's weird, creepy, pathetic, needy and all about him? How on earth do you people cope with life if this gets your back up so much? Unclench! The histrionics on MN are quite something.

FloydWasACat · 26/01/2020 08:36

At least he didn't call it Mary

Newmetoday · 26/01/2020 08:36

You really need to unclench. I’d laugh at the text if I got sent it. It amazes me how people can find offence in anything

Original poster
Fidgetwonkam · 26/01/2020 08:39

It wasn’t a joke!

I’ll approach the cringiness differently in future and see if it makes a difference.

Thanks for all of your replies!

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 26/01/2020 08:47

If you need to create bitch threads on MN about nice thing he's tried to do that have backfired then it's time to end the relationship.

It's not a bitch thread - it's a "how would you feel about receiving this?"check/perspective thread .. becaude it's making op Confused and cringe (no emoji for cringe sorry) ...

And no wonder because it's made lots of us Confused, Hmm and cringe too.

GilbertMarkham · 26/01/2020 08:53

You really need to unclench. I’d laugh at the text if I got sent it

She's not clenching, she's cringing and experiencing slight ick. Very different.

I'd be wondering what is going in in the head of a man who feels the need to send me weird, badly written poem of approval of me restarting a hobby, with the first line about what he needs, and his standards for a woman (she needs to be more than just good looking) along side the previous comment to op about him having such high standards in women etc. (As others have said it's all about him).

It's unnecessary and weird - and in addition he's such s piss poor writer that many s woman's ladyparts would dry up like the Sahara reading it.

GilbertMarkham · 26/01/2020 08:58

A normal response to your gf restarting a hobby is "that's really good you're getting back into it", "it's great to have s skill like that" etc. Or something jokey.

MimiLaRue · 26/01/2020 08:59

It sounds like stupid drunken nonsense to me

Boots20 · 26/01/2020 09:01

Sounds like he is challenging you to a rap battle

IScreamForIceCreams · 26/01/2020 09:04

He's a poet but you just don't know it!

SpamChaudFroid · 26/01/2020 09:12

I need, I need, I need.

Marshmello · 26/01/2020 09:14

Blimey I feel a bit sorry for him. Yes of course he's trying to be supportive and it is all cringeworthy but if you loved him you'd love his clumsy efforts at showing you he cares and loves it that you make lots and are creative, and wants to encourage you.

I feel so sorry we are all analysing his rubbish not-exactly-rhyming not-exactly-couplets!!!

I also get the sense that he's probably quite proud of what he write, too?!

Poems written by boyfriends are super-cringe. I had an actual poet bf and literally couldn't have sex with him because his mawkish poems made me feel sick. He's now mega famous (but for his stand-up jokes, not his poems!!! 😂).

If you love him, you'll put it in the category of if your kid had written you a card (although may have been a better effort from a kid ... 😬)

But yes it could easily put one off. He's only trying to be nice though. Hmm ...

Marshmello · 26/01/2020 09:15

Ha now my typos are punishing me for dissing his text 😂😂

ElloBrian · 26/01/2020 09:17

There once was a man I was dating
Whose poetry skills were frustrating
He could not seem to see
They did not appeal to me
And all sexy vibes they were negating

PapayaCoconut · 26/01/2020 09:17

There are enough nasty bastards in the world. Don't create another.

It's not women's fault when men are nasty.

Ponoka7 · 26/01/2020 09:26

@lotusbell, it is everything that's been said.

There's a reason why they get troubled children to do poetry (and prisoners), it shows who/what you are really dealing with.

@GiveHerHellFromUs, please don't say that you believe the fucked up men you meet, when they say they were made that way by women? These men aren't created, unfortunately, it's innate.

honeyloops · 26/01/2020 09:26

This would make me cringe myself inside out, and also 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. Lady - ugh. 'You're not like the other girls' vibe - ugh. Implication that his approval makes it more likely you'll do something - ugh. Wanky, cheesy implication he just SEES YOUR INNER SOUL - ugh and patronising.