Private school or property?

[Questionwithanamechange]

Current debate with dh about what’s best for dc.

Private school is an expensive thing these days so for those who send your dc to a private school, do you think it’s worth the investment? What iyo makes it worth the cost and why?

Dh thinks private school is the only way forward for our dc as he was privately educated, but I’m not 100% convinced due to the cost. We can afford it without it affecting our lifestyle but it wouldn’t leave much to save. We have decent investments so don’t currently need to put money away for a rainy day.

However, AIBU to think that as long as we get a good state school for our dc and are prepared to pay for extra curriculars, tutoring if necessary etc., they would benefit more from getting a property? Currently it would cost 200k for each dc so with fee rises over the years, I think 250k overall is a conservative estimate. That in our area would buy a nice 2 bed flat which imo would set them up for life after uni.

I'm a state school teacher. If I could afford it my children would go to private school. I don't believe the teaching is any better but the smaller class sizes and the extensive resources absolutely do. General class disruption is less and respect is greater. I don't believe that it should be the best option but right now I know that it is.

I think parents should fund their kids through university before paying for private school.

Neither DH or I were privately educated but we decided on that route for our two DS. They both achieved really GCSE and A level grades, went on to obtain first class and 2:1 degrees and are now settled in rewarding and enjoyable jobs which pay well. We did have to make some sacrifices to afford the fees but certainly weren't on the breadline. I think the sacrifices we made were more than repaid by the exam results the DC attained, the other opportunities private school offered and their future job prospects. I agree with your point about the alternative of your DC attending a good state school and you paying for additional tuition. The extra tuition could be really helpful. However I do personally wonder whether, in generously considering providing your DC with a property each, it could possibly deprive them of the incentive and ambition necessary to achieve that themselves, which might not be a good thing. Bit of a long sentence, but hopefully you get what I am trying to say!

I could easily afford private school for my kids but they will go to state school, at least as far as end of junior, preferably the whole way through. I would prefer my children learn to rub along with people from all walks of life rather than live in a privileged wealthy bubble.

I went to state school and am glad I did. It didn't stop me getting top grades throughout school and a first class degree.

Absolutely depends on the child - my eldest brother and i were state educated (in a catholic school) eldest bro went to uni and is now teaching in a foreign school, i did a levels and decided to put family first and have worked my up over the years through periods staying at home to a job that fits in with school hours, our youngest brother was privately educated as our parents could afford it at that point, he’s a very talented musician and has worked minimum wage jobs to fund his chosen lifestyle, still lives at home with parents and is in mid 30s. All ok but just wanted to say that private Ed. Doesn’t necessarily mean good job, and that state Ed. Doesn’t mean less opportunities.

I think the attitude of home it what actually drives results.

I've invested a lot of money in property instead of private schooling which will benefit my dc later on. They have all been able to buy their own homes from the jobs they do from state education anyway.

Private school is around networking and who you know .... that will bail out the thickest child ever into a decent job allowing them to buy their own house.

It depends on the child. DH and I were privately educated, but our DC are currently in state schools and both are doing well.

With DD1 she will probably come out with the same grades whether private or state, though we will need to keep a closer eye on her progress in a state school. I would expect to have to get her tutoring at some point as it isn't uncommon for a teacher to leave and cover to be inadequate. She may not get the same extension opportunities in a state school, so we might have some gaps to fill there too.

For DD2 it is too early to say whether she will do as well in either setting. Her character is different to DD1, but is probably about the same ability level.

We have one DC who goes to private school. We can afford it, but are not overly flush. We both work full time and although we have a decent standard of living, we are definitely one of the less wealthy families. Sometimes that can be quite hard, but I'm proud of the fact we work so hard and that our son goes to the school which he does. The sacrifices we sometimes make are worth every penny.

We couldn't be happier with the incredible standard of teaching our son receives. DS is in Year 3 and is 8. His teacher is phenomenal, he's in a small class (18), and the headmaster is also very hands on. His class teacher knows every child inside out and knows how to get the best out of them. It is a wonderful school and they are very hot on discipline, which I love. Any bad behaviour is stamped out quickly and the children are extremely polite and well behaved. There is a great culture of respect. There is an excellent curriculum and specialist teaching for music, art, science, DT, ICT and swimming. They do a great variety of sport. He receives around 30 minutes of homework per night and academic standards are very high in comparison with other schools. I like the fact that he is challenged. They have great school trips and the range of optional clubs is staggering. The best thing of all is that our son is so happy. He absolutely loves school and is so settled. I would 100% recommend taking the plunge.

It depends what you want out of it.

My two D.C. go to private. Dh and I were not privately educated.

If your seeing this as a way to get better grades, amazing GCSE and your dc is going to set the academic works alight - don’t do it.

Your child could flop at their exams or not be interested and you’d feel short changed.

If you want to give them the best chance by smaller classes and more resources then go for it.

The school my Kids go to isn’t at the top of the league table but they really do focus on mental health and children’s well being. They love it.

I want them to look back on this time and think that they had the best time in school.

If you do choose private choose wisely.

I'm really torn on this too, so following with interest. We have two DC who will go to state primary but are thinking about going private for secondary. It doesn't help that we live in an area where the secondary state schools aren't great, your options might be better of course which would make a difference.

Both DH and I were state educated and did fine, but I think I would have preferred a private school or a grammar. I don't really buy the "meeting people from all walks of life" argument. I went to school with some really rough, disruptive kids and the behaviour was pretty awful, I don't think mixing with those people has benefitted me in any way. I'd rather have gone to a school with a proper learning culture where the teachers could focus on teaching rather than behaviour management.

I was state educated. I intended for DC to be the same and started them in a good rated, happy seeming, "nice" state school. After three years I moved them to private - the state school now was nothing like my own memory: I found violence was common, low-level bullying was rarely tackled, academics were lacklustre and no real interest in getting a child above "OK" (in fairness staff had their hands full with all the behaviour issues)...no amount of extra curriculars or tutoring were going to undo the damage to the fact DC were quickly learning not to try very hard, and to hide to avoid trouble.

It's a very big stretch to pay school fees, I watch every penny of the budget, but the progress DC have made is vast and they are infinitely happier. They bounce in every day and their confidence is so much better.

Of course it depends on which state school, and which private school.

Depends on the school and the child. Initially dd went because it was cheaper than giving up my career, or as a single parent trying to find a part time role that fitted round the available state schools. We live rurally so the wrap around care and a school closer to work was the only practical option.

Later, when dsd as the oldest went on to secondary, it was partly that she needed the pastoral care. No offence meant to state schools, but they simply don't have the resources, and dsd wouldn't have been a priority compared to dc with greater need.

But tbh, by then we were used to private and very happy with it so would have still stayed in the sector anyway. Plus we're both of the opinion that equipping them to earn their own money is an equally good investment.

However, choosing between underfunded rural schools and an amazing independent is very different to choosing between a desirable higher funded London state school and a mediocre private.

I think it depends on your local situation.
Mine are at state schools that are at least as good or better than the private options ( dd just got AAB in her A level mocks).

It depends on which schools. I would say visit them all before deciding. Many parents seem to do state primary, private secondary, which seems a good compromise.

We live in London. All local state schools are oversubscribed, most of the previous years receptions entry places went to children with siblings in the school. We simply couldn’t take the risk that dc wouldn’t get into the nice local school. Dc has really benefited from the small class sizes, the cal,er environment, being stretched at school and this is just the change we’ve noticed since nursery.

I went to both state and private schools. My children are at boarding school.

However, I strongly believe there are good and bad teachers at both types of school.
Classes are smaller in private schools, but that doesn't necessarily lead to better outcomes. Not by mid life anyway, based on all the research I have read.

State school, if you invest around it (extra tutoring, sports, music, drama, art etc) is - I would say - broadly equivalent. But you need to be supportive & dedicated and probably not both parents in full on careers.

Private costs, but essentially you are contracting out a lot of that extra curricular stuff. So it suits those either not inclined or too busy to wrangle all that extra stuff themselves.

Otherwise, I'd say much of a muchness to be honest.

My friend funded her DD through 14 years of private education - about £250k. She ended up with 3 Bs at A level. Decent enough grades, but they cost a quarter of a million pounds! If you can easily afford it without any hardship to yourself AND its one of the top independent schools then go for it. They’ll make great connections if nothing else. If it’s the local independent then it’s basically the kids of small business owners and the local dentist. I’d probably spend the money on moving to an area with excellent state schools. At least you get the benefit of a nice house in a nice area.

You could fund your child’s education and then they get hit by a bus. It’s about the journey not the destination

Depends so much on your children and the schools available to you. I work in a state comp which produces loads of kids with rows of 8/9s and 3 A*s at A level and they seem to have a nice time while they’re at it, so I’d think it was a poor investment to pay fees if I could send my children there. But if my local schools were really troubled or if I felt my children would struggle in a standard mainstream for some reason, then I almost certainly would pay fees.

Private schools are lovely but I probably wouldn’t bother unless it had no effect on family finances. Clever kids will do well no matter where they go, naughty ones will be a PITA wherever they go. Supplement with time together, holidays experiences, extra curricular activities etc.

Thank you to everyone for your replies.

For context, we live in Essex with a couple of the best grammars in the country a 10 minute drive. Their results are better than the private schools in the area, it’s just really competitive to get in. Ds1 is 2 and DS2 is 6 months so it’s impossible to know whether they’ll be bright enough to go. We’re having to think about this now as if ds1 does go to a prep, he’ll be joining the Pre school next year. Ultimately, the only thing I’m interested in is dc having a happy childhood and enjoying the freedoms and opportunities we can give them.

I was brought up by a single mum who worked bloody hard to pay for any clubs and tutors I needed and she paid for me to go to uni so I could leave with no debt. I suppose I fall in the camp of, I went to state school and I’ve turned out fine. Both dh and I are doing well in our respective careers and I don’t believe I would be any better off or have been held back from not going to a private school. It was a combination of hard work, luck and then right place, right time.

A teacher friend recently said to me that when children come to her in year 7, that she can tell within a week who will get the A’s and who will struggle. Surely then, for me that would mean that a private primary is more important as the “damage” has been done by then if they’re not in the right place. That contradicts what I’ve read on here though where someone has said state primary and then private secondary. Any thoughts on this?

@Hk17 thanks for your reply. We wouldn’t tell dc that they have a flat to prevent what you said about them being less ambitious and motivated. We would give it to them in their 20’s

Private primary’s are pointless imo, I went to
One- and then my secondary school was private but with a lot of year 7 applicants from state schools. It was a matter of months before we were all on an even keel, you really couldn’t tell the difference.
I work in a finance company now and we’ve had a mixture of private and secondary school work experience placements- it’s is obvious which ones are from private’s schools, pretty much in their confidence more than intelligence.
It I eve had the money I would send my to a private secondary and save money in their junior years. Spend the money on clubs, holidays, a tutor, and still have money left over!