Private school or property?

[Questionwithanamechange]

Current debate with dh about what’s best for dc.

Private school is an expensive thing these days so for those who send your dc to a private school, do you think it’s worth the investment? What iyo makes it worth the cost and why?

Dh thinks private school is the only way forward for our dc as he was privately educated, but I’m not 100% convinced due to the cost. We can afford it without it affecting our lifestyle but it wouldn’t leave much to save. We have decent investments so don’t currently need to put money away for a rainy day.

However, AIBU to think that as long as we get a good state school for our dc and are prepared to pay for extra curriculars, tutoring if necessary etc., they would benefit more from getting a property? Currently it would cost 200k for each dc so with fee rises over the years, I think 250k overall is a conservative estimate. That in our area would buy a nice 2 bed flat which imo would set them up for life after uni.

Surely then, for me that would mean that a private primary is more important as the “damage” has been done by then if they’re not in the right place

I think she means bright and hard working. But I have a friend who was told she’d never get an O level. Her 1st class degree would seem confirmation that teachers can be wrong.

@LellyMcKelly it’s hard isn’t it because I agree, 250k is steep for grades regularly achieved in a state school. The private schools in our area aren’t the top ones but the local ones.

We’re lucky to have good state schools and two grammars. We then have 3 preps and then an all through school which is ultimately where dc would end up for secondary if we went private. Someone recently told me it’s super flashy and keeping up with the Jones’ though which really isn’t what we’re like. This person said her friend bought a new £1200 handbag to fit in with the other mums on the school run. I have nice bags don’t get me wrong but that’s not why I’d buy a new one, lol.

A teacher friend recently said to me that when children come to her in year 7, that she can tell within a week who will get the A’s and who will struggle

I think that is a desperately sad comment to read. This is suggesting that you somehow magically can know what will accur to a child throughout their schooling.

Support and encouragement both from school and home is key in many cases. Not some build in ability.

As for your original question if I could have afforded it mi e would have gone privately. They went for 2 years and it was the best level of schooling we received for our children. Sadly life had other ideas and when we moved county we did ot place the children in a private again.

I live in a well off area with some excellent state primaries and also excellent independents. If we were schooling our children here (and money no object) , I'd send them to the excellent state school anyway; similar outcomes, happy children etc. However I teach in a school in a more deprived area with challenging behaviour and if we lived there I would not be so happy sending my children to the local state school. I see first hand the impact on learning which is just not the same in the very nice area we live in.
Also I notice that privately educated children round here are SO confident, polite, at ease with themselves, it amazes me!! I guess this is as much to do with home life and upbringing.

Btw keeping up with the Jones was more prevalent in the state schools than I the private (where some of the parents were very rich but they did not show it I your face)

We have one child at a private prep school.

Of course, there are some very wealthy parents at the school. However, I would say that the majority are just normal, hard working people who have undoubtedly made sacrifices to send their child/ren to the school.

I only mention this, because I often see posts from people saying that they would never send their child private, because they don't want them to be in some kind of elitist bubble, surrounded by rich/entitled children. This has not been our experience at all.

For me, the small class sizes, work ethic, respect and behaviour are worth every penny. I'm sure this exists in some state primaries (apart from the class sizes)

I also see numerous threads on here, from stressed out state school teachers. I also have several friends/family members who are state teachers and non of them have anything good to say about it.

I'm not saying that private is better in 100% of cases, but on balance, yes I think it is.

My DC were mostly state educated bar five years senior school for DC2. He then went on to state sixth form. Both are bright and our schools were good which is important.

Most of my friends sent their DC to independent schools. Now they have largely completed their educations I can confirm that there is no difference whatsoever in what they are achieving.

The single most important factor in their professional lives has been having some sort of contact to give them an entry point into their careers. Very unfortunate but true.

You don’t sound comfortable with the independent schools and if they really are as you describe I don’t blame you. I’d visit them all with an open mind but if the state schools really are good I’d probably go down that path with lots of additional opportunities along the way.

NB the property ladder has been equally difficult to climb for my DC and those with private education though obviously if parents can assist that’s the biggest factor in buying a first home.

I’d go property all the way. Private school offers no guarantees. Property is tangible, secure and, while you also can’t guarantee it will go up in value, has more measurable financial potential than a private education.

Property all the way. Bright kids can excel in state school.

We have done some of each, due to travelling - currently in a state school that I am very happy with, and is the equal of many of the private schools my children went to academically, albeit with twice the class size. Extra-curriculars I handle myself and there is a wide range. We will likely send them private for secondary if we are still where we are, because I prefer them to the state options locally (plus they have boarding, which would be extremely useful, especially if we moved again but DS1 wanted to stay at the same school)

What I would say, is buy the property, and use the income from that to pay or partially pay for fees. If there is ever an issue, you can always sell the property, or if no issue, give it to the children when they are old enough.

We have 2 properties (DP and I both had houses when we met, then we moved in together and rent the two properties out). There's some hassle occasionally, but a decent agent deals with a lot of that, and then just making sure you get things fixed ASAP - ie. money - sorts the rest of the hassle.

I have two in private and for mine it has been the right choice. It has turned out that both are dyslexic and so the smaller classes and well staffed learning support team make a real difference.
Additionally, a lot of their extra curricular takes place through the school.

I also don’t buy in to the “a bright child will succeed anywhere” argument. A bright child will do OK in a poor school but they probably won’t reach their full potential. I went to a not great Secondary up until GCSE age and to a leafy one for 6th form. There was a real difference in attitude to learning, resources, parental involvement and expectations between the two. It was much easier to study in the latter.

Posted too soon

My main advice is nothing is fixed. You don’t have to make a firm choice about schooling now. Schools can change, children do change. If you are not sure and have a good state primary start in state and see. You will probably find a space in a prep because parents move for work etc., if you want to switch later.

Your teacher friend is very wrong and short sighted. Can't believe she's writing kids off at 11! Intelligence isn't fixed and lots could happen to those 'A' grade kids- mental health or illness etc.

IMO it doesn't just depend on the house and the child, but also the private school. On the other side of the city to me are a couple of very highly regarded, nationally rated private schools. However, within a reasonable commute in my part of town the private schools are, well, fine, but no better than than - not just academically, but also with regard to sport and music. I'm not entirely sure what advantage is bought there. Although the girls all do have lovely shiny hair.

• Enko

Btw keeping up with the Jones was more prevalent in the state schools than I the private (where some of the parents were very rich but they did not show it I your face)

This

Obviously property... my dSis became a doctor and I became a journalist from state. My cousins became a hairdresser and a builder from private.

Having no mortgage has given me a wonderful life.

Mine go to a private primary. several readons

• education is more than just reading and writing. Offers is the private sector are just so much better. tgis is not an issue if you are a SAHP and can get kids to several clubs and activities, but it is one if you work
• SENDs. if you select a caring prep (not an exam mill!!!), you will get excellent support even before the diagnosis. State school teachers are willing, but have zero ressources so nothing is going to happen
• Less testing in primary - most don’t do SATs, so teaching to the test is a lot less prevalent (in state sector, it can start in year 2)

The problem with where you live is that many of the wealthy brightest children will be educated in the grammar system raising the grammar results but lowering the private school results. Peers can be influential or detrimental to your child’s grades.

It really depends what it is you want to get out of it.

Both my kids are academic and a number of teachers along their educational path indicated that they would be great candidate for private education. I did consider it for 5 minutes because I had a property I could have sold to pay for it, but ultimately, I am a strong believer that if children receive good parental support, they do have as much opportunity to do well in comprehensive schools.

The schools my kids went to were very average nationally, maybe even below. Of course there were things that were not great, some poor teaching, lack of facilities etc... but they also got to learn to mix with people of different backgrounds, to have to learn to overcome challenges and find other ways to get to the same ending position.

It clearly has done them no harm, DD1 is in her 3rd year studying medicine, and DD2 is finishing her A levels and intends to go and study Maths at Uni next year. They did numerous activities growing up and have made many close friends. I really can't see what a private school would have given to put them in a better position to start adult life. In the meantime, I still have my property and I am now able to consider retiring much earlier. Not only have I no regrets, I am so thankful that I decided that state education would be good enough for them.

Private school hands down.

If there are good state schools near you then I would not privately educate.

I home ed but I would choose private education, if the school was a good fit. The school being good for the child is the most important criteria to me and this can be found on both state and private sides.

Private does not always equal better and state does not always equal rubbish.

Well it obviously depends on what your state and private options are - not all indies are amazing and some state options are great. Assuming the private is the much better option then a good education would definitely be a much better investment than simply buying them a house. As a parent you'll want to give your kids the tools to be independent as adults and an education is an important part of that - even if money was no object you'd do them no favours by just providing everything for them as adults.

I think it depends on the school and the child. Not all private schools are great and I don't think they give you a network that will see you through, as one PP said, unless they are a top public school.

I would really consider what your child might like. Going into private secondary after a state primary education can mean going somewhere different from all your friends and living a distance from your classmates.

I would go for property.

PP keep talking about 'the connections' if you go to private.

I went to a top London private school, there were children of politicians and actors there for sure, and some of the students have gone on to be very high achieving and/or famous.

But knowing them a bit doesn't mean I somehow get more opportunities than someone from a state school. It has had zero impact on my career (career has been very good, but not because of connections).

I went to a reasonably well known London private school and no one I know has benefited from connections of any kind. You're much more likely to make useful connections at university and even that is unlikely these days - you don't make a useful professional network until you actually start your career.

The benefit of private school in my experience is to inculcate a respect of learning, a breadth of experience (more opportunity for drama, public speaking, music, outdoor activities, more exposure via parents of other students to a variety of careers), confidence and ambition. That's not to say that couldn't be achieved in a state school depending on which school you choose.